Easyguy14 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 met up with one of my coworkers last night after work to go to a bar for a few drinks. we had a long post-mortem case and needed time to unwind a bit from things. anyway she's a few years older than me at 36 and we talked about dating and relationships between men and women. the conversation started okay but then took a defensive turn on her part when I asked about why she's single and is still attractive, considering she only has 1 kid. her response wasn't what I expected. she told me that women have much less to offer a man than a man has to offer a woman, so she cant afford to be in a relationship so easily. she wouldn't elaborate on it when I asked so we changed the subject. her statement to this point has me thinking. I wonder if some of you can shed light. this is new to me.
somedude81 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 We should make a list of things that women offer and that men can't provide or don't do as well. #1: Sex
dreamingoftigers Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Unless you are a sexual addict then porn is better because it requires no intimacy.
rafallus Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) How about starting to talk on individual, instead of gender-wide basis? Edited August 14, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Woggle Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Maybe she doesn't have much to offer but plenty of women do. The issue is that women who rely solely on their looks to attract men never develop other traits that most men consider valuable.
lonelyheartbeat Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 As a female, I can say from experience that...it depends. I can think of half a dozen women I know that could equally bring something to a relationship. However, for those half a dozen, I can also think of another six women that would be unequal in a relationship. And when I think of male relatives, acquaintances and friends, the same can also be true. So I say again, it depends. If that one female matches up with a guy that just happens to be a little more successful careerwise or financially more stable, that's just the way it is. But this same woman could break up with that guy and start dating a guy who works at a fast-food restaurant and lives at home. Then suddenly, she's bringing more to the relationship. But this is just from what I've observed. And I'm only looking at the teenager to early 30s category. I'm not sure how it is for people older. Just my thoughts.
somedude81 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Unless you are a sexual addict then porn is better because it requires no intimacy. As somebody who has had, no intimacy sex, it's still miles better than porn and masturbation. I'm still looking for things that women can provide versus something that guy friends can't do.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I'm still looking for things that women can provide versus something that guy friends can't do. Well, babies, for a start.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) met up with one of my coworkers last night after work to go to a bar for a few drinks. we had a long post-mortem case and needed time to unwind a bit from things. anyway she's a few years older than me at 36 and we talked about dating and relationships between men and women. the conversation started okay but then took a defensive turn on her part when I asked about why she's single and is still attractive, considering she only has 1 kid. her response wasn't what I expected. she told me that women have much less to offer a man than a man has to offer a woman, so she cant afford to be in a relationship so easily. she wouldn't elaborate on it when I asked so we changed the subject. her statement to this point has me thinking. I wonder if some of you can shed light. this is new to me. She probably just said that to make you feel good.... or you didn't hear her correctly. She can't afford to be in a relationship for reasons alot of women 'can't afford' to be in a relationship... we have better things to do with our time (like making our own living, attending to friends, children, etc) than cook, clean, keep ourselves all shaved, perfumed, or otherwise gussied up and all that other crap that alot of men get into 'relationships' (besides sex) to hoover out of women. Not to mention supporting his career, moving everytime he wants a promotion... blah blah. Take a look at the other posts here... alot of guys think they should be treated like princes if they pick up the check. I could care less if a man EVER picked up the check. Pick up your socks... pick up my spirits... pick up your intelligence... now THAT is something I'd put out for... and could 'afford' to be in a relationship with. I think it is funny that you consider what you said a compliment. At 36, she's 'still attractive and only has 1 kid'. That's hilarious. Does she still return your phone calls? I wouldn't. And you are surprised that she got 'defensive'?? You just insulted her. She was being polite for not simply smiling, making up some excuse, and cashing out for the evening. clueless... is all I gotta say. Edited August 14, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
Eddie Edirol Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 her response wasn't what I expected. she told me that women have much less to offer a man than a man has to offer a woman, so she cant afford to be in a relationship so easily.. Its because she has a kid, and a kid is the opposite of what she has to offer. For the man she wants, who is probably single, no kids, well off, she has to offer looks, maybe personality, ambition, but her kid takes much of that away because of the obligation. So she has already learned that investing into a serious relationship risks taking her away from raising her child, just to be dumped for a younger childless woman. She didnt want to explain to you why having a kid makes her less desirable in the dating world.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Its because she has a kid, and a kid is the opposite of what she has to offer. For the man she wants, who is probably single, no kids, well off, she has to offer looks, maybe personality, ambition, but her kid takes much of that away because of the obligation. So she has already learned that investing into a serious relationship risks taking her away from raising her child, just to be dumped for a younger childless woman. She didnt want to explain to you why having a kid makes her less desirable in the dating world. It only makes her less desirable if she believes it. If I were her, I'd spend less time around men like the OP... for starters. Not having children does not change the fact that alot of men have little to offer except a paycheck... and are easily led by what is between their legs. And those women who have integrity and are unwilling to lie about who they are just long enough to hook a guy into marriage... will always be at a disadvantage. No matter what age they are or how many kids they have.
