LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Wear a cast...on both arms. Yeah and he would probably just shove her in, and then pat her on the head, "your good.:p"
Feelsgoodman Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I agree.. kids today have no manners.. I always open the door/car door for a woman.. even if I don't know her.. I also open the door/car door for my Mom every time too.. something kids today don't do.. You are right. If one is conditioned to do this from an early age, he'll likely continue doing it out of habit for the rest of his life. Reminds me of Dr. Strangelove, who's hand involuntarily did the "heil hitler" salute every time he greeted the president. Personally, I wasn't taught to open car doors, pull out chairs, etc., so to me, it feels like a rather weird/awkward gesture. It almost implies that women are physically handicapped and can't manage a simple task like opening the door.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 A man should open the car door for you, and he should pull the chair out for you when seated at a restaurant. All my exs did that and not just on the first couple dates.....all the time. Very respectful. I always do the car thing, even if I've been dating them for over a year ....Have never and will never do the chair thing...it just seems awkward.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I always do the car thing, even if I've been dating them for over a year ....Have never and will never do the chair thing...it just seems awkward. The pulling out the chair is not done because the man feels that the woman is too weak to pull a chair out. It is done to show that the woman he chose for this date, is special to him, and by pulling out the chair, he is openly inviting her to enjoy an evening meal with him in a warm and open manner. I can see that today people are just hooking up so much on date sites and such, that dates are just viewed as quick interviews, hit or dismiss. they are not special and do not mean much.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 The pulling out the chair is not done because the man feels that the woman is too weak to pull a chair out. It is done to show that the woman he chose for this date, is special to him, and by pulling out the chair, he is openly inviting her to enjoy an evening meal with him in a warm and open manner. I can see that today people are just hooking up so much on date sites and such, that dates are just viewed as quick interviews, hit or dismiss. they are not special and do not mean much. That's a big assumption there you make, that anyone who doesn't like what you like is just into hooking up. I think dates are special, and I never just "hook up." I date and have relationships. No "hanging out" for me. And I hate the chair thing. It DOES seem awkward. We're already enjoying an evening meal together and he already invited me! Why would he need to pull out my chair to signify that? Manners change over time and through societies. I mean, read Jane Austen's books (all comedies of manners which poke fun at the manners of her time) and just look how different manners are today. I don't see dates as interviews (I mean, maybe the first date goes a little near there, because you're trying to figure the person out!). I see them as chances to build great experiences with someone and get to know them and spend time with them.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 That's a big assumption there you make, that anyone who doesn't like what you like is just into hooking up. I think dates are special, and I never just "hook up." I date and have relationships. No "hanging out" for me. And I hate the chair thing. It DOES seem awkward. We're already enjoying an evening meal together and he already invited me! Why would he need to pull out my chair to signify that? Manners change over time and through societies. I mean, read Jane Austen's books (all comedies of manners which poke fun at the manners of her time) and just look how different manners are today. I don't see dates as interviews (I mean, maybe the first date goes a little near there, because you're trying to figure the person out!). I see them as chances to build great experiences with someone and get to know them and spend time with them. I am speaking more from the men's perspective, women are just to easy today. Easy dibs. The man doesn't like one, he picks from a herd of others, plastering their profiles on dating sites. Easy pickings, lots of dates= substandard dates.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 The pulling out the chair is not done because the man feels that the woman is too weak to pull a chair out. It is done to show that the woman he chose for this date, is special to him, and by pulling out the chair, he is openly inviting her to enjoy an evening meal with him in a warm and open manner. I can see that today people are just hooking up so much on date sites and such, that dates are just viewed as quick interviews, hit or dismiss. they are not special and do not mean much. I never said it was....it just looks awkward to do and you have to time it right to push it in as she sits down, if you're too late you scoot the chair with her on it...too fast and you hit the back of her knees with the chair....
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I never said it was....it just looks awkward to do and you have to time it right to push it in as she sits down, if you're too late you scoot the chair with her on it...too fast and you hit the back of her knees with the chair.... You do not need to push it in, just pulling it out is enough.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I am speaking more from the men's perspective, women are just to easy today. Easy dibs. The man doesn't like one, he picks from a herd of others, plastering their profiles on dating sites. Easy pickings, lots of dates= substandard dates. I don't see it that way at all. I have known men who never tried the chair thing who definitely appreciated me. But they appreciated me as a person, not just because I was a girl and their Momma taught them to treat me a certain way. I'd rather be appreciated as a person! If the guy is pulling out chairs and opening doors for any girl he'd go out with, how is that special?
