Manutara Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 After a year or so of mainly frequenting the Coping threads (via the Second Chances threads occasionally ), I'm now safely back here in the Dating section, and in need of some friendly advice! I don't have too many problems meeting girls, getting phone numbers etc., and following these up with dates and more, but more than always with girls who I sense interest on their part early on, i.e. not being particularly adventurous (me). My real question is with those girls who you have no idea if they're interested by you or not...so obviously as a guy I try to demonstrate confidence, humour, a bit of self-deprecation etc., and see how it plays out. Where I struggle is when I'm mainly communicating with a girl via FB (someone I've met briefly but who doesn't necessarily live nearby), and knowing how interested or detatched I need to be. It might all sound like games, but obviously no girl wants to be freaked out by some guy coming on too strong straight away, and yet I know that girls love to feel special, and to some extent be 'hunted'. Anyone got any solid advice, or is it just a case by case issue? Thanks.
smudge21 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 When you get the answer, please let us all know. Seriously, the amount of times I've either come on too strong and then not strong enough... so annoying. I think it's a case of wanting to know how a woman thinks and being able to know exactly the right thing to do or say. Sadly I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that one, and nor should we. My only advice (if you can call it advice from someone who has the same questions as you) is to do your best to find out about them first and then judge how much to say or do. Just by speaking to them and asking about their lives (but not too deeply) you can usually see how open and honest they're going to be and then you can decide how open and honest (and forward) you should be. Obviously don't go telling them your life story or even asking them theirs, but just some info on their likes and interests and then lots of random chat in between so you can keep it funny and friendly. Saying all that though, that's not a firm indication of how things are going to work out. It's still a adventure where the outcome is unknown.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I think girls like direct but not clingy. And, of course, it depends on if she likes you or had sincere intent to date you period (some girls just want attention; it happens). But I've never heard of a girl losing interest in guy because he called too soon or asked her out too directly. (Maybe expressing she never had any interest, sure. But at least you know.) That said, if you call CONSTANTLY to the point where it's oppressing or seem needy like you'd go out with anyone, it'd be a turn-off. But if you're coming from a healthy place, you should be fine.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I think girls like direct but not clingy. And, of course, it depends on if she likes you or had sincere intent to date you period (some girls just want attention; it happens). But I've never heard of a girl losing interest in guy because he called too soon or asked her out too directly. (Maybe expressing she never had any interest, sure. But at least you know.) That said, if you call CONSTANTLY to the point where it's oppressing or seem needy like you'd go out with anyone, it'd be a turn-off. But if you're coming from a healthy place, you should be fine. THIS!!!! If she is really interested she wont care if you text her the next day....just dont send her 50 texts a day....I use to worry about this "is it too soon bs" and I finally realized it doesnt matter, if they are interested I'm not going to scare them off
phineas Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I think girls like direct but not clingy. And, of course, it depends on if she likes you or had sincere intent to date you period (some girls just want attention; it happens). But I've never heard of a girl losing interest in guy because he called too soon or asked her out too directly. (Maybe expressing she never had any interest, sure. But at least you know.) That said, if you call CONSTANTLY to the point where it's oppressing or seem needy like you'd go out with anyone, it'd be a turn-off. But if you're coming from a healthy place, you should be fine. Yep! If a woman acts like she is interested then *poofs* or tries to friendzone you when you weren't clingy & escalated the romance by 3rd or 4th date she most likely was just an attention whore & really wasn't interested. I personally ask them out for a certain date. Anything but a yes results in me telling them to let me know when [insert their lame excuse here] is no longer an obstacle & pretty much forget about them. If they say yes I will txt them to let them know I am on my way to meet them. If they txt or call before that just to "chat" I keep it to a minimum & end it by picking a random chore or project on my house that i'm doing. Basically they don't get my attention unless their in front of me. It works. Attention whores loose interest when they realize they have to put in effort.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I personally ask them out for a certain date. Anything but a yes results in me telling them to let me know when [insert their lame excuse here] is no longer an obstacle & pretty much forget about them. Well, the certain date thing is fine, though there are plenty of not-yes's there that wouldn't be a blow off. However, if it's NOT a blow-off it will be a specific, "I can't meet you Thursday because I have a friend's birthday, but I'm free all weekend" or whatever sort of deal. She WILL offer the next potential time and probably tell you WHY she can't meet Thursday or whatever. Sometimes, for whatever reason, a specific date doesn't work; people do have lives! I'm not sure if I like your whole philosophy (no attention at all between dates) as it seems very closed off to me. Though between early dates, I usually don't chat with the fellow a lot because I've got **** to do and he's just not that important to me yet; we're still getting to know each other. (Usually a text the day before a date is nice, just as a reminder for both people.) So, if THAT's what you mean, I totally get it. But you made it sound like some game or system. Dating really isn't difficult, though, if you remain true to yourself and know what you're looking for and what you have to offer.
missguided219 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I think it really depends on the girl. For example, I'm a girl and I like when a guy doesn't feel the need to play games and not text you or whatever. Within reason, obviously, I like when a guy comes on quite strong because it makes me know that he likes me. As I'm quite shy, I'd find it extremely hard to make the first move, so it's nice when the guy does it. In regards to whether or not you think they're interested, they probably just don't want to appear too desparate, so try and play it cool. Hope that helps
chphan Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Was thinking on how to approach a girl from a facebook angle but didn't know how. I felt wrong doing it like stalking wrong and desparate so I haven't done it at all. Gonna take your advice luvyourlife. See if I get any response at all unless it's a dead account or inactive account. Didn't want to do it face to face yet till I know there's some interest.
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