Stella44 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So I made the decision to split up. It hadn't been working for a long time. I had too much responsibility carrying all of the financial, childcare, household responsibilities and he just would not sort himself out by getting a proper job. I felt like I'd had a 40 year old child and it was painful. So we split and I got custody of our 5 year old. He got custody of the dog. Here's the thing. Most days I know it was the right decision for me and for all of us given the tension and fighting that was just not going away. But, I miss having a family so much sometimes that it hurts. I had the man, the kid and the dog and it could have been great. It's confusing though as it wasn't. So am I missing what was actually there or what it could have been? So hard to tell. He's moved on with someone else and I have moved cities with my son so it's not coming back together. But will it be possible to ever have a 'family' again or has the opportunity gone forever and we blew it? If I ever have a relationship again, it won't be my son's dad. He has one who is great with him if lousy with child support, etc and I would not want to replace him. So does that mean we will inevitably all have 'less'? How sad for us all if that is the case.
Lucid1 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Stella, I'm right there with you, from the other side. I'm the H, she dumped me, and now my days are filled with sadness over what was lost. That sense of family, having the "other half" there, kids, extended family, all that. Not only did I lose my wife of 20 years but I lost my inlaws, most of "our" friends, and my two daughters from my previous marriage lost a great step-mom. For what? So she could have her "space." I don't know the answer, maybe we'll both rebuild some semblance of family again, but I think you're right, it'll never be the same. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone; I suspect there are a lot of us out here in the same situation. Best of luck.
monik Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 My husband and I are about six weeks into our separation. We are still cordial and might still try to work things out. He's still confused about everything, so I am not pushing hard for him to make the decision now. Anyway, we have two young children, 6 and 3. My H and I are cordial with each other, so even though he moved out, we still try to give them some "family time" while we still could. I have to say one of the things I will miss most with our separtion is the family time. It hurts me to think my children will grow up without their father. Yes, he'll be around on occasion, but it won't be the same when your parents are not around you on a daily basis.
doublerince Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 This is exactly what is hurting me so badly today also. We can never replace that family we had. My kids are 11 and 8, so I feel like they are too old to really love another parent, if I met and married a new guy. I am kind of bitter about that. Breaking up our marriage unalterably changed and hurt our children. That is a hard thing to deal with. I am grieving over it. Your son is young at least. So maybe if you were ready, and met a good person whom you loved, your son could grow to love him as another father. I feel like that window is closed to my kids. I'm with you on this one.
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