unuh Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) I went out with a man I met online. He initiated contact and asked me out, said he thought I was cute, was very good about communication, etc. We had a nice evening. Laughed a lot, never seemed to hit a bad bump, and I had a nice time. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and lingered for a minute just making small talk. I didn't know if he was expecting a kiss but I didn't want to look too forward so I gave him a hug and made sure to look him in in the eye and smile when I said I had a nice time and thanked him. The next day I sent a text saying thanks again and that I hoped he had fun. No response. Did I blow it by not kissing him? I was pretty certain I made it clear I was interested. And if he wasn't impressed at the end of the night I don't know why he stuck around for a hug instead of just saying good night. I'm really lost on this. Edited August 14, 2011 by unuh want any advice offered
Professor X Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Did you push for the hug or did you wait a bit to see if he'll try and kiss you? Because if you did, than yeah, you kinda blew it by not giving him the time to try and go for a kiss.
Art_Critic Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Did he text you to tell you he had a good time ? 10-1 it is the hug.... When I was dating hug meant no second date... Kiss meant good things I always kissed a girl I was interested in on the first date .... When I was single that is
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 We stood there for a couple minutes. I was waiting to see if he would try to hug or kiss me, or if he was going to ask me out again, or just say thanks and good night. But since he was just making small talk, and honestly he looked nervous, I thought I'd just give him a hug and let him know I enjoyed the evening. When I texted him the following afternoon I was trying to underline that. He hugged me back. But he didn't respond to my text or make any attempt to contact me since. Since the night went well and he didn't just walk away I'm very confused.
LoveandSuch Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Was there great chemistry? Usually great chemistry takes over on a great date, and two people just naturally start kissing, no wierd pause or wait. He had perfect opportunity when you smiled and looked into his eyes. Hopefully he is not listening to his guy friends and waiting 3 days to text you back. Good way to lose a girl.
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Art Critic, since he didn't respond to my text and hasn't tried to contact me I'm really reluctant to contact him. Honestly, I liked him and had a wonderful night. And the way he kept cozying up to me and smiling I thought he did too. I always thought if a man was not into you he would just say good night after being polite and walking a lady to her car. But he sort of stuck around. I didn't want to look like I'm easy so I didn't kiss him but I really tried to convey I had a good time.
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 LoveAndSuch, I HATE the 3 day rule! There's nothing wrong with a simple "Thanks for a good night" text and I would have loved it had he done so.
Art_Critic Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 This is going to sound silly but do you know that he can receive texts? The reason I ask is that I can't and I use an iPhone ... Typing on one now
Professor X Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Well, since you did give him the opportunity to go in for the kiss than there are 2 possible reasons he didn't: 1. He wasn't interested. 2. He lacks confidence. Now, considering you said he seemed to be nervous and that the date went overall well, I'd say option 2 is more likely. Text him 1 more time (or call him), now be blunt and just ask him out - no beating around the bush.
Cypress25 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I've never kissed a guy on a first date and I've never had trouble getting a second date. I hug him at the end of the date and tell him I had a great time. I don't initiate contact after the first date either. If the guy is interested in a second date, he calls me 1-3 days after the first date. Usually it's the next day, sometimes two days later. So no, you didn't blow it by not kissing him. I think a hug at the end of the first date is pretty standard.
Art_Critic Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I get where you are coming from on initiating contact.. I'd feel the same as you in this circumstance ... The reason I said call is that it would clear up any misunderstood things such as if you were interested.. If he didn't call you back you would have your answer
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Art Critic - Yes, his texting service works fine and we had communicated that way. Professor X - my confidence took a hit and since he didn't reply I'm honestly afraid of trying again. I don't want to look desperate/stalkerish/begging/etc. Cypress25 - I'm not a fan of the 3 day rule though I get it. But since I sent him a thank you text the following afternoon and he never bothered to say anything to it I think he's not going to contact me anytime soon - unless he gets bored.
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 I guess it was the fact he did stick around after walking me to my car that confuses me. I always though men who weren't into a woman booked as soon as they could. Why would he stay and risk a hug or more if he wasn't into me?
sm1tten Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I think you read too much into the "walking to the car/hug" thing. Hugs are not particularly meaningful. I also feel that sometimes you can have a good date and still not be terribly interested in seeing the person again. One of the last first dates I went on was like this, actually - had a nice time and we got along well, and I did kiss the guy at the end. But I knew by the next day that I wasn't interested in a second date. Maybe he felt that way.
