loverboy1984 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 My ex will be coming to my area for a wedding and she will be stopping by to pick her stuff up to take to her familys house. She currently lives and goes to school across the country. I have not seen her in 7 months and we have been broken up for 5 months. We had been together for 6yrs and had 2 yrs of LDR as we went to school. She cheated on me and broke up with me without telling me why. It took me 3 months to figure out that she was with someone and that was the reason. Ive been in NC. I debated leaving her stuff out by the door but I think its best I see her. I want her to see me, and how I look and see her stuff moved out of my home which she once lived in. I want the symbolism to stick with her as she watches a bridge burn so she can later ask herself if what she did was worth it.I hope Im strong enough to get through this encounter but honestly I am afraid a little. My confidence is back, Ive been working out and when I go out girls come to me. My life is in order and Im starting a new chapter so I hope all this gives me strength tomorrow. My plan is to open the door and put her stuff out in front and offer to help. Then say goodbye and go in and not let her in. If she inquires about me I will give short answers, and I will not engage in any conversation. I will not entertain any discussion about the relationship as tempting as it may be. I will try to be civil and maybe even smile. I dont want to look happy or upset to give her the satisfaction of thinking she has affected me. If she hugs me I will hug back, and if she says sorry for how things went down I will say "ok goodbye." If she says lets get coffee when your in town , since I will be moving soon to her town, I will say "we'll see." Basically I want to be civil, cool, calm, collected, and not too informative or talkative. I will be kind because thats who I am but I will be protecting my heart at all times. What do you guys think?
Frank13 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 She cheated on you with another guy. She doesn't give a crap about you but you have this big plan that if you play out this scenerio she will want you back. Put her stuff out front and don't be home when she comes to pick it up.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 I dont want her back. I want to just give her stuff to her and let her see what she lost one last time. I think till now since we have been apart I have been out of sight out of mind. I want to give her a reminder thats all. Plus I think it will give me closure to see her. I dont want her. Im not even attracted to her anymore after whats she did.
fetish1980 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 let us know what happens. is she still seeing that other dude? fetish
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 I will let you guys know how it goes. I dont know anything about her since I havent spoke to her. two months ago she said shes dating a guy but that he is not her bf. Judging from her distant attitude I wouldnt be surprised shes with someone. I just want to let her go with the sight and memory of me and let it brew in her as she lugs her stuff home. This girl hurt me worse than anyone ever. I still wanted her back for the longest time and I dont think she still realizes what she did. I just want her to regret it one day.
todd Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 There is a fine line between love and hate. You say you are over her but you still want her opinion and her approval of who you have become in a way. You want her to see you and be jealous that she missed out on you. A real man wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing who he has become. He would leave it up to her imagination and act as though she didn't exist because she no longer matters in your life. If you truly wanted nothing to do with her you would leave the stuff outside the door and let that be the end of it. If this girl cheated on you why do you think she cares what you look like or who you are now. What if she sees you and shows you she is not impressed with the man you look like now. Could you handle it if she is completely disrespectful of you or isnt impressed with the current you as you are hoping? Do you think your plan could backfire and she is the one leaving you all broken up about how amazing she looks or whatever. Just some food for thought. Hope it goes well
TheHurtProcess Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I will let you guys know how it goes. I dont know anything about her since I havent spoke to her. two months ago she said shes dating a guy but that he is not her bf. Judging from her distant attitude I wouldnt be surprised shes with someone. I just want to let her go with the sight and memory of me and let it brew in her as she lugs her stuff home. This girl hurt me worse than anyone ever. I still wanted her back for the longest time and I dont think she still realizes what she did. I just want her to regret it one day. Good luck bud. Perhaps one day it will weigh on her soul. By then it will most definitely be too late and victory will be yours for the taking my friend. Go get em tiger!
wilsonx Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 . I just want her to regret it one day. If you truly want this then just leave her stuff on the doorstep and leave. Thats it.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 She was supposed to come at around noon. I had all her stuff ready. I waited till 2 then I get a text from her saying shes at her friends house and will leave in 45 min. I texted her back and said that I had plans and I will leave her stuff outside for her to pick up. So I left her stuff in my driveway and left to go on a date with this other girl. on my way out I wanted to make sure she didnt think I was being a jerk so I said I waited for her and wished I could be there to help her but had plans. we had a quick back and forth civil text conversation. She told me she wanted to be in touch with me when I come to her town for school next month so she could see me at least once. I replied by saying "your not obligated to see me and we cant be friends" we wished each other well and that was it. I had a great day driving along the coast spending time with someone else but when I came home later that night it hit me like a ton of bricks. I missed her again. I felt bad that she came all the way here and I didnt get to see her. But as much as I want to see her I think it was better that I didnt. When Im in her town I think I will decline seeing her because she couldnt make time to see me here so why should I when Im there.
