holymolys Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Sorry everyone, but this is ganna be a long one , but I am really lost and I hope someone can give me some good advice So I first met this girl a year ago, we are in the same grad program and just finished the 1st year. I didn't really talk to her much until the start of the second semester, but we've became really close, she comes to me for just about everything from school to relationship and sometimes family issues, she has even revealed some very intimate things about her life that I know she doesn't talk to people about, I am probably her best guy friend now When I got back from vacation in July she was asking me to hang out with her, she broke up with her bf 2 months before that, and I was reluctantly to ask her to go on a date because she never showed clear signs of interest in dating me... So I went with the flow and only made moves after she made them, eventually we decided to go watch the new harry potter movie, through conversation I found out she's sort of a fan and read all the books, and me on the other hand read nothing and didn't even bother to watch the movies... so I watched all 7 in a week, I just wanted to show that I'm interested in whatever she's interested in and so we went, with her sister too, which got weird at one point when we played some arcade before the movies and her sister wiped out her iPad thing and held it up, and did what I can only imagine as filming or taking pictures... after the movies we sat outside and they looked through the pictures I took on my trip and chatted for a while before parting. Then during the next 1.5 weeks she stopped saying anything to me not even texting me like we usually do... I thought she was done with it all so I was sort of disappointed, but I didn't want to bug her and look desperate, then one day I woke up and felt like I needed to ask what happened, I checked my phone and she texted just earlier, she had some family issues to sort out but now she wanted to hang out again, this time in a mall so I gladly accepted... The "mall trip" as she calls it is totally bizarre and loaded with mixed messages, she came alone, which is surprising, my definition of dating is basically 2 single people hanging out, but when I mentioned that I saw another classmate online earlier in the day she was like why didn't you invite him to come too... eh… We shopped around for mostly girly things... CANDY/Lipstick/Tanktops... she got her ear pierced again while I was there, and I brought her some funny earrings, weren't that expensive but it was sort of a joke we both understood, but she immediately returned the favor by buying me a drink... she chatted with her mom on the phone twice and it sounded almost like her mom knows who I am since she mentions my name on the phone like they all know me, I don't really know much about her family... so we spent around 4 hours in that mall, we had a good time and there were some minor flirting. I know she really enjoyed it because the laughing never stopped. I'm rather spontaneous so there's always something to joke about. She also revealed that she is having problems with school/stress and was considering doing less credits this year, I tried to convince her not to do that though it didn't work, I felt it was necessary to let her know that I am there for her (like I always am) so I played her a song via email later that day (rascal flatts i won't let go), took me a while to have the strength to hit send but she really appreciated it and said i made her summer better and its good to have me in her life, such and such. Though ultimately she didn't change her mind but it's her choice... Then a couple of days ago I really pushed it... we chat almost daily, but that night I texted her at 3am (I know...), about a place we can go to eat and she texted back said she would love to go, 3am... but when i woke up in the morning i found out she had already invited some classmates for lunch, it was fine with me because we are all close friends but there goes my 1 on 1... the place i said was really too far for lunch, so we agreed to go there for the "next mall trip"... we all went to lunch and no one said anything about what we did during the summer, she only quickly mentioned getting ear piercing done and that I was there with her, not sure if that good or bad... Anyways we have another dinner+movie outing next week with 2 other people in our class (both very close to me), we'll see how it goes... She's the type of person that's ultra nice to everyone, so it's very hard to read what's on her mind, it's entirely possible that "us' has never crossed her mind, if this is high school I'd asked already but we have 3 more years of classes together in a class of only 40 people and this year we'll be sticking each other with needles and it could get very awkward, honestly I just donno how she feels about me I am truly confused and would really appreciates any comments and analysis... is she even into me? do I have any chance at this? is it worth it to go forward?