Author Easyguy14 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 She probably just said that to make you feel good.... or you didn't hear her correctly. She can't afford to be in a relationship for reasons alot of women 'can't afford' to be in a relationship... we have better things to do with our time (like making our own living, attending to friends, children, etc) than cook, clean, keep ourselves all shaved, perfumed, or otherwise gussied up and all that other crap that alot of men get into 'relationships' (besides sex) to hoover out of women. Not to mention supporting his career, moving everytime he wants a promotion... blah blah. Take a look at the other posts here... alot of guys think they should be treated like princes if they pick up the check. I could care less if a man EVER picked up the check. Pick up your socks... pick up my spirits... pick up your intelligence... now THAT is something I'd put out for... and could 'afford' to be in a relationship with. I think it is funny that you consider what you said a compliment. At 36, she's 'still attractive and only has 1 kid'. That's hilarious. Does she still return your phone calls? I wouldn't. And you are surprised that she got 'defensive'?? You just insulted her. She was being polite for not simply smiling, making up some excuse, and cashing out for the evening. clueless... is all I gotta say. u seem to be the one who has had not read it correctly. I asked why she's still single. I didn't say because you're still attractive at 36 with a kid. I mentioned that part for extra info. It's interesting that women could get so touchy over these things when men hear a hell of a lot worse and shrug it off.
Kamille Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 It's interesting that women could get so touchy over these things when men hear a hell of a lot worse and shrug it off. Just out of curiosity... Such as?
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I'm still looking for things that women can provide versus something that guy friends can't do. Care to elaborate? Besides making babies, there isn't much that a woman does that a man can't do and vice versa.
Author Easyguy14 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) It only makes her less desirable if she believes it. If I were her, I'd spend less time around men like the OP... for starters. you're really a piece of work you know that? looking for fights online, how pathetic. Edited August 14, 2011 by Easyguy14 forgot to delete
Els Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Maybe she doesn't have much to offer but plenty of women do. The issue is that women who rely solely on their looks to attract men never develop other traits that most men consider valuable. Well one way to think about it, is that evolution dictates that each gender will necessarily be genetically inclined to focus on the traits that the other gender deems most attractive. In animals, it is typically the male offering nothing but good looks (and good dance moves?) because the females are attracted by such in breeding rituals. In humans, the converse occurs. Women are likely focused on their own looks more so than men, because men reproductively encourage such behavior. If more men were to focus on other aspects more, perhaps more women might start to bring more to the table than just looks/sex. Just a biological observation.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 u seem to be the one who has had not read it correctly. I asked why she's still single. I didn't say because you're still attractive at 36 with a kid. I mentioned that part for extra info. It's interesting that women could get so touchy over these things when men hear a hell of a lot worse and shrug it off. I always think it is funny that people think they can hide their true feelings. You may or may not have said those words exactly... "you're 36 and still attractive and only one kid"... but I bet your attitude has come through in many other ways. So clueless... Doesn't sound like she had a very good time. Do you treat your other co-workers like this?