katie.x Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 She cheated on you with another guy. She doesn't give a crap about you but you have this big plan that if you play out this scenerio she will want you back. Put her stuff out front and don't be home when she comes to pick it up. I agree with this post, though probably wouldn't of said it so harshly. She cheated on you so yeah, she doesn't care as she did. You don't seem to have any plans to get together and try be friends or anything so I say don't bother giving her any time of day because you may hurt yourself in the process by seeing her. Memories are easier to ignore and forget when they aren't in front of your face. She probably hasn't given any thought to how to act when seeing you to get her stuff so yeah, leave it by the door and avoid seeing her.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Eventhough I was anticipating to see her I think it was better I didnt. I had plans with this other girl and when I tried to postpone it she got mad, so I didnt and left the house, leaving my exes things outside. I think everything happens for a reason and I guess I wasnt meant to see my ex. I look much better than before we broke up, and even then I was really good looking, so I wanted to show it off and thats why I am bummed I didnt see her. I just wanted to remind her what she lost. But I guess it doesnt matter. During the text convo we had once I told her I left her stuff outside, she told me that when Im in her town she wants to meet up at least once. The fact that she said atleast once means its a pitty date and I dont want that. So If she does contact me Im just gonna say Im busy. I really hope there is such thing as karma, because this girl really did a number on me. This break up was handled so poorly by her and she proved to be very hallow and fake. Shes oblivious to the pain she caused me and my family.
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Sorry Bro, but she doesn't care about what she's lost. If she did care, she would have been at your place at the appointed time SET UP BY HER!!! She had you waiting around. THEN gives you a text that she's at a friends house and she'll leave in about 45 minutes...sorry, that's wrong. If she cared about you or what she did to you, she would have been there OR if she knew that she was going to be late, call you ahead of time to re-schedule a pick up instead of making wait around THEN contacting you. She doesn't care, run far as you can from this nut job.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Your right. Now Im debating whether I should text her Happy Birthday in a few weeks. My birthday is a few weeks after hers and I know she will probably text me. I just dont like to be nice anymore but then again I dont want to change for people either. Still cant believe she didnt make any effort to call or try to see me aside from getting her stuff after not seeing me for so long.
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Dude, don't text her on her birthday. Again, she could care less. You have to think of her as a ghost now. You heard the stories, there have been confirmed sightings but she isn't real to you anymore. just let her go. You'll be better off for it. Now, go find a girl that WANTS to be with you. That ENJOYS her time with you and build something together. Believe me, she's out there somewhere, up to you if you want to find her......
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Your right. Now Im debating whether I should text her Happy Birthday in a few weeks. My birthday is a few weeks after hers and I know she will probably text me. I just dont like to be nice anymore but then again I dont want to change for people either. Still cant believe she didnt make any effort to call or try to see me aside from getting her stuff after not seeing me for so long. Don't text her on her birthday. She never made any effort to contact you aside from getting her stuff and you've already stated that you do not want to be friends with her. If you want to wish her a happy birthday do it silently to yourself, then you can celebrate her birthday by sticking to NC and working on you. If she does wish you a happy birthday when the time comes, it doesn't matter. I'd suggest not replying to her if she does, but if you do respond a simple "thank you" is the most you'll want to say.
geegirl Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I just dont like to be nice anymore but then again I dont want to change for people either. You're not changing for anyone. You're just detaching and eliminating toxic people from your life. Hiding behind the "i don't want to change for people" or "i want to show I am the bigger person" or better yet "i don't want to come off as bitter", are just excuses to justify the need to have a reason to contact. If you're changing, then you're changing for yourself and for your betterment. It has nothing to do with her.
nowherebound25 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I'm really glad you posted this b/c I'm always trying to decide whether seeing my ex would be a bad or a good thing. My intentions were basically the same as yours. I don't have the highest self esteem in the world but I've seen his new gf and I can top that even on my worst day EASILY. Haha seriously, that's not even coming from a bitter ex-girlfriend stand point. The girl is not cute. Anyways, that's besides the point. So yeah, I've tried twice to meet up with him and both times he ignored me. Well, technically the 2nd time I freaked out after I sent the email and emailed him the next day saying to ignore the first one and then blocked him. As much as I wanted to see him I realized he could easily say something hurtful that would throw me back months of recovery. I'd made it so far, it didn't seem worth the risk. It's good that you didn't see your ex. The fact that you even cared a little bit about what she thought means you're not ready. I'm still not either and I'm going on 7 months. I think the biggest hurdle to overcome after a break up is accepting you may never see or talk to your ex again. It's a painful thought but if there is even the risk of them possibly hurting you again, it's just not worth it. They've done enough damage. Don't give them the chance do anymore.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 What hurt me the most was the fact that she came across country and aside from getting her stuff she didnt call me or try to set up a time to see me. I cant believe this person once called me her best friend, and soul mate. The friends she visited while she was here never come to her bday party and talk to her maybe once a month. I however along with my family always throw her birthdays and have done so much for her. Yet to her these distant friends mattered most. I will be moving across country where she is for school and although she said she wants to see me, I will reject that offer and say Im busy. Im not going to go out of my way to see her when she didnt try to see me or call. I just wish I could say that to her. We dont hate each other, she even told me she loves me 3 months after the break up but I cant believe how insensitive and oblivious she is. I wish she knew how much she hurt me and I really hope what goes around comes around.
