Disney_girl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Hi, I'm new to this forum and this is my first post online about my relationship. I would like some advice and an honest opinion would greatly be appreciated. I will try to relay the situation as unbiased as possible. Me and my boyfriend started dating when I just turned 20 and he was 21, I am now 24. I knew right away that he is very special and I would want to be with him forever. This relationship was a first serious one for both of us. It's now been 4 years and most of them were happy times, however there were hardships. We went through an abortion after I got pregnant when my IUD failed and I know some people are against it, but it was our decision. He was very supportive and always there for me. We lived with his parents for a while because I lived rather far from him. His parents are also wonderful people. I know sounds great but I would want to point out the good so that it's understandable that I really do cherish what I have before I get to the issues. He's very smart and provides for us well financially (I'm still in post grad; he works), so after year living with his parents we moved out on our own. About a year ago we moved back because his mom got cancer. It was a very difficult time for everyone and it took a toll on our relationship. She was selling the house and wanted to make renovations and it was mostly done by three of us (me, his sister and him). We were basically hermits for months working on the house with our weekends gone. I'm full time in school for health sciences and they have full time jobs so it was hard for everyone. I feel that in that year he's parents grew used to so much help. He works a lot at his job as is but now they ask for help with the family business and I feel like he works 24/7 (literally he comes home and works usually till midnight). He told me he realizes this but it will take time for them to go back to being more independent. He dad always makes jokes about him helping that its all in the family but my boyfriend doesn't get anything from the family business, and we have our own mortgage to pay. We have once again moved out but I feel like the toll of the year has made me feel not like a 24 year old but 45 year old. Our sex life took a big hit and I feel like he's become very selfish in this department. I believe that we are both very attractive people and shouldn't be having issues with this. Especially since we are so young. To put it bluntly, he doesn't seem interested in putting in effort to turn me on. We had a big argument about it last night and he said we both stopped trying and the reason he doesn't try is because he's always tired. I'm not sure what to do, I mean I want thing to go back to the way they were but as of late I feel like its deteriorating. I feel like I have a lot of built up frustration as Im sure does he. I'm frustrated that with his parents that I feel like they wont let him go and build his own family. Please don't misunderstand I do love them and I think they are great parents and people but I want my OWN family, as in an independent family unit. He's dad stays over a lot but our apartment is rather small (600 sq feet) and even thought I'm happy to see him, I have pet peeves of what he does. For example he leaves butter knifes anywhere with butter on them. Or he be eating with his hands and has no problem just touching things after and leaving greasy spots on furniture. I feel BAD for being annoyed but I'm still annoyed. I feel like my boyfriend has hard time mentioning what bothers me to his dad and I do not feel like its my place to do so. Me and my parents have a different relationship where I feel okay saying something that bothers me and vice versa and I try to understand that his family is different yet this small things add up. I really do want to be happier with him as I once was, but lately the more he works the snappier he gets, at random thing, like me sneezing too loud. I understand he loves me and he tells me that I'm the girl of his dreams and I never feel like I'm unloved but I want more of him. I want him to make me feel desirable. I just don't feel that anymore, even though he reassures me that its still so he's just very tired. I do believe him but I feel like our relationship is slowly coming apart at the seams and what's holding it together is our love but I want it to be strong and solid in all aspects. What can I do? I feel like I met my soul mate so young and I just dont know how to handle these types of issues.
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