torn_curtain Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Responses in my thread got me wondering about what the norm is for contact in an exclusive relationship. I had always thought that most people had some form of daily contact--even if just a text or two but apparently it varies quite a bit. Some people who prefer less frequent contact even consider daily contact a sign of neediness, which I disagree with--I see it as just a different communication/attachment style. So what do you prefer in your relationships? I had to ask myself this question recently and decided that I prefer some form of daily contact even if we can't be together in person, unless there's some extenuating circumstance that prevents it.
threebyfate Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Daily contact is what H. and I did prior to getting married. Even now when he goes away on business or on short trips with friends, he's still in contact multiple times daily.
Ebony78 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I'm in a LDR so it's probably different for me than others. We text every morning, a few times during the day, we speak on the phone in the evening and we always text goodnight before bed.
thehead Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 If I like the girl enough to be exclusive, I like her enough to want to talk to her every day.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Depends on the people. But I generally think that if I really don't want to be in contact once a day, it's because I'm not really facing that I CAN'T STAND THIS PERSON.
lonelyheartbeat Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 For me, I like daily contact. Even if it's a text message or an e-mail. Lets me feel good, knowing that the other person is thinking of me. Also, when I look at the others around me who are dating or in serious relationships/married, all of them talk with their SO at least once a day. Or text them to see what they've got planned. However, I'm wondering if that's changing. More and more when I cruise around on forums, people seem to bring up the question of, "Daily contact. Too much?" So I have no idea what's going on in the minds of people in regards to dating.
Author torn_curtain Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 Depends on the people. But I generally think that if I really don't want to be in contact once a day, it's because I'm not really facing that I CAN'T STAND THIS PERSON. Hahahahaha....
Author torn_curtain Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) However, I'm wondering if that's changing. More and more when I cruise around on forums, people seem to bring up the question of, "Daily contact. Too much?" So I have no idea what's going on in the minds of people in regards to dating. Same. I'm quite independent but I can't imagine being really attached to someone and not wanting some form of daily contact. Maybe some just attach more strongly than others. I understand that people's lives are busy but unless you're on a safari in Africa you can usually find way to send a simple text or whatever. When I haven't wanted it, it's usually been with someone I wasn't crazy about as the poster above said. I guess everyone has different needs and tolerance levels, and some people are turned off by daily contact even with somebody they love. I'd be curious to hear from people who don't like daily contact what the reason is. Do they feel suffocated with it? Edited August 13, 2011 by torn_curtain
ilovedhim Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 The closer i am to someone the more contact i want with them. And this goes for romantic as well as friendship relationships.
Orianne Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 If your partner isn't someone you enjoy talking to every day, then why be with them? That's not saying you have to talk to them every day, but frequent communication shouldn't be a negative.
Negative Nancy Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 daily contact is a must. if not we're not compatible...or he's just not that into me...
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Daily contact - and I am not even sure if couple of texts are enough. Ideally, more substantial contact every other day or so (such as phone) and texts, e-mails etc in between.
Author torn_curtain Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 So far 10 for 0 daily contact.
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 In an exclusive relationship? I've always experienced daily contact! From the moment I met my ex- we texted back and forth throughout the day and saw one another all the time. Initially he wanted to see me every day- and I had to slow that down... But I fell for him quickly and we soon began seeing one another daily. There wasn't any neediness motivating that - we were both just really into one another and both comfortable with communicating that much. With technology being as it is- I'd think when you really like someone a lot, you'd naturally have a lot of contact. I don't need daily contact, I've just always experienced it with the guys I've been exclusive with.
Nexus One Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) I'm a proponent of saving whatever you have to say until you see your SO face to face. I don't like to talk about everything over text/phone and then have nothing left to say to each other once you meet your SO. I see face to face time as quality time, the rest is a cheap rip-off. A few texts during the day are fine though in my opinion, but I don't see the appeal of a relationship that rests heavily on text or phone conversations unless it's an LDR, as then the frequency for meeting might be limited. Edited August 14, 2011 by Nexus One
Author torn_curtain Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 I've just always experienced it with the guys I've been exclusive with. ..........same
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 ..........same Yep, even if those guys later turned out to be douches
Cee Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 We have daily contact usually, but sometimes skip a day if we spent a lot of time together. We don't have daily contact if one of us is out of town. Which is good because travel schedules and activities are usually hectic.
zengirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Responses in my thread got me wondering about what the norm is for contact in an exclusive relationship. I had always thought that most people had some form of daily contact--even if just a text or two but apparently it varies quite a bit. Some people who prefer less frequent contact even consider daily contact a sign of neediness, which I disagree with--I see it as just a different communication/attachment style. So what do you prefer in your relationships? I had to ask myself this question recently and decided that I prefer some form of daily contact even if we can't be together in person, unless there's some extenuating circumstance that prevents it. FTR, I don't think daily contact IS needy. I think needing it to feel secure in the relationship and freaking out if someone doesn't text you back right away is needy. Totally different. It's that people TRACK it that I find dysfunctional. (In your last thread, I said the "hey" text was needy because you were doing it from a place of neediness---seeing if he would respond---not from a place of, "I'm just in the mood to talk to you", and you were worried about his response time.) People who say "I require daily contact" = kind of needy. People who say "I like my SO so much I want to talk to him/her all the time, so I call/text/message him/her naturally but can understand when they don't get back to me right away and still be perfectly secure and okay" = just fine. My current BF and I probably have daily contact. Other BFs and I have not. Fairly regular contact, in some form, generally occurs once a relationship gets going. I could never talk on the phone for any length of time or have tons of contact throughout the day on a daily basis; just not me. But as long as the contact is varied -- FB, email, text, very occasionally a phone call, seeing each other -- I'm fine. (If I were in a LDR, I couldn't do daily contact, but I probably couldn't do a LDR for any length of time. It'd have to be a "just staying committed till we can get back in the same city" type of thing, and then I'd prefer long emails a few times a week to checking in all the time.) I'd rather SEE a guy a lot. Like Nexus, I kind of like to save up for when I see my SO. But my current BF usually reaches out to me most days, and it doesn't bother me (I reach out to him some as well, if I think of something I want to say or think of him particularly strongly, but he's more likely than me to "just check in"---I almost never do that). If I were to wait a bit to respond to him, or not be available during certain days, I know he wouldn't freak, so he doesn't "need" the contact.
make me believe Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Daily contact for sure when you're in an exclusive relationship. At least a few back & forth "how was your day?" texts or a phonecall.
nandesuka Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 If exclusive, then count me in as one more for daily contact. I'm not a phone talker though. The phone/texts is just to touch bases, the bonding/deeper stuff is for face to face time, not phone call or texting time.
triphopper414 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Ultimately, it really depends on the couple and the situation. Some couples like to talk to each other all the times and other couples like some space and their relationship is still healthy. Sometimes, I just have nothing to say. But shooting them a text in the middle of the day just to say hi or how their day is going speaks volumes. I think in face to face exclusive relationship would be 1-3 days. Long-distance relationship 1-2 days. I would say 1 day because the lack of seeing each other has to be compensated and it takes more work to make the LDR work.
Author torn_curtain Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) People who say "I require daily contact" = kind of needy. Here's what you wrote in the previous thread: I think NEEDING daily contact is kind of a sign of neediness I disagree with this, and based on the responses in this thread it's a common need. And by "needing" I mean unless otherwise specified, as in circumstances prevent it. Everyone has different needs, but I think it's silly to judge others for a need that is apparently quite normal. Live and let live. Edited August 14, 2011 by torn_curtain
zengirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Here's what you wrote in the previous thread: I disagree with this, and based on the responses in this thread it's a common need. And by "needing" I mean unless otherwise specified, as in circumstances prevent it. Everyone has different needs, but I think it's silly to judge others for a need that is apparently quite normal. Right, what I wrote in a different thread matches what I just said. . . it's the needing it that makes it needy. From what I see. . . A lot of these responses speak to people having it, which I think often arises naturally out of building a relationship. Very different than going into one thinking, "I need this" and worrying if something is wrong if you skip a day sometimes. FTR, I have sometimes had daily contact as well. I don't think it's uncommon as a relationship progresses to very serious stages---when you're that bonded with a person, it becomes natural to talk a lot. But people who need it, particularly from the early stages, and freak out about how often contact happens, are usually doing so from an insecurity, which is what makes it needy. The responses here, mostly, to me don't indicate anything needy. The way you sometimes speak about it--particularly in that thread we're referencing--does.
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