just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So here's the deal. Me and my ex gf are starting to see each other again. We are taking the relationship part slow this time since we jumped into things extremely quick last time. We moved in together after only 2 1/2 months the first time for example. We have not been on our "second" first date yet, that is happening tues, but we have decided to start sleeping with each other in the mean time. Sort of "use" each other while we rekindle the actual relationship. Im sure this is a horrible idea but that is not what my question is about. Feel free to tell me if you think its a bad idea though. So my question is this. I slept with 2 women during the few months we were broken up. One of them I "knew" from before, the other was new. I have a feeling she is going to ask if I slept with anyone while we were broken up. Do I need to tell her about both? Could I phrase it like I only hooked up with one random since technically I sort of knew the other one so she wasn't so random? Am i being a complete ass even asking this question? If she never asks that would be great, but I don't know if that will be the case. I love this girl and honestly never thought id get another chance so I was never really worried about it. But now we are talking again and I don't want to screw it up. What should I do?
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 I just wanted to change the title line to better describe my question. And it didn't work
Professor X Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So you are taking it slow but sleeping with each other? hahahaha. How does that one work? Oh, I'm very curious! Sorry, won't even bother with your question because it seems you 2 are just playing silly games with one another. If you really wanted to take it slow than you would.. I don't know... take it slow? :confused:
NursingGirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So you are taking it slow but sleeping with each other? hahahaha. How does that one work? Oh, I'm very curious! Sorry, won't even bother with your question because it seems you 2 are just playing silly games with one another. If you really wanted to take it slow than you would.. I don't know... take it slow? :confused: +1 How in the heck can you care for someone and "use" them? This is the second thread I have read in the last few minutes that refers to "using" each other but the parties involved claim to "love" each other. So before you guys have your second first date, you are gonna go ahead and jump back into the sexual part of the "relationship"? I can't even wrap my mind around that one. I just met with my ex fiance after 5 months of being apart and the last thing I wanted to do is hop into bed with him. I wasn't even sure yet if I wanted to kiss him, lol. I FIRST wanted to figure out what went wrong (called communication) and figure out if this discussion warranted another try at us.
sm1tten Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Horrible idea, yes. You cannot take it "slow" and yet use each other sexually. She is most likely going to ask if you slept with anyone else, and I don't know what to tell you. On the one hand, I think you should just be honest and frankly, it's none of her business what you did while you were apart. On the other hand, many women will care about this and be jealous and see it as a sign that you didn't really care for them, yadda yadda, so it could ruin your chances of reconciliation. So, actually, you are f*cked from jump, really. G'luck with that mess.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 +1 How in the heck can you care for someone and "use" them? This is the second thread I have read in the last few minutes that refers to "using" each other but the parties involved claim to "love" each other. So before you guys have your second first date, you are gonna go ahead and jump back into the sexual part of the "relationship"? I can't even wrap my mind around that one. I just met with my ex fiance after 5 months of being apart and the last thing I wanted to do is hop into bed with him. I wasn't even sure yet if I wanted to kiss him, lol. I FIRST wanted to figure out what went wrong (called communication) and figure out if this discussion warranted another try at us. That other thread you read was mine too. I just figured id ask this question here instead on the other one. I can understand what you are saying about not seeing them for 5 months and then things being weird. Me and my ex work together though so we have been seeing each other at work and talking there for the past month or so. The first 2 months were weird and awkward, but this past month has been different. We have been talking a lot about when we were together and just sharing feelings on life. This has been going on like 4 days a week for the past month. So its not like the first time we talked we decided on this. It took a lot of awkward conversations just to get to the point where its not weird anymore to talk. We will see what happens.
FitChick Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is none of their business who you dated or slept with. Remember Ross and Rachel on Friends? "We were on a break!"
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is none of their business who you dated or slept with. Remember Ross and Rachel on Friends? "We were on a break!" That's exactly what im worried about if we get back together.
NursingGirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 That other thread you read was mine too. I Yeah it was, wasn't it?
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is none of their business who you dated or slept with. Remember Ross and Rachel on Friends? "We were on a break!" I disagree. I would not have sex with anyone without seeing recent STD test results... who they slept with during so-called 'breaks' and otherwise IS my business. or they can agree to use condoms from now till the end of time. The OP doesn't sound responsible... and is probably spreading sh*t like crazy with his confusing 'relationship' in-out-in-out drama. yuck.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 I disagree. I would not have sex with anyone without seeing recent STD test results... who they slept with during so-called 'breaks' and otherwise IS my business. or they can agree to use condoms from now till the end of time. The OP doesn't sound responsible... and is probably spreading sh*t like crazy with his confusing 'relationship' in-out-in-out drama. yuck. Not quite but thanks. I was with her for a year and a half, never cheated or even looked at another woman. I was very responsible during the break. I always used condoms plus I am 30 with no kids out of wedlock and clean bill of health as far as std's go. Doesn't sound all that irresponsible.
triphopper414 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Nope, don't tell her. If she asked, I would because you want to be honest. She can't be mad at you, you two were broken up! She might be upset but she has to realize that you two were not together. Also, I would ask her the same question back.
snug.bunny Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Ross slept with another woman immediately following an argument with Rachel the same night, so, entirely different as they made up the next day. He fudged up so being honest and forthright, was the right thing to do. How long have the two of you been apart? I know you said you slept with two women during the first two months following the break up...The thing is, if you slept with these women fairly recently and are trying to get back with your ex, it may be very difficult for her to look at you the same way knowing this "information". That shouldn't be the reason NOT to tell her, but is it the same as two people meeting for the first time and choosing not to disclose past sexual encounters because it's "not their business"? Hypothetically, if I had gotten back with an ex after a short period of time, I would like to believe and hope that he did not sleep with someone during the time we were apart. If i had gotten back together with an ex after years had pass, I would not assume he had not slept with someone during the time we were apart because I do not think it would be realistic to assume otherwise. It boils down to your beliefs and expectations, and, your ex's. It will either be compatible with one another's or it won't...You have some challenges that lay ahead, and some serious thoughts to tend to.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Thanks for the reply. The first one was the day she dropped her key off and officially was out of the house. We lived together for about 3 weeks while we were broken up while she found somewhere to go. So that one was a while ago. The second one was just a couple weeks ago though. Hopefully if she does ask she doesn't ask when it happened. I don't think it would sound too good saying "one was the day you left and the other was like 2 weeks ago." I know that's not what I want to hear from her. But I didn't think we would ever be talking again so I wasn't worried about it at the time. I guess I made my bed now I have to lie in it. Im just hoping she doesn't ask.
snug.bunny Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I guess I made my bed now I have to lie in it. Im just hoping she doesn't ask. Or, find out...:/
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