Woggle Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I said in the other thread that my wife and my friend's girlfriend make such good partners in large part because they get men and can relate to us. They know what makes men tick and not just stereotypes and preconceived notions. How well do you get people of the opposite sex? Do you understand the complexities and inner workings that go beyond the stereotypes?
zengirl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I don't think many people in my age group actually even have really strong ideas of gender stereotypes. Some, I guess, like "men shouldn't wear dresses" or the ever-popular "men don't like commitment" but we were still taught people are individuals. I have male friends, so I can view a man as a person, if that's the question. I think having opposite-gender friends is key to this.
FinOuch Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It really depends on the men. Some men yes, some men no. There's a whole variety of personalities out there...
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Some men I connect with like nothing else, others are alien-like. I have difficulty connecting with highly emotional/sensitive men AND women.
proactivedreamer Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Um...to be honest I don't think I truly understand men, even though I do try. I try to see men as individuals as well, but I find myself making generalizations about what men are like. I wish someone would teach, or help me understand what most men may want out of a relationship. I just want to know how to be with one because, frankly, I am clueless.
allina Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think I relate to men well IRL, however there are men on LS that I don't get or respect much. In college I shared a house with 3 male roomates for 5 years which I think helped me and benefitted my marriage. I also have close male friends and like most of my husband's friends.
Cypress25 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 They know what makes men tick and not just stereotypes and preconceived notions. Obviously they don't know what makes ALL men tick, otherwise they would have to rely on stereotypes and preconceived notions. Since each man is a unique individual, they can't apply their knowledge of men in general to each man they meet. Really, your question is flawed. You're basically asking if we can appreciate the individuality of each man while understanding how all men think. But if all men think the same, then the stereotypes and preconceived notions must be accurate.
snug.bunny Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Men have penis. I don't. It's hard to relate.
threebyfate Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think I relate to men well IRL, however there are men on LS that I don't get or respect much. In college I shared a house with 3 male roomates for 5 years which I think helped me and benefitted my marriage. I also have close male friends and like most of my husband's friends.Yes, pretty much this. I don't understand many of the current batch of men on LS. They're primarily highly emotional and sensitive types who don't have a strong sense of self and look to self-empower at the expense of others. What might help them is to realize that they too can self-empower from within, by continually layering small victories and accomplishments, instead of either shooting for the moon with every try, then getting shot down hence becoming cynical and bitter, or not even trying at all and wallowing in cynicism and bitterness. The nice guy, short guy, females are bitches, women love jerks, women love money, feminism is the archenemy of the male world, etc. threads pretty much cover a large portion of their stereotypical beliefs, where individuation would help them greatly.
Cypress25 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Men have penis. I don't. It's hard to relate. Seriously. It must be annoying to have something hanging between your legs all the time. Although women have to deal with bra straps and tampons, so I guess it evens out.
snug.bunny Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Seriously. It must be annoying to have something hanging between your legs all the time. Although women have to deal with bra straps and tampons, so I guess it evens out. Indeed. Sweaty knackers mustn't be pleasant either.
sally4sara Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I get along with most people I meet and if there is an ease of association with someone its more likely to be a woman than a man. This makes sense to me because the men I don't relate well to are the ones who always seem to be in competition with women. Competition in general social situations is always going to get stupid. This is pretty common on here with the amount of which gender is better at (whatever) which is worse with (whatever) themes. I prefer people who are not always looking for someone's neck under their heel as a way to elevate themselves.