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 you're really a piece of work you know that? looking for fights online, how pathetic. I'm sorry. I thought you were looking for advice... my bad... I told you that your comments and attitude likely insulted her. No, I don't think she should spend time around you. She has lots of better things to do than spend time around a guy who secretly or outwardly thinks her days of being attractive to the opposite sex are numbered... and that she is more or less attractive because she 'only' has one kid. Do you ask your male co-workers that question?? Does it occur to you to judge them through the same lenses you are obviously judging her?? THAT is your answer, my friend. She's probably spent one too many evenings with clueless men like you. So no, she can't 'afford' to date or have a relationship if it means putting up with the (perhaps) well-intentioned, but clueless drivel you are dishing out here. She has a kid to raise... and other goals to accomplish.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 It only makes her less desirable if she believes it. If I were her, I'd spend less time around men like the OP... for starters. Not having children does not change the fact that alot of men have little to offer except a paycheck... and are easily led by what is between their legs. And those women who have integrity and are unwilling to lie about who they are just long enough to hook a guy into marriage... will always be at a disadvantage. No matter what age they are or how many kids they have. It makes her less desirable because its true. Most women will not do the groundwork to go find the man they think they deserve. So their integrity amounts to beans, especially when they are complaining they cant find a good man...they just arent looking hard enough - or they refuse to recognize when the man they are seeing isnt into them. Thats their fault only. Online is a meat market, it doesnt count. That is where they create their disadvantage. So within the pool of men they "run" into, they arent really desirable. When men only want sex, and can get it, you cant be mad at them because they dont want to offer YOU what more they have other than sex. The bottom line is men without children mostly want women without children.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 It makes her less desirable because its true. Most women will not do the groundwork to go find the man they think they deserve. So their integrity amounts to beans, especially when they are complaining they cant find a good man...they just arent looking hard enough - or they refuse to recognize when the man they are seeing isnt into them. Thats their fault only. Online is a meat market, it doesnt count. That is where they create their disadvantage. So within the pool of men they "run" into, they arent really desirable. When men only want sex, and can get it, you cant be mad at them because they dont want to offer YOU what more they have other than sex. The bottom line is men without children mostly want women without children. Hmm... I have lots of male friends. I've only met one who would rule out a woman because she had kids... and that was only young kids. I'll admit to having a preference for men who don't have kids or whose kids are older. (I don't have any). My ex boyfriend (who is now one of my very best friends) says he actually PREFERS women who already have children. Go figure. I agree that the online dating world sucks for anyone (male or female) with any quality. Not sure what groundwork you are talking about. Most people in general don't like doing the groundwork. 'Be the person you want to attract'... and all that. As for me... I'm in the process of looking for a different place to live with better prospects.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 My ex boyfriend (who is now one of my very best friends) says he actually PREFERS women who already have children. Go figure. I dont have any friends like this, but I have read on this site, seen it on dating sites with women, and heard that some men with children prefer to date women with children because they are more understanding about the priorities. People with children put their children before all else for obvious reasons. BUT I couldnt even hazard a guess as to why a childless man would prefer a woman with children. Maybe those women invest emotionally faster because their pickins are slimmer.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Well one way to think about it, is that evolution dictates that each gender will necessarily be genetically inclined to focus on the traits that the other gender deems most attractive. In animals, it is typically the male offering nothing but good looks (and good dance moves?) because the females are attracted by such in breeding rituals. In humans, the converse occurs. Women are likely focused on their own looks more so than men, because men reproductively encourage such behavior. If more men were to focus on other aspects more, perhaps more women might start to bring more to the table than just looks/sex. Just a biological observation. For relationships men do tend to focus on other things but women seem not to notice. Why do you see so many attractive women that can't find a good relationship to save their life? It's because all they have to offer is looks or that is all they put on display.