Easyguy14 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Sorry everyone, but this is ganna be a long one , but I am really lost and I hope someone can give me some good advice So I first met this girl a year ago, we are in the same grad program and just finished the 1st year. I didn't really talk to her much until the start of the second semester, but we've became really close, she comes to me for just about everything from school to relationship and sometimes family issues, she has even revealed some very intimate things about her life that I know she doesn't talk to people about, I am probably her best guy friend now When I got back from vacation in July she was asking me to hang out with her, she broke up with her bf 2 months before that, and I was reluctantly to ask her to go on a date because she never showed clear signs of interest in dating me... So I went with the flow and only made moves after she made them, eventually we decided to go watch the new harry potter movie, through conversation I found out she's sort of a fan and read all the books, and me on the other hand read nothing and didn't even bother to watch the movies... so I watched all 7 in a week, I just wanted to show that I'm interested in whatever she's interested in and so we went, with her sister too, which got weird at one point when we played some arcade before the movies and her sister wiped out her iPad thing and held it up, and did what I can only imagine as filming or taking pictures... after the movies we sat outside and they looked through the pictures I took on my trip and chatted for a while before parting. Then during the next 1.5 weeks she stopped saying anything to me not even texting me like we usually do... I thought she was done with it all so I was sort of disappointed, but I didn't want to bug her and look desperate, then one day I woke up and felt like I needed to ask what happened, I checked my phone and she texted just earlier, she had some family issues to sort out but now she wanted to hang out again, this time in a mall so I gladly accepted... The "mall trip" as she calls it is totally bizarre and loaded with mixed messages, she came alone, which is surprising, my definition of dating is basically 2 single people hanging out, but when I mentioned that I saw another classmate online earlier in the day she was like why didn't you invite him to come too... eh… We shopped around for mostly girly things... CANDY/Lipstick/Tanktops... she got her ear pierced again while I was there, and I brought her some funny earrings, weren't that expensive but it was sort of a joke we both understood, but she immediately returned the favor by buying me a drink... she chatted with her mom on the phone twice and it sounded almost like her mom knows who I am since she mentions my name on the phone like they all know me, I don't really know much about her family... so we spent around 4 hours in that mall, we had a good time and there were some minor flirting. I know she really enjoyed it because the laughing never stopped. I'm rather spontaneous so there's always something to joke about. She also revealed that she is having problems with school/stress and was considering doing less credits this year, I tried to convince her not to do that though it didn't work, I felt it was necessary to let her know that I am there for her (like I always am) so I played her a song via email later that day (rascal flatts i won't let go), took me a while to have the strength to hit send but she really appreciated it and said i made her summer better and its good to have me in her life, such and such. Though ultimately she didn't change her mind but it's her choice... Then a couple of days ago I really pushed it... we chat almost daily, but that night I texted her at 3am (I know...), about a place we can go to eat and she texted back said she would love to go, 3am... but when i woke up in the morning i found out she had already invited some classmates for lunch, it was fine with me because we are all close friends but there goes my 1 on 1... the place i said was really too far for lunch, so we agreed to go there for the "next mall trip"... we all went to lunch and no one said anything about what we did during the summer, she only quickly mentioned getting ear piercing done and that I was there with her, not sure if that good or bad... Anyways we have another dinner+movie outing next week with 2 other people in our class (both very close to me), we'll see how it goes... She's the type of person that's ultra nice to everyone, so it's very hard to read what's on her mind, it's entirely possible that "us' has never crossed her mind, if this is high school I'd asked already but we have 3 more years of classes together in a class of only 40 people and this year we'll be sticking each other with needles and it could get very awkward, honestly I just donno how she feels about me I am truly confused and would really appreciates any comments and analysis... is she even into me? do I have any chance at this? is it worth it to go forward? you found no clear signs of interest because there is none. she likes you as a friend as she does the others in your class. she might find you to be the nicest of the group so she talks to you more but that's about it. I've learned that when women are interested in a guy they aren't as open and talkative in the beginning. from my experience they hold back a bit to be sure where you stand with them before they start letting you know of their interest. this is done on her behalf to avoid disappointment in the off-chance that you're not into her. since this girl has already showed you her hand and is always inviting people on hangout trips with you, she's making it clear that she isn't into you that way. hope you understand now.
Professor X Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 If you want to know, than you simply ask her out! Stop beating around the damn bush! "my definition of dating is basically 2 single people hanging out" - this needs fixing because dating is when you ask someone on a date, NOT when you manipulate yourself into a situation where you're 1x1 with a certain person. If this was the definition of a date, I'd have way more dating under my hood than I have now, even gay dating! Anyway, I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here really. There's a big possibility that you've been friend-zoned by now, though one can never be certain until he asks. "but we have 3 more years of classes together in a class of only 40 people and this year we'll be sticking each other with needles and it could get very awkward" - well, life's a bitch and you gotta grab it by the balls. Never trying means that you'll never lose but also means you'll never succeed. So ask(no manipulations of getting you alone somehow, just ask!) her out on a date, before it's to late, before she finds someone else and than I promise you, you'll have NO chance.
dispatch3d Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Just ask her out. Ask for a date, just the two of you, no friends this time. Just say you like her too much to remain just friends. I personally wouldn't want to participate in this quasi-friendship thing.
Professor X Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I've learned that when women are interested in a guy they aren't as open and talkative in the beginning. from my experience they hold back a bit to be sure where you stand with them before they start letting you know of their interest. I have to disagree, all my RS thus far started as friendship - and not a long one too, just a few weeks friendship. And they were very talkative with me, our conversations were extremely smooth, funny and easy going - so there was never any holding back.
Easyguy14 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I have to disagree, all my RS thus far started as friendship - and not a long one too, just a few weeks friendship. And they were very talkative with me, our conversations were extremely smooth, funny and easy going - so there was never any holding back. perhaps its a nyc thing with the women
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