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I don't see it that way at all. I have known men who never tried the chair thing who definitely appreciated me. But they appreciated me as a person, not just because I was a girl and their Momma taught them to treat me a certain way. I'd rather be appreciated as a person! If the guy is pulling out chairs and opening doors for any girl he'd go out with, how is that special? Not true, these men are not going to invite a girl that do not seem well suited for such treatment.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 How do you know they are doing it out of custom, they may be opening the doors and pulling out the seat for a girl they are really into, and letting it fall back in the face of one they are not. Some men may be lazy because they are just not interested enough. A male poster posted this the other night, that the reason he did not want to put out too much special treatment on dates was because he was not estatic or that excited about his potential prospects. I would rather spend the evening alone, then go on a half ass date.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 ETA: To your post above. . . (I was writing at the time) The guys that do it say they do it, as habit (on here). And that's how I see it. . . as a habit. Not true, these men are not going to invite a girl that do not seem well suited for such treatment. I guess I disagree with your premise. Also, when a guy first asks you out, you're a near-stranger in many cases. He's basing his actions on who he HOPES you are, not who you really are. You're a cipher at that point, and he'd do the same for anyone he could pin his hopes on and wanted to impress. I'm not saying I want guys to go around being huge, jerk-like slobs, but I want him to be more interested in actively getting to know me than impressing me.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 ETA: To your post above. . . (I was writing at the time) The guys that do it say they do it, as habit (on here). And that's how I see it. . . as a habit. I guess I disagree with your premise. Also, when a guy first asks you out, you're a near-stranger in many cases. He's basing his actions on who he HOPES you are, not who you really are. You're a cipher at that point, and he'd do the same for anyone he could pin his hopes on and wanted to impress. I'm not saying I want guys to go around being huge, jerk-like slobs, but I want him to be more interested in actively getting to know me than impressing me. That is how we are different, I would NEVER go on a date with a near-stranger. There has to be a significant phase of knowing one another before I step out with a guy or you know of them through acquaintances.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 That is how we are different, I would NEVER go on a date with a near-stranger. There has to be a significant phase of knowing one another before I step out with a guy or you know of them through acquaintances. How can you get to know the guy without going out with him? (Unless you ONLY meet through friends, but even then . . . unless he IS my friend, which would be awkward if we were into dating each other. . . I still don't know HIM well. You have to spend time getting to know someone to get to know them.)
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 How can you get to know the guy without going out with him? (Unless you ONLY meet through friends, but even then . . . unless he IS my friend, which would be awkward if we were into dating each other. . . I still don't know HIM well. You have to spend time getting to know someone to get to know them.) I have always mostly gone on dates with persons I know of, never strangers, if a strange man wants a date with me, then he better get used to the idea of many phone calls, text, a long getting to know one another period. If he is unwilling, farewell and good day.
threebyfate Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I want my date to open the car door for me but I don't just want to tell him to do it..that would be weird since we barely know each other..any suggestions?How significant is this on the scale of common courtesy like not allowing any door to slam in your face or watching you literally drag a box too heavy to carry while he casually saunters next to you? Also, how significant is opening a car door, as compared to intelligence, a sense of humour and other personality traits? I do understand how important common courtesy can be. But opening a car door isn't common courtesy anymore and isn't worth trying to "get" someone to do it, at least from my perspective. Isn't it better to allow him to be himself and see if you're compatible or not? Hopefully something as insignificant as opening the car door isn't a dealbreaker for you and if it is, then walk away now.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 "But opening a car door isn't common courtesy anymore and isn't worth trying to "get" someone to do it, at least from my perspective." This is really disheartening to hear, no wonder the top rated show the last few years was about a bunch of greased up buffooned monkeys jumping around being completely, ignorant, obnoxious, and innappropriate toward women. People today see this as the norm, and men are being raised to think this is appropriate.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 "But opening a car door isn't common courtesy anymore and isn't worth trying to "get" someone to do it, at least from my perspective." This is really disheartening to hear, no wonder the top rated show the last few years was about a bunch of greased up buffooned monkeys jumping around being completely, ignorant, obnoxious, and innappropriate toward women. People today see this as the norm, and men are being raised to think this is appropriate. If you are talking about Jersey Shore the women are just as bad on that show.
threebyfate Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 If you are talking about Jersey Shore the women are just as bad on that show.Don't bother Woggle. It's a deliberate attempt to annoy.