skibum Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Hey loverboy I just saw your post today, or I would have left some input earlier. Ive been following your story for quite some time (I'm your breakup doppleganger haha). I would be feeling the exact same way you did if she was going to see me. Its hard as hell and you feel that your are being the better man by being nice and showing her what she is missing. But really, you owe her LITERALLY nothing. What she put you through, what she did to you, the way she handled it and backstabbed you deserves nothing in return. Hell, any normal person would get hate in return. By being the bigger man you are indifferent. Thats so much worse than hate. When I am home next in December I am going to see her parents and go skiing with her Dad hopefully and I will do everything not to see her. No doubt she will email me and want to get together. But that is a sorry immature unrealistic grasp on reality on her part. I mean really? She cant expect to have hurt someone so bad and put them through so much pain and then hang out like old pals as if nothing happened!? That is a very immature view of things. She made her bed and now needs to sleep in it, that is life, you have consequences to your actions. It is not your fault or mine that we cant pretend everything is fine, it is 100% purely in their lap. We are good people, we didnt deserve this. And the best thing and most healthy thing for us to do is to move on and completely ignore them. Hell maybe in a few years things would be fine (I can hang out with and talk with my ex from 7 years ago cuz I dont give a f*** what she does and am completely infdifferent). But that day for our new exes is faaaaaaaaar away. It is sad for sure, we used to share so much and I know you and your ex did too. But that is life, we are the bigger men by moving on and improving ourselves. We dont need to jump from relationship to relationship for self validation. They do. And that shows how they are not ready for the real world. We are gonna be doctors in a year and a half man! Life is going to be great for us, just keep imagining your graduation day. Wow Keep your head up bud, I'm right there with ya
skibum Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 PS she has called me twice since I last spoke to her 2 months ago and I havent answered nor called her back. Dont plan to because it would set me back and it is of no concern to her what I am up to. Better to have her not know what you are doing and then their imagination can run wild as opposed to being privy to what we are doing.
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 18, 2011 Author Posted August 18, 2011 Skibum I know who you are, you dont need to remind me. I cant ever forget your story since it was identical to mine and since we were the only people here studying for the step at that time. Thanks for your post it really meant alot. I cant believe your going to go hang out with her dad. Wow. I wonder what her family thinks of you and all this. In fact I wonder what my exes family thinks of our break up. She told them that the reason we are broken up is because we are going in two separate directions. She didnt say she cheated on me and is dating that guy. I wonder what her family will think when they find out I will be working in her town. I dont think they would care and probably side with her ignorantly. Im trying to become indifferent as I feel she already has. I know she will contact me once Im over there but I think I may either not answer or say Im busy. As you said they made their bed and now they have to sleep in it. Congrats on making it this far and thanks alot for your advice.
skibum Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 No prob loverboy, anytime I can help you out let me know. I feel like Im in a good place and am pretty optimistic for the future and although I dont know you I want you to get in the same place (because who doesnt like happy people?). I know her fam is on my side, her mom was devastated and thinks my ex is making a terrible decision. And I was always close to her parents, I love them like my own. I wont let the ex ruin that for me. Ive already had lunch with them and skiing is part of the plan. The ex obviously wont be there and Ill avoid her, but her parents have made it clear that I am welcome to them anytime and said that when I get a new gf they would love to have us both for dinner. I think our relationship has evolved beyond them just being the gfs parents long ago and they are close friends no matter what their daughters relationship with me is. I think knowing that her parents are on my side has made the transition easier, but they knew my side of the story and didnt get all these crazy lies from my ex. I dont know about your exes parents, but I can say that they are probably a lot more mature than your ex and can see above all her GIGS or whatever she has. Although she is their daughter and they still love her I predict that they dont have a bad opinion of you. Heck they knew you for almost 6 years I am assuming you must have made a good impression during that time that cant be undone by some girl who is now shacking up with someone else. Best of luck pal
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Can't wait to hear the story !! It hurts like Hell ! Another slap in the face ! My EX did think I looked good We went to bed yesterday ! Since may ! Now today another story !! Just beware ! Everything goes out the door once you see them ! She wants to see you !! Good luck on the game !!
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