ConfusedT Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Up & Down, up & down. man i am going through some serious freakin emotions. i didnt think i would make 24 hours HONESTLY, i dont know how people just turn off their emotions! one second i feel strong, the next weak. he is with his new girlfriend (his x) & he is all ****s & giggles while i am sitting here breakin down. good god, what is wrong with me? he even told someone that i deserved everything that was happening because i DECIDED to mess with someone who wasn't good enough for me!! really? sighs.. but i am standing strong, somehow, even with ALL of the things that have went wrong everyday i get just a little bit stronger! let me know ur progress =)
Nohbody Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Good job! Keep it up. There is nothing wrong with you, it only feels like it. Your emotions are going to cycle wildly for a while between shock and disbelief, anger, some form of acceptance and resignation, and then back again. Time will slow it down and ratchet down the intensity. For now, hold fast. You're doing well.
aussie_bloke Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 G'day Confused, I'm on the same rollercoaster emotional ride as you and its also day 3 NC for me. Seems like it has been 3 years. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling like this, its normal and believe me if he can move on like he has he is either a) pushing away feelings and actually dealing things which is going to come back and bite him in the @$$ bigtime, or b) he was really never that into you. I know that sounds harsh but either way it's out of your control and I know as much as you care about him you wouldn't really want to be with someone who wasn't in it as much as you are. I think you are doing great. I find it helpful to think that its better it happened now then further down the track and you are not alone. I'm on the ride too so feel free to chat about whatever you feel you need to:D Best of luck for day 4!
Author ConfusedT Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks guys (ladies)! The emotional turmoil is insane. I've never had to do this NC thing before so it is really, really difficult. I think you are right though, but I am not sure which way it is either. I hope he loved me and is doing this because of that, but in all honesty- does it really matter at this point? I would absolutely LOVE if the NC thing made him realize he messed up, decided to change his entire life and begged me back (fairytales!), but in reality, I need to be concerned with healing myself from all the pain and suffering that i went through during the breakup and even during the relationship! Congrats on your day 3 too! I dont have any urges to text or call per se, i just miss him A LOT. I inherently know there is nothing wrong with me, but it sure as HELL feels that way while im sobbing and he's just doing dandy, but hey pressure makes diamonds!!!
aussie_bloke Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Congrats on your day 3 too! I dont have any urges to text or call per se, i just miss him A LOT. I inherently know there is nothing wrong with me, but it sure as HELL feels that way while im sobbing and he's just doing dandy, but hey pressure makes diamonds!!! Hey confused, I was talking to someone about this yesterday and they rightly said its not really right to assume they are doing 'dandy'. They are probably doing it tough on the inside aswell and if they're in denial for now then its bound to catch up with them shortly, but we should try not to think about how and what they're doing as its not our concern now. I have the urge to text/call/see the ex today, I don't really know why I just miss her and would love to see her but I know that as soon as I did things would be even worse. I'm impressed with how well you are doing, its okay to let yourself be sad and hurt and doing that makes you stronger. Keep your chin up! Aussie
antinko Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Yep, it sucks, but hang on in there. If you want a good laugh, read my journal! (man I feel like I'm plugging this thing as if i was trying to publish it...)
california15 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Hey I felt compelled to post because I've been there and people I hardly knew on LS reached out to me and made all the difference in the world. I'm sorry your hurting. My ex is also with his new girl all happy and its hard not to compare yourself/moving on process to theirs. Its like WTF sometimes. This happened for a reason and you're better off for it. Just let yourself feel all the emotions. Don't rush it and be patient with yourself. Stick with the NC to heal, and do what you have to do to get better. Don't care what others think/say. This is about you. You're your own priority now. Use this time to try new things, discover yourself, and focus on what is important to you. From personal experience, The faster you reach acceptance, the easier things will be because that false hope won't be holding you back. The emotions will come and go (I still have them, almost 3 months out). Hang in there
Author ConfusedT Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 i just posted again, it's day 5. ugh. aussie: im far more of an external person (?) as far as showing/communicating my emotions, so even if he felt that way. i'd have NO IDEA in the first place. in all honesty, if someone could just walk away, did they really care that much in the first place? =( antiko: im going to go read it!! maybe i should journal. it'd just be blah blah blah, crying... all day! having a smile on my face, so you don't see the tears in my eyes... california: thank you! it feels like the emotions are taking control of me. i know it hasn't been that long (month), but this has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster month and it is proving to be way harder than i initially thought!! im so waiting for acceptance, bc whatever state im in, i want to get out of immediately! =/
NursingGirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 When my marriage broke up, I would go to work and paste a smile on my face and as soon as I would get in the car at the end of the shift (thank God it was dark) I would start crying. Gosh it was awful. What I eventually did was move out of town (he had a fiance before our divorce was final) so I wouldn't be constantly reminded and so I wouldn't shoot her in the head in the middle of the night in MY house in MY bed. lol Ok, well, no, I never really thought about doing that but it was awful to think about her in my house and my bed with my husband. So much easier to heal with new surroundings. It took me a good two years with the time between really difficult moments stretching out further each time. I still cried about it during the first two years and I still think about it to this day (3 years ago now). It gets much easier. Trust me, much easier. And you WILL fall in love again!
