Steven T Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 The only thing that is stopping me getting over my ex is hoping she is going to get back into contact with me. My question is how do I stop hoping? It's the only thing thats setting me back. Thanks friends Steve
movana Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I don't know what the answer to this one is...maybe you should contact her and if you don't get the response you would like you might stop hoping she'll contact you? This may lead to an acceptance of things. This way you're taking control of the situation, rather than waiting for her to do so and if it doesn't work out you can move on, knowing you tried your best. Good luck
thelovingkind Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Time + no contact, works every time. It might feel like you need to be more "pro-active" than that and have some closure conversation, but you really don't. Give it time, keep out of contact, and guaranteed you will stop hoping and stop caring before too long.
Nohbody Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 they say hope springs eternal. ultimately, I think you have to give up on the person completely. Just like they gave up on you.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Everyone hopes a little...I still have a small quiver of hope that my ex will call me one day wanting to talk...I know it will never happen, but I've moved on from the whole thing. Best way? Probably meet someone else, maybe casually date and find other women to take your mind off your ex.
Author Steven T Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 they say hope springs eternal. ultimately, I think you have to give up on the person completely. Just like they gave up on you. Very true. Thanks for the replies. Having a new girlfriend is sure to help me.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Very true. Thanks for the replies. Having a new girlfriend is sure to help me. Just be careful...don't find yourself jumping into a relationship just to be with someone, make sure she is someone you like
Author Steven T Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 I sure will do, thanks my friend.
ConfusedT Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 time... im only day 4 and im going through it, but i have to focus on me and so do you. stop worrying about anyone else but yourself, bc if she is coming back, even with distance and time, she is going to & on the other end, if she's not, nothing will... =/
california15 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 don't have expectations. Don't expect that "well its been 6 months/my birthday/christmas/whatever, so surely I'll hear from her by then" because if 6 months etc rolls around and you haven't, then you're disappointed. don't think that you're the exception either (I struggled with this one). Get rid of the mentality "Well were different, she's different, our relationship is different" because regardless of how 'different' the person or relationship is, most relationships end for a reason. They end with the intention of no reconciliation. If the reason wasn't there, the relationship still would be. There is a reason the relationship is over. Whether or not you agree with it is another story - but try to look at your relationship from a 3rd party view and see why it ended - for me it helps having a reason (I will admit I don't know the background of your story though) I agree with Nohbody - give up on them, because they gave up on you. If they are dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let them go. Everyone reaches acceptance at different points, but once you do it helps speed things along. You'll get there - be patient with yourself.
shortee143 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 they say hope springs eternal. ultimately, I think you have to give up on the person completely. Just like they gave up on you. Exactly, you just start to give up on them. After awhile, I found all the post break up misery to be exhausting!! I still love him, but he moved on to a new girl now, not to mention put me thru hell by things he has said/done to me post breakup. I see him often (mutual friends), so I just really tell myself it isnt worth it anymore to put myself thru it. Is there a small part of me that has hope still? Most definitely and that is a normal part of the breakup process, but also, my mind is getting much stronger in time in terms of not wanting to be with someone that put me thru the things he did. Holding out hope will def effect your moving on...but you just need to make a conscious effort to move forward, bc if you sit and dwell, and wonder all the time, you are only continuing to exhaust your broken heart and brain.
Lucid1 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Ah man, that's a hard place to be. About a week ago I came to realize that my pain wasn't going to leave. Might fade eventually, probably will, but right now it's like the elephant in the room. Somehow I finally accepted that I'm going to live with the pain of loss for a long time and nothing is going to make it go away, not another relationship, (which is just a band-aid), and not even time. When my now 7 year old son is graduating from high school in 10 years or so, that pain is going to resurface as I think about what was lost. But somehow, something broke inside (my pride? stubbornness?) and I came to the point where I just accept it as part of my new life and go on. It's part of me now, like my graying hair or my cynicism. Forget trying to force it. It'll come.
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Having hope is normal. I'm 5 months out of my relationship and I still have this glimmer of hope lingering- but it has really diminished with time. What helps is accepting that it's over. I've completely accepted that he's never coming back to me- and with that acceptance, the hope just lessens on its own.
Author Steven T Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 don't have expectations. Don't expect that "well its been 6 months/my birthday/christmas/whatever, so surely I'll hear from her by then" because if 6 months etc rolls around and you haven't, then you're disappointed. don't think that you're the exception either (I struggled with this one). Get rid of the mentality "Well were different, she's different, our relationship is different" because regardless of how 'different' the person or relationship is, most relationships end for a reason. They end with the intention of no reconciliation. If the reason wasn't there, the relationship still would be. There is a reason the relationship is over. Whether or not you agree with it is another story - but try to look at your relationship from a 3rd party view and see why it ended - for me it helps having a reason (I will admit I don't know the background of your story though) I agree with Nohbody - give up on them, because they gave up on you. If they are dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let them go. Everyone reaches acceptance at different points, but once you do it helps speed things along. You'll get there - be patient with yourself. I do agree with everything you said. I think the problem is that the relationship didnt end badly. I thought it was best to end it due to her treating me more as a friend than a boyfriend and I never knew where I stood with her. So I changed my number and decided this was for the best. I was tired of always making the effort and not getting anything back. It's sad because we had such chemistry and got on so well, it was perfect and the days I spent with her were the best days of my life, I was so happy with her. I dont know why she gave up on me.
california15 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm sorry - I don't know why my ex gave up on me either, especially when he was all about getting married one day and ignoring me the next. It sucks ass. And sometimes the relationships that are the hardest to let go of are the ones that don't end badly because you can't see the reason as clearly as if, lets say for example, it ended because of cheating or abuse or drugs. You got this though. Believe in yourself.
WindWhisperer Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm on day 8... Its as painful as day 1 but I know there is nothing I can do except have no contact with him and time. Seems lame but is for the best. Did you read the G.I.G.S thread? It helped shed some light on the situation.
betterdeal Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 How about not giving up on hope, but sublimating it to something else, something more positive and good? I hope I learn from this. I hope I feel myself again soon. I hope she does well. I hope I understand myself better. I hope I meet someone (but not too soon). I hope I find love and peace. I hope I find a way to live that makes me happy. I suggest you change your phone number and block all social media. Turn your phone off at night at the very least. By doing this you make it clear to yourself that you won't hear from her, and you can then grieve your loss properly and, when the time is right, move on.
Dblock10 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 i had a similar situation, just felt like i gave more than i got in return. and i would always give more than i got in return. she was always fitting me in around her life, and if she had anything on she would do that instead of to see me. either way its over now and it feels like i never knew her properly. she never let me. i hope she enjoys her time travelling and once shes back to this country i hope she realises reality and thinks to herself she could have had something amazing with me. i highly doubt that will happen. she seems to jump from person to person. if it wasnt for me making it fb official id have CONSTANTLY not known where i stood in terms of "am i her bf" or am i just "seeing her" watch 500 days of summer. really good film. it seems you and I had been seeing this type of girl.
TheDovic Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I've started using a book called "I can mend your broken heart" by a psychologist / hypnotist named Paul McKenna. It gives a lot of NLP techniques for forgetting, plus it comes with a hypnosis CD to help forget her. I've been using it for just under a week so far an am feeling a bit better (alhough I still miss her terribly at times). I'm hoping the more I use this the easier forgetting her will be. Hope this helps dude PS, will you have a look at my post please? (entitled "she's stopped texting")
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