Buttercup84 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) It has been almost a month now since he broke up with me. The first few weeks were hell. We broke up briefly before ( because he said he wasn't in love anymore ) but got back together after a day. He said he was in love with me again. We lived together and were together almost two years. He grew distant and we hardly had sex anymore.He would rather go out with his friends than with me. We hadn't gone out for dinner for a year because he said it embaressed him when I didn't eat my whole meal . So when we broke up he was all caring and looked sad.The first time we broke up he was crying.This time he wasn't . This happened on a Friday. So I had to pick up my things and move back to my parents. I got so bad I had to go to the Dr and get counselling and anti depressants. I lost 6 kg and hardly slept. I called him , emailed him and he replied , saying how sorry he was for breaking my heart. I didn't go to work for a few days and couldn't get out of bed. I felt like I was dying the pain was so intense. I am 27 and this was my first serious relationship. We even discussed marriage and kids.I never felt like this for someone , he was my best friend. Thinking of him with someone else hurts so much. And I know from his friends that he felt that I was " the one " and he even said he never felt that way for someone. I can't believe I lost him , I am going to work and studying to keep myself busy , it helps a bit but I feel like I am just pushing the feelings aside , and come night time or weekends , I am a pathetic mess. He with no doubt will find someone else soon , and I am just trying to survive. I feel pathetic for being like this. I don't know how to get through it , I can't control my thoughts and I am driving myself insane with them.Oh and I had an insane moment and looked at his email ( he nows my passwords too ) I just had a feeling about it. I read that he was talking to his single older friend who had no luck with women and a bad divorce.So My ex said to him that he joined this dating site and already sent off some " kisses " to some girls. He said he should have done this earlier , and that he has to give me the " break up speech " his friends reply " she has no respect , show her the exit door , you are a good catch " This was a day before he broke up with me.So his friend just thinks he should kick me to the curb.Talking about me as if I am a piece of meat.I respected my boyfriend , I supported him and was always there for him.Then his friend says that crap ? he is 40 years old and acted like a horrible teenaged boy. I called my ex and asked him about it , he said he only joined so he could be a " wing man " for his friend and he would never send anyone a message. What kind of friend wants you to break up with your girlfriend so you have a freaking wing man ? was he jealous that my ex had a girlfriend that really loved him no matter what ? I just don't know what to do Edited August 14, 2011 by Buttercup84
WindWhisperer Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 "I can't believe I lost him , I am going to work and studying to keep myself busy , it helps a bit but I feel like I am just pushing the feelings aside , and come night time or weekends , I am a pathetic mess." That is the best you can do here. Its ok to break down. Rather than lock it all away. Crying is healthy so it will happen. I am really sorry for your pain. I am only on day 7 and I wish it was a month later. There must have been a big issue (on his side) in the relationship that he didnt see a solution for. Best thing right now is to have NO CONTACT with him. This is the best you can do. This includes looking at his emails and facebook etc. This give him HIS space to think as well and make his feel what it is like to NOT HAVE YOU IN HIS LIFE. At the same time.... it allows you to focus on yourself. I know its hard I am in the EXACT same position and the pain is INCREDIBLE. I cant even take days off cuz I started a new job this week. Maybe thats a good thing. Good luck! Ill come check here again and see how its going! Thinking of you
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Hi thanks for your reply. Yeah he said we fought a lot , we did argue but it was just so hard to just talk to him. I didn't want to nag but he just refused to listen to me if I was upset about something. He said our foundation wasn't good. No idea what he means by that. He gets anxiety and worries a lot about things. I lost my job in March so couldn't pay rent and didn't get a job till May. It is in childcare so does not pay much but I love it. He kept saying he felt sorry for me for not having enough money and maybe I should move back home. Such crock. He said all the fighting dulled the strong feelings he had for me. But I kept telling him that he never listend and got all defensive if I wanted to talk.It is not like I was always nagging or putting him down. Sorry for the long rant. I am so sorry you are going through this. Trust me , you will start feeling better soon but do not ignore the emotions. And as hard as it is , go to work . I was ready to drop it all but it saved me.Its unfair that they can go on living their lives while we are not functioning. I hope you are Ok and will be thinking of you too xx
WindWhisperer Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I think that they will do anything to justify themselves for what they did. This will come in the form of many things... excuses or even turning nasty and THATS why I say staying away is the best. I think its awesome we have a way of telling people advice that we might not take ourselves even though we are going through the same thing. xx
Author Buttercup84 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 I think that they will do anything to justify themselves for what they did. This will come in the form of many things... excuses or even turning nasty and THATS why I say staying away is the best. I think its awesome we have a way of telling people advice that we might not take ourselves even though we are going through the same thing. xx I hope everything is going well for you xx
ChelleBelle Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Hi Buttercup, Gosh I know the pain you are feeling. I am far older than you and you would think that I would be smarter and have a fantastic remedy for you. But I don't. You will have to do no contact, as I have had to do. You touched on the issue that he became all defensive on certain topics. I had the same problem, everytime I touched on the subject of issues in our relationship or needed to discuss concerns, or worries. He would shut down and say he didn't want to talk about it and become all spikey and uncomfortable. Sometimes he would turn the tables on me and blame me for XYZ. It is hard to have a relationship with a man who is emotionally challenged. I mean how can you communicate and resolve issues when your partner shuts down. It doesn't mean I want to have an argument I just want to talk something through and get his perspective on something that maybe on my mind. Women need to talk things through sometimes. OK, so I was the one left in the end. But there was only so much emotional rejection I could take. I was always second fiddle to his X wife. If he had allowed me to talk and listened to me, instead of shutting down, he would have realised that this was actually a key issue and potential deal breaker. Maybe we would still be together and he could have resolved my concerns. And so I left. I wonder how long it will take before he realises the error of his ways. I wonder how he feels now. I guess I was right to leave because he sure as hell, has not fought to get me back. Not even called me but has texted. If I can do it at my age, Buttercup you can do it too. Be strong and positive.
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