serial muse Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Most of my close friends have been women most of my life...to be honest, I think it's because it's less fraught. I've had good guy friends who, it turned out, were actually interested, and it's just messy. So I suppose I have, in general, felt more trusting that my friendships with women were just that...friendship, nothing more. It's a lot less complicated. That said, I have plenty of guy friends nowadays, and I think it's because I'm at an age when most people I know are in relationships, so to be honest, that makes everything easier too. Nobody's on the prowl. I'm not much of a flirt, by choice and by temperament, so I LOVE when nobody's on the prowl and everyone's just hanging out. With that out of the way, I get along great with the guys in my social circle and with my colleagues who are men. We have lots in common, in terms of interests and worldviews, and plenty to talk about. It's such a relief when you don't have to worry about hurting someone's feelings. Edited August 12, 2011 by serial muse
Cee Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 That's a really good question. And after giving it some thought, I have a great deal of empathy for all people. I guess I'm a bleeding heart liberal and see the good in all people. No, no, no, that statement is a lie. In theory, I like all people. But in reality, I don't care for most people. I don't understand men. Nor do I understand women either. I prefer to retreat in my cocoon of solitude rather than deal deeply with any humans at all. My biggest defense mechanism for my misanthropy is to be pleasant and smiley. I don't think I'm intentionally lying to people. I simply want to be well enough alone. (P.S. I had a horrible day at work today )
Lil1 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 (P.S. I had a horrible day at work today ) Cee I'm sorry you had a bad day at work, I hope your Friday night makes up for it! ------------------------------- Woggle, I would consider myself pretty keen on the opposite sex. Although I do have to remind myself from time to time that men simplify things in their heads whereas women tend to overanalyze or overthink things sometimes. I have many male friends as well as female friends that all get along great with eachother. Most of my friends tend to be very easy going down to earth kind of people though so it's pretty easy to 'get' each other. I think one important key to understanding someone else is to first and foremost understand yourself.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Yes, pretty much this. I don't understand many of the current batch of men on LS. They're primarily highly emotional and sensitive types who don't have a strong sense of self and look to self-empower at the expense of others. What might help them is to realize that they too can self-empower from within, by continually layering small victories and accomplishments, instead of either shooting for the moon with every try, then getting shot down hence becoming cynical and bitter, or not even trying at all and wallowing in cynicism and bitterness. The nice guy, short guy, females are bitches, women love jerks, women love money, feminism is the archenemy of the male world, etc. threads pretty much cover a large portion of their stereotypical beliefs, where individuation would help them greatly. I kind of think all those guys are just like 3 guys posting under different names. Anyway, there are still tons of awesome male posters here. Nexus, Carhill, Easy Heart, Sanman, Art Critic . . .just to name a few I often learn things from. And there are loads more, but a lot of them have numbers in their names or avatars that are more memorable than their names and it messes me up. Even Woggle doesn't seem like a bad guy when he's not word-vomiting up gender issues. (And he's gotten loads better! I think he's one of the most improved posters in the past year, really.) It's just a few loud guys making LS guys look bad, IMO. ] In theory, I like all people. But in reality, I don't care for most people. Aw, Cee, you're one of the nicest misanthropes around if you are one (which I doubt). Anyway, sadly, I sometimes agree with the above comment. Though sometimes I really do like everyone. The sad truth is so much of what we experience with other people has as much to do with ourselves as who they are. Sometimes I think most of our experiences mirror our internal life in some way. But I haven't settled on whether that's actually sound or not.
threebyfate Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I kind of think all those guys are just like 3 guys posting under different names.Do you know this for fact? Anyway, there are still tons of awesome male posters here. Nexus, Carhill, Easy Heart, Sanman, Art Critic . . .just to name a few I often learn things from. And there are loads more, but a lot of them have numbers in their names or avatars that are more memorable than their names and it messes me up.The two bolded are old timers on LS. The balance I've barely interacted with except for Nexus but I'm guessing he's also someone reborn at least once if not a few times.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Do you know this for fact? No, and I was in fact joking about the "3 posters" thing. I do stand by the fact that most of the guys I see on here who post substantial posts regularly don't seem like horrible guys to me, and some even seem pretty cool. Your mileage may vary. There are a few loud, whiny guys who make up the echo chamber, but any echo chamber is going to suck.
somedude81 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I don't understand women at all. Nothing they do makes sense. I wish I knew what women want. But half the time it seems that women don't even know what they want. Saying one thing then doing the complete opposite.
sm1tten Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I tend to have more male friends than female friends, and I think that I understand them better when they're my friends. But once I start DATING them it's like they become a totally different species. In theory, I like all people. But in reality, I don't care for most people. This is me. Cee, I also had a ****ty day at work. I'm coping with beer.