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 sm1tten - I hate to think you're correct but I appreciate that you could tell me that without being nasty. *sigh*
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Beware ! He has a cold blue heart ! If after one date he is causing your head to spin don't go after him ! He should see a beautiful soul in you and want to pursue you ! I would run away and find another to fall in Love with ! Best of Luck !
Tony T Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 You did nothing wrong. NOTHING. You hardly know this guy. Some guys can be skiddish. If he looked nervous, he probably was. He's likely sitting around thinking that he blew it. Or he's sitting around trying to decide if he wants to go out again. Do NOT chase this guy. It is not your job to initiate the first kiss or the phone calls at this stage. Doing so will sabotage any chance you have of seeing him again. He needs to be making the moves. If he doesn't call you or text you back, you dodged a bullet. You don't want to hang around with a dude who isn't sure he's totally into you. You don't have time for that. You've done all you can do. At this point you wait. DO NOT call him. DO NOT text him. DO NOT email him or wink at him or anything else through the dating site. Go out with other men and explore your own interests. You need to figure out what this guy brings to the table. If he was turned off because you hugged him you have to ask yourself if you really want to spend your time with someone so fragile. You want to be pursued. You want to be adored. Men will only pursue women they adore. If you're not being actively pursued (and you'll know when that happens) you need to move on. If this guy doesn't initiate further contact, don't think another thing about him. If you call him or text him now, you are essentially chasing him. And any man who is chased will run. It disrupts the natural order of things. You can never know the real reasons why a guy doesn't call. It could be because he only likes brunettes and you're a blond. It could be because he wants a Jewish girl and you're a goy. It could be because he only likes women who use their left hand to eat with and you held your fork in your right hand. It could be because he's got 10 other online dates lined up and he hasn't had time. Whatever the reason, it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It has everything to do with his personal preferences....which you can do absolutely nothing about. I'm worried that your hopes were too high for this guy. You hardly know this guy...he's done nothing to show that he's qualified to take up this much brain space. I recommend that you trade your thought of "what's wrong with me" for the the thought "what's wrong with him and who do I go out with next?" There are plenty of fish in the sea, and lucky for you 80% of the Earth is covered in water. Don't sweat this one. There's plenty more where he came from. Ashley
LoveandSuch Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 You did nothing wrong. NOTHING. You hardly know this guy. Some guys can be skiddish. If he looked nervous, he probably was. He's likely sitting around thinking that he blew it. Or he's sitting around trying to decide if he wants to go out again. Do NOT chase this guy. It is not your job to initiate the first kiss or the phone calls at this stage. Doing so will sabotage any chance you have of seeing him again. He needs to be making the moves. If he doesn't call you or text you back, you dodged a bullet. You don't want to hang around with a dude who isn't sure he's totally into you. You don't have time for that. You've done all you can do. At this point you wait. DO NOT call him. DO NOT text him. DO NOT email him or wink at him or anything else through the dating site. Go out with other men and explore your own interests. You need to figure out what this guy brings to the table. If he was turned off because you hugged him you have to ask yourself if you really want to spend your time with someone so fragile. You want to be pursued. You want to be adored. Men will only pursue women they adore. If you're not being actively pursued (and you'll know when that happens) you need to move on. If this guy doesn't initiate further contact, don't think another thing about him. If you call him or text him now, you are essentially chasing him. And any man who is chased will run. It disrupts the natural order of things. You can never know the real reasons why a guy doesn't call. It could be because he only likes brunettes and you're a blond. It could be because he wants a Jewish girl and you're a goy. It could be because he only likes women who use their left hand to eat with and you held your fork in your right hand. It could be because he's got 10 other online dates lined up and he hasn't had time. Whatever the reason, it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It has everything to do with his personal preferences....which you can do absolutely nothing about. I'm worried that your hopes were too high for this guy. You hardly know this guy...he's done nothing to show that he's qualified to take up this much brain space. I recommend that you trade your thought of "what's wrong with me" for the the thought "what's wrong with him and who do I go out with next?" There are plenty of fish in the sea, and lucky for you 80% of the Earth is covered in water. Don't sweat this one. There's plenty more where he came from. Ashley Good Advice!
DuskCrush Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 unuh - I know this is really really difficult to do but you should just stop trying to figure out the reasons he isnt calling you and focus on the fact that he isnt calling you/responding to your text. You will know his interest levels in a couple of days anyway.
Author unuh Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Tony T - I think I heart you. Thanks to all for your advice. I'm beginning to think I may have dodged an emotional bullet. So time to take another look. Gracias a todos.
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