dumpedandsore Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) im thinking if there's seriously something wrong with me. People around me, regardless of age, physical appearances, etc, have no problems eventually finding a partner and settling down. We heard abt true stories of how physically disabled individuals find true love and lived happily with their partners, who truly loved and took care of them. For me, i have been searching for love for many years. On the net, i met many guys, almost 90% of my net dates stopped contacting me after the first meeting/date. The remaining once- some dated me 2nd/3rd time -then dropped the bomb on me. Those who continued to date me and became my boyfriends, dumped me adruptly (out of the blue) via email or silent treatment after a few short months of dating. I thought they were serious, committed nice guys and genuinely love me but in the end, it turned out to be a joke, like i m taken for a ride. They dumped me practically like an object with no hard feelings, sadness, remorse regrets, moved on the next day happily to the next girl and had a long-lasting union/marriage with the next girl, whom they truly cherish and value. I feel like crap by the way they treated and fooled me Many guys have lamented that im not good-looking, and many have written me off after seeing me in person or looking at my physical appearances. Like in a group of 10 girls, i will be the only 1 who will be rejected by those guys while they will find means to woo and know the other 9 girls. I wonder what's wrong with me. Before i try to "find" another dating partner and avoid getting hurt (all the time), i need to figure out what's wrong. Is it in my destiny to be single forever, or is it in my looks (my appearance, my dress?), my communication style with single guys, my character? Cos those guys who tooked me as a fling (in the disguise of a serious relationship) are ever committed and serious about any other girls, but not me. I was treated like a fool/puppet by them, fooled, used, and dumped. What should i do? go see a dating coach? go talk to a therapist? go under the knife by the best plastic surgeon? do some love spells or curse for true love? pray to god for everlasting love? Edited August 14, 2011 by dumpedandsore edits
unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I know you're going to find me hard to believe but I doubt you're as unattractive as you feel. I'm not a babe. I know that. And I feel like a troll among beauties plenty. But every now and then a man will tell me he thinks I'm attractive, or I catch a glimpse of myself where I'm really happy with how I look. And I realize I'm not going to find out I'm a stunning swan because I'm a pretty cute little duck. Take a break from looking for a date and spend some time learning to enjoy your attributes. It does make a difference.
lonelyheartbeat Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Dumpedandsore, May I just say that I know exactly how you feel? Absolutely and positively know how you feel. My only difference is that my last boyfriend was 12 years ago. I've only been on two dates in the last 11 years. I can’t even get a guy to look at me in any kind of romantic way. I am also disabled, but it’s not a disability you can see. For the most part, I walk, talk, hear and think like the average person. I have a lot of people, mainly my female friends, who say how funny I am, and what a gentle personality I possess. My staunchest and closest female friends have actually looked at me and say they can’t understand why I’m still single. They believe I’d be a good match. However, despite this, when it comes to romance, I bat zero. My siblings, when I discuss the matter with them, say that I'm not "getting out" enough. However, I was in college getting two degrees the last 11 years. I was constantly around nice, smart and funny guys. Not a single one of them in all those years did more than say hi and ask me how I was that day. And yes, for those that I was interested in, I did try to put out subtle, but obvious, hints that I wouldn’t mind going out with them outside of class. Can we say, epic fail? L I don’t think I'm ugly, but I know I'm not good-looking either. At least not by today's standards. The best I've been called is "cute." And of course, people say, hey, cute is good too! Yeah, sure. Not when you sit at home every Friday and Saturday night. Then come Monday you get a call from a friend detailing her awesome weekend with her boyfriend. I’m resigned that I’ll be single for a long, long time. So all I can do is watch my siblings get married and be a great aunt to their kids. It’ll have to be enough. Bottom line Dumpedandsore, you’re not the only invitee to the unlucky-in-love pity party. I’m here too.
FitChick Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Contact the Lefkoe Institute and get at least one phone session. Worth every penny. Then if you can't afford more, ask if there are facilitators in training who would work with you for free or a reduced fee. Nothing will change unless you do.
somethingsimple Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 First off, you have to see how much you love yourself? It seems to me, that you don't value yourself as much as you should. I feel that if a girl doesn't want to date me, then its their lost. Because I know who I am and what I can offer them or simply its just not a match haha. A question that people ask me all the time, what attracts me most to a girl. SWAG. Her style, the way she carries herself, her language, clothes, everything. I've also noticed the more I started paying less attention to girls and paying more attention to myself. The more the girls paid attention to me. Cause if you don't even love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
iris219 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 It sounds like you would have been perfectly happy with any of the men you went on dates with. How is it possible that you like every single man you meet? It seems that you aren't focused on who's suitable for you. These guys might be rejecting you for very good, logical reasons like lack of compatibility, etc., but you're too blinded by the idea of having a BF to see how unsuitable you are together. Also, your desperation to be in a relationship makes it hard for you see when these men are giving you signals that they aren't really interested or aren't good guys. You're probably not destined to be alone since you easily get dates. A lot of single people have a really hard time with this. Be more selective and focus on what you really want in a partner (not what they want).
Author dumpedandsore Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Well In a social context (school etc), the single guys (who are on the look-out) for a gf would always be attracted/approach the better looking ones. After physical attraction, the guy would chat up the girl to know her better and date her out. Its everywhere. I always those rejected at first glance/sight, or overlooked due to my physical appearances. Guys always approach these attractive girls while im always left alone. Be it church, workplace, clubs, interest groups, outings,social events, parties, guys are always drawn to the better looking girls. Very soon, they become a couple. Im unattractive so im always left behind in every possible context. the most remote possibility is that i have always been used as a "string along" girl . my self-term analogy of a girl who served as a temporary gf (she is not in the known) then dumped instantly when the guy finds someone he is romantically interested, a prettier lady of his type I hate to suffer this fate time and time again. Im poor, can never contemplate going for plastic surgery. I do try to improve my looks etc, to no good results. Do I love myself? Not really, i live in self-contempt and i practically hate the way i look. I feel stuck, no way out.
verhrzn Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm exactly like you, and as soon as I figure out how, I'll be accepting the fact that I'm gonna be alone forever. I think, once I can force my psyche to get with the program, life will be much more tolerable.
Sanman Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 If your goal is a loving LTR that lasts for many years or even a lifetime, then the realization is simple (IMO): Every single relationship anyone enters prior to that relationship is a failure. Whether it is your first relationship or 500th is not of consequence. This is a zero sum game. That said, I do not know what can help you because I do not know you. If it is the physical improve that, if is the emotional/relational then seek therapy or support for your issues, or it may simply be bad luck. As a stranger on the internet I cannot tell you. Seek a good friend who is willing to be honest for that advice.
lonelyheartbeat Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm with the last poster. It seems once one accepts their limitations, things get easier. I know up until three weeks ago I was fine with my single status and the fact that guys pass me over. But then this guy came in and messed it all up again. I'm now trying to get back into what someone has already mentioned-- The focusing on you part. I think it's a matter of just saying, screw it. If they don't know what a great catch I am, their loss. And go on with your life. If that means you'll be single till you die, then so be it. If you've tried to change it and it still turns out crap, not much else you can do but nod to yourself and say, "Hey, I tried."
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