Nexus One Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) The balance I've barely interacted with except for Nexus but I'm guessing he's also someone reborn at least once if not a few times. You couldn't be more wrong there. That being said I have no personal grudge against you, although I got a weird vibe from you in another thread. I actually don't know why I hang around on LS. Posting on a love forum is so not a thing for me to do. I found LS in January after something in me sparked the desire to find the right partner for life. I then stumbled upon LS and it stuck to me in relation to the aforementioned reason. I really am not a re-spawned member or anyone with an agenda or someone with grievances towards other members, hence perhaps the appeal of some of my posts. I am/was the kind of guy that couldn't stand watching romantic movies, yet since I've joined LS I have watched several...with attention and interest. Visiting a love forum wasn't even something that would cross my mind, yet here I am, for some reason. Edited August 13, 2011 by Nexus One
threebyfate Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 You couldn't be more wrong there. That being said I have no personal grudge against you, although I got a weird vibe from you in another thread. I actually don't know why I hang around on LS. Posting on a love forum is so not a thing for me to do. I found LS in January after something in me sparked the desire to find the right partner for life. I then stumbled upon LS and it stuck to me for the aforementioned reason. I really am not a re-spawned member or anyone with an agenda or someone with grievances towards other members, hence perhaps the appeal of some of my posts. I am/was the kind of guy that couldn't stand watching romantic movies, yet since I've joined LS I have watched several...with attention and interest. Visiting a love forum wasn't even something that would cross my mind, yet here I am, for some reason.If you're not a reinvented previous member, then accept my apologies. As previously stated, not only italicized but bolded, that I was "guessing" you were one. This place has more sock puppets than real people behind each monitor.
Cee Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Aw, Cee, you're one of the nicest misanthropes around if you are one (which I doubt). So many posters said nice things to me in this thread. Thank you. Now that I've calmed down, posted a thread on Love Shack, and had a long talk with my boyfriend, I'll amend my comment. I will never understand men, nor do I ever hope to. But I aspire to learn more about men every day. I don't know if I really get along with them, but some do seem to like my company. Many of them are fascinating, intricately intelligent, and sexy creatures, especially the one I'm seeing later tonight. Hope this thread continues. I peek in on it in the morning.
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 You couldn't be more wrong there. That being said I have no personal grudge against you, although I got a weird vibe from you in another thread. I actually don't know why I hang around on LS. Posting on a love forum is so not a thing for me to do. I found LS in January after something in me sparked the desire to find the right partner for life. I then stumbled upon LS and it stuck to me in relation to the aforementioned reason. I really am not a re-spawned member or anyone with an agenda or someone with grievances towards other members, hence perhaps the appeal of some of my posts. I am/was the kind of guy that couldn't stand watching romantic movies, yet since I've joined LS I have watched several...with attention and interest. Visiting a love forum wasn't even something that would cross my mind, yet here I am, for some reason. Way to broaden your horizons! This totally fits my view of you (the whole how you found LS, not digging RCs before, etc), which amuses me. I think particularly you add a lot when discussing male psychology, as I can usually understand what you're saying and see it in my male friends (and fellas) but you obviously say it better than I do. And honestly, LS is an AWESOME chance for those who actually have trouble understanding the other gender or specific actions by someone of the other gender to consider, examine, and get feedback on how gender (and gender socialization mostly) plays into the dynamic. Not that it's always used to great effect for this, but I certainly see examples of that plenty of the time. Then you also see the posters who get themselves banned twice a day, but they eventually wander off.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I'd say I understand them pretty well but at the same time I am no expert! It took me a long time to figure it out though, with my dad and brother I had to tell them "I need you to spend time with me and make an effort", my mom just knew if I needed something from her be it a hug or support. In a lot of ways men and women are hardwired different (fact, brain makeup is different) women's emotional receptors are bigger and sometimes I think people forget that guys don't think exactly like girls do. After taking a ton of pysch classes and having guy friends I learned a lot about situations that I over thought. To this day though I still am confused by my brother he just is hardwired WRONG!! lol:laugh:
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