Nexus One Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I hold open doors in order to not have them slam shut in other people's faces or when people are carrying stuff. I understand that it looks respectful to open a door for a woman or pull out a chair for her, but lets be honest, even the biggest jerks can do that and fake being a gentleman. Other than it looking respectful I don't see the practical value of it and to be really honest it's a form of game playing. But it does seem to have an effect on some women. Some time ago I was sitting next to my brother in his car and he picked up a female friend of his which stepped into the back of the car. When my brother dropped me off I stepped out of the car, opened the back-door for her so that she could step out of the car and switch to the front seat. When she stepped out of the car the look on her face kind of surprised me, she really seemed to enjoy/appreciate it and kept eye contact while smiling during the entire process of stepping out of the car. I'm not into her and she never indicated to me that she's into me, so I was puzzled, as all I did was open a car door. I never really thought about it in the sense of courting, I saw it more from the perspective of common sense and common decency. I kind of dislike it when a woman expects a guy to do it and fake it, because if it's not coming from himself, then what's the point? The fact that a guy holds open a door or pulls out a chair really doesn't say anything, even the biggest bastard can do it, it doesn't mean he's actually a gentleman.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Don't bother Woggle. It's a deliberate attempt to annoy. Maybe you are right. I live where Jersey Shore is filmed and the women in the clubs here are far from being innocent victims. The men and women are pretty much as bad as each other. What people don't get is that the show only represents a very small part of the actual Jersey Shore that is pretty much confined to a few clubs.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 "I understand that it looks respectful to open a door for a woman or pull out a chair for her, but lets be honest, even the biggest jerks can do that and fake being a gentleman. Other than it looking respectful I don't see the practical value of it and to be really honest it's a form of game playing." Very true. That is why you can lesson your odds, might not be bullet proof, by actually getting to know someone well, before you step out with them.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I have always mostly gone on dates with persons I know of, never strangers, if a strange man wants a date with me, then he better get used to the idea of many phone calls, text, a long getting to know one another period. If he is unwilling, farewell and good day. Ah, first of all when I say near-stranger I don't necessarily mean it's always some dude off the street I just met (I'm not opposed to that). But I cannot stay on the phone for longer than 15 minutes without getting annoyed, and I don't feel like I can get to know someone via phone, text, FB, or emails. I corresponded with a BF once (because I was on another continent) for two months, but the day I first saw him in person, he was still a near-stranger to me, though we had mutual friends and everything. So we define it differently. Personally, though, if I'm on the same continent, I don't see the point in not meeting. I like being around people, not just talking to them from afar. For me, phones, emails, texts, FB. . . that's all for when you CAN'T see someone or setting up times TO see someone. And that's with friends as well. I'd never call a friend and chat if I could just hang out with her/him instead! Everything before you start interacting together and being put in situations together. . . you still don't really know the other person. You only know what they've decided to tell you. Maybe you are right. I live where Jersey Shore is filmed and the women in the clubs here are far from being innocent victims. The men and women are pretty much as bad as each other. What people don't get is that the show only represents a very small part of the actual Jersey Shore that is pretty much confined to a few clubs. Woggle, there are Jersey Shore (the show) types all over the place, and I think anyone who thinks all people from New Jersey act like that is an idiot. (I don't think the poster said that, though, but I'm guessing you reacted so strongly because other people have. Just ignore that crap.) How significant is this on the scale of common courtesy like not allowing any door to slam in your face or watching you literally drag a box too heavy to carry while he casually saunters next to you? Yeah, that's kind of what I was saying with the luggage thing! And I agree these things just aren't common courtesy anymore. "But opening a car door isn't common courtesy anymore and isn't worth trying to "get" someone to do it, at least from my perspective." This is really disheartening to hear, no wonder the top rated show the last few years was about a bunch of greased up buffooned monkeys jumping around being completely, ignorant, obnoxious, and innappropriate toward women. People today see this as the norm, and men are being raised to think this is appropriate. I don't think people are Jersey Shore (again, the show) types just because they don't open doors for ladies. Actually, the guys on that show when they actually like a girl talk about "treating her nice" (I think . . . at least according to a clip on Tosh.O which is the only bits I see of it) and those are the types of guys I really hate, like what you're saying: They break out the manners or treat a girl differently based upon her being GF material while they "smush" with anything that's DTF and don't even learn her name. I hold open doors in order to not have them slam shut in other people's faces or when people are carrying stuff. So do I! I hope everyone does! I understand that it looks respectful to open a door for a woman or pull out a chair for her, but lets be honest, even the biggest jerks can do that and fake being a gentleman. Other than it looking respectful I don't see the practical value of it and to be really honest it's a form of game playing. I concur with Nexus on this one. Though I do think some fellows really do have it ingrained in them, and that's okay too. I don't want to make it sound like every guy who does it is a jerk!
FitChick Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 The only time I'd wait for a man to open the car door was if it was raining and he had the only umbrella. Otherwise, I'm too impatient and when we arrive somewhere I want to get out. Holding a building door open is a nice gesture though.
LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 In the end, what really matters, is that you are happy with your SO, not if anyone else is. I believe as long as there is no abuse and the two parties are respectful of one another, it is fine. What I find sad, is when women want men to treat them like sh*t, and find this treatment to mean the man cares for them, or chasing them and not seeing and learning this is a fruitless and embarrassing task, and continue to do so for attention and validation.
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