Moving on after divorce

[comingover]

I'm not technically divorced yet, been separated 6 months and we now live in seperate cities, there is absolutely no contact and no-chance of reconciliation. Very brief back story, I'm 26 now, we met when I was 18, he was my first love, we were passionately and insanely in love and we was my best friend in the whole word, married at 23, broke up very suddenly 6 months ago because we are very young and have very different goals and expectations and neither one of us wanted to compromise and give up our goals for the future. Break up was mutual but there was a lot of hard feelings as it came very suddenly because we thought we would be together forever. We ignored all the reasons why we wouldn't work because we were so in love, but deep down inside I think we both knew we weren't meant for each other, but we thought we loved each other enough to make it work. We were young and naive.

 

Now the problem, even though it was mutual I feel extremely confused as I thought I had my future planned out and now everything is different. I get that and I am trying to adjust and paint a new picture. Now I'm not sure if it's because I'm not over the divorce or because I'm simply not ready but I am TERRIFIED to let someone into my life again. I've dated a bit since the break up and with every single guy I go out on a few dates and then as soon as it starts to get even remotely serious I break it off immediately. I haven't gone on more than 4 dates with the same guy since my Ex. I'm in absolutely no rush to get into another relationship and I don't want a relationship, but I'm scared that I don't want another relationship simply because I am scared to love again/scared to get hurt again.

 

The reason for this post is mainly to vent but also to hopefully get some outside perspective. I know it's hard to say since you don't know my situation in depth but:

 

Am I just not ready to date? Is it too soon and this is completely natural? Am I just scared of commitment since I was hurt so bady? How do I get past this and learn to love again?

 

Anything you can say as advice/inspiration would be great because I have already broken it off with guys that were really sweet and nice and did absolutely nothing wrong.

 

Cheers.

[D-Lish]

Nope- you're not ready to date. Not that it's not okay to date- but the aftermath of being with someone for so long takes some time to process.

 

I met my exH when I was 25- and we signed the divorce papers when I was 34. I took a long time to get my ducks in a row when it came to love. I'm still not there at the age of 41, lol. Having said that, I have been able to find love (and lose it again) since then.

 

It takes time- you have a lot to process.. You were together 8 years? You've got some processing and further grieving to push through.

 

Don't deny yourself fun though- keep dating and use it as a social outlet...

[BrettLost]

Im sorry for your loss, it was absolutely a long relationship.

 

You are still young though, 26 is better than 36. U should thank the gods that you did not have children with this man. The fact u dont, means that there are no physical ties to him at all now.

 

You've gone on dates, thats terrific. At least ur feeling it out. Im pretty sure after a few u might have a break, but then give it a go again. Im yet to tread those waters.

 

It's a shame u have let some nice guys go, but if u arent there, u arent there. All the best qualities in the world wont help if ur not into it. They say time heals, i too question how much is needed. I've been split a year and am still lost... day at a time thing.

 

Extremely hard to let go of what it was that u had forseen as ur future, and try to rebuild a new one with different pieces to a new puzzle.

 

Again, much more stress involved with kids and family... But by no means does that mean u are any less confused about what to do than the rest of us. Plenty of people here willing to help in any way.

 

All the best moving forward. Brett.