Janesays Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I think women, as a whole, have a lot to offer men outside of looks/sex. Unfortunately, many men don't notice the value of these things until they're gone. I was married for 8 years. My ex recognized the fact that outside of of sex I brought just as much (If not more some years) money into the household as he. But what he failed to notice, until I was gone was: *I took care of him when he was sick. Cold washcloths for his forehead, chicken soup served in bed, his favorite movies on the tv, leaving the house at 2am to pick up more cough drops and ice cream. It wasn't until he had major surgery and NO ONE to take care of him, that he understood the value of this. *I made his dentist and doctor appointments for him and set reminders in his phone so he wouldn't miss the appointments. His teeth would have fallen out by now if it weren't for me. *I kept the house clean and organized, I kept the budget tight and through smart investments, ensured our retirement fund. *Packed lunch is in the fridge every night. Coffee is already in the pot in the morning. Just push the button. *Lawn service has been hired. Bills are paid on time. *Hello social life! Who but a wife plans and organizes dinners, parties, vacations? *Don't worry honey, the dogs have been fed, potty'd, and exercised. *Lost keys are in your pants pocket, contact solution is in the medicine cabinet on the second shelf, your left your video game on the floor and I picked up before the dog ate it, cell phone charger probably fell behind the bed again. *I will cheer lead your ass right into another promotion and I remembered to send your boss a thank you card for your company Christmas gift. *Speaking of Christmas gifts, I pick them all out and signed your name to the card. I also remembered everyone in the family's birthday, anniversary, Mothers and Fathers day, and send your grandfather flowers when he got sick. Oh, what a thoughtful son, grandson, uncle, cousin, and brother you are. Need I go on? Because I could....for quite awhile. A good wife has PLENTY of value to a man. Unfortunately, only a small majority quit looking at our boobs long enough to recognize this.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I think women, as a whole, have a lot to offer men outside of looks/sex. Unfortunately, many men don't notice the value of these things until they're gone. I was married for 8 years. My ex recognized the fact that outside of of sex I brought just as much (If not more some years) money into the household as he. But what he failed to notice, until I was gone was: *I took care of him when he was sick. Cold washcloths for his forehead, chicken soup served in bed, his favorite movies on the tv, leaving the house at 2am to pick up more cough drops and ice cream. It wasn't until he had major surgery and NO ONE to take care of him, that he understood the value of this. *I made his dentist and doctor appointments for him and set reminders in his phone so he wouldn't miss the appointments. His teeth would have fallen out by now if it weren't for me. *I kept the house clean and organized, I kept the budget tight and through smart investments, ensured our retirement fund. *Packed lunch is in the fridge every night. Coffee is already in the pot in the morning. Just push the button. *Lawn service has been hired. Bills are paid on time. *Hello social life! Who but a wife plans and organizes dinners, parties, vacations? *Don't worry honey, the dogs have been fed, potty'd, and exercised. *Lost keys are in your pants pocket, contact solution is in the medicine cabinet on the second shelf, your left your video game on the floor and I picked up before the dog ate it, cell phone charger probably fell behind the bed again. *I will cheer lead your ass right into another promotion and I remembered to send your boss a thank you card for your company Christmas gift. *Speaking of Christmas gifts, I pick them all out and signed your name to the card. I also remembered everyone in the family's birthday, anniversary, Mothers and Fathers day, and send your grandfather flowers when he got sick. Oh, what a thoughtful son, grandson, uncle, cousin, and brother you are. Need I go on? Because I could....for quite awhile. A good wife has PLENTY of value to a man. Unfortunately, only a small majority quit looking at our boobs long enough to recognize this. If you see a womans value as being a mom to your man, then youre pretty much gold to guys that need it. The real question is, why on earth would you marry a man - for 8 YEARS - who couldnt do anything for himself? How did you not move on from this guy from year 1 before marriage?
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Maybe she doesn't have much to offer but plenty of women do. The issue is that women who rely solely on their looks to attract men never develop other traits that most men consider valuable. So very true. Plenty of people have plenty of things to offer. And there are both male and female duds. A guy who relies on his looks or money instead of other traits has the same issues.
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