aussie_bloke Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 in all honesty, if someone could just walk away, did they really care that much in the first place? =( im so waiting for acceptance, bc whatever state im in, i want to get out of immediately! =/ Hey confused, I think they did care in the first place but peoples feelings can change along the way. I really don't understand how this happens without waving big red flags along the way...maybe they're good at hiding it, or maybe our feelings of happiness blind us from seeing them. Just remember you were both in love, you did have good times together. Things are different now but everything wasn't a waste of time if you know what I mean, regardless of how things have turned out. I get the emotional rollercoaster stuff. Worst bit is I don't think acceptance comes without a fair amount of time. All the rational thinking in the world can't stop the emotions. I find I can understand why things are like this and what I have to do but this means bugger all when my heart is breaking, I miss her and want to hear from her. Do you know what I mean? Anyway how are you doing today? Any change on your thoughts/feelings? Hope you have a distracting day. Aussie
Author ConfusedT Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 yesterday was mostly miserable. today is a work day, so i have to appear happy and content, but am i HELL NO. im just as sad. im looking forward to going home and lying in my bed. i can just feel today is going to be a rough day. its almost been a week and NOTHING from him. it hurts SOOOOO much to know that he left me for someone he promised he wanted nothing to do with and he told me i was the first woman he loved. =( but reminiscing gives me nothing but tears and saddness. today is ehhh, hopefully after tomorrow will be better since it will be my one week mark? its just INSANE to me that after everything he did and said, i still miss him- insane, i should be furious, except im really not... =( how are you today aussie?
Lost on Jerseyshore Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Hi, Confused I hope your making it through the day at work a little bit better. Its been a hard 1 for me too but a bit better then yesterday. Today at least the sun is shining!! I want him to know how much I am devasted but I guess in the long run it doesnt really matter. Keep busy at work and hang in there every moment that passes by is a moment closer to happiness....
aussie_bloke Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Hey confused, I think I am actually getting worse haha! The first couple of days were okay, I was kind of glad to get a break from all the back and forward unknowing loop, but now that seems to have passed and I just miss her like hell. I really wanna give her a call and see what she is upto. I think the only thing stopping me is the fact that she hasn't bothered to call me so obviously nothing has changed. Also I am pretty certain the relief talking to her would be momentary and I would be back to feeling like crap in no time, and starting back at day 1 is not something I wanna do! I know it sucks putting on the brave face for work, but you are doing well. Are you getting out of the house and trying to hang out with mates? I also know what you mean that you should hate him, but your emotions are different... I know if I could feel how I think/know I should then I would be well past this...but I can't...YET;) Hope today went a bit better for you! Aussie yesterday was mostly miserable. today is a work day, so i have to appear happy and content, but am i HELL NO. im just as sad. im looking forward to going home and lying in my bed. i can just feel today is going to be a rough day. its almost been a week and NOTHING from him. it hurts SOOOOO much to know that he left me for someone he promised he wanted nothing to do with and he told me i was the first woman he loved. =( but reminiscing gives me nothing but tears and saddness. today is ehhh, hopefully after tomorrow will be better since it will be my one week mark? its just INSANE to me that after everything he did and said, i still miss him- insane, i should be furious, except im really not... =( how are you today aussie?
Rinas Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Hey ConfusedT, hang in there, you seem to be keeping it together as well as you can and it's a great start! 5 days to a week may not seem like much right now, but you're doing great. Many people have trouble just doing 1 day of NC. Just keep yourself distracted, I understand that it must be difficult to go into work with a plastered smile on your face, but just keep pushing through. As another poster said, don't compare yourself or your relationship to this new girl. What you had is completely different, every relationship has different dynamics and is entirely different than the other. It doesn't mean that what you and him had was any less par. Don't look down on yourself! He may look back and see that what you had mean't more to him, however you can't be stuck thinking about him coming back. You just need to focus on moving on for yourself. You'll be okay!
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