MAGGIE15 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Its been 2 weeks now of NC and it is driving me mad. I want to text him with all the questions i have in my head, but i now he will be cold and unresponsive and it will just set me back. I read on here that week 3 is usually the turning point and once you get past that it gets easier. I know it will do me no good whatsoever texting him and his lack of communication should show me that he has completely moved on and really couldnt careless if he hears from me again. Even though i know in the llong run it is the best thing i can do for myself, why do i still feel the need to text him. I know it sounds so pathetic and childish, but i didnt realise it would be so hard. Its like i hve this gaping hole inside me and i cant fill it , no matter what i do. I just feel empty and sad. Why does it seem to be getting harder as time goes on, shouldnt it be getting easier? My logic tells me to steer clear and never contact him again, but my heart screams for me to do it, just to take the pain away, but i know it will comeback tenfold afterwards. Why cant i just see sense??
Nohbody Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 This will sound trite, but you will see the sense when you get to that point. Right now it's a bit like rehab. Every time you think about your ex, you get a flood of dopamine in the brain. The longer you remain disconnected from your fix, the easier it will get. At least, that reasoning helped me.
ConfusedT Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 im only day 4, so i know exactly what you're going through. ive broken NC so many times only to get ignored or cussed at (bad falling out)... Nothing good has ever came from it. I kept thinking maybe he'll regret it, just MAYBE... but ultimately, it's more about you letting go. You have unanswered questions because he wasnt man enough to tell you the whole truth... sorry to say. neither was mine, but what goes around comes back around...no revenge, ill just pray for you!
california15 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) it's kinda like an addiction, for someone who is trying to quit. You know smoking is bad for you, and you get really bad cravings, and you give into the cravings momentarily for the feel-good feeling you get from smoking. Theennn afterwards you feel guilty. Probably more guilty that you gave in, than the actual act of smoking (in your case calling/texting him). Cravings are there, because you've fed them for so long. And now they're not being fed so they're more intense than before, and harder to turn down. But you can do it. You've done it for 2 weeks. Whats 2 weeks more? And then 2 weeks more after that? I know a friend who put a sticky note on her phone at night when her 'cravings' to call the ex were the worst and it said "You'll feel worse afterwards" It helped her, but everyone has different things that work for them. Me, I had to turn my phone off at night for the first week or so. I guess we want to reach out to them partly because we want them to apologize, explain, reconcile - why else would we want to? I think it gets harder sometimes as time goes on, because we think "well we should have heard from them by now" or we start to realize they really aren't coming back, that the 'window' of immediate reconciliation has past. That we're actually moving on... and so are they. I miss my ex too sometimes and want to reach out. But I dont'. Mostly because I'm stubborn and want to heal and move on, and I know its for the best if I dont. and partly Because 1) he may ignore me 2)he may say something mean 3) he lives with HER now, and I don't want her answering his phone if I call and 4) what if he apologizes? I wouldn't know what to say in any of those senarios, so I try to avoid them. stay strong. you said it yourself, reaching out will only set you back. You realize that, which is huge. Edited August 13, 2011 by california15
Author MAGGIE15 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 Thank you to you all for your replies. I never realised that giving up someone would be so hard. It is taking all my strength to not text and ask why. Why lie to me? Why use me? Why make promises you never had any intention of keeping. Why shatter my heart when i bared my soul to you? These questions torment me now as i guess i held on to the hope, that he would contact me and as time goes on , it becomes blatantly clear that i meant absolutely nothing to him. I know texting will only set me back and i know it has only been 2 weeks, but it feels like 2 years. I know it is the best thing for me and everyone in the long run, but i just wish it wasnt so painful and hard. Its like every day, he doesnt contact me, i feel rejected all over again and reality tells me , i didnt mean a thing to him and everything he told me was a lie. And that in turn makes me want to ask why all the more. Sometimes, i wish i was as cold as ice like him and then it wouldnt hurt so much.
Nohbody Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 People don't know why they do anything. Even if he would give you an answer the 'why' to those questions would be different now than it was then, and would be different again in a week. Stay the course.
SillyS Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I got caught up in that today. I was walking home from a friend's house, and although I realize he snapped and painting me black. What triggered that, what made him look for a way out? So I called him and he responded me in email. Now we are skyping tomorrow, and I wish I wouldn't be in that situation tomorrow. Should I just talk to him or tell him kindly some other time?
Nohbody Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Introduce a little chaos. Blow him off, don't tell him.
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