mel1001 Posted April 30, 2004 Posted April 30, 2004 I really need help. My ex fiance and I had lived together for a year. We loved eachother so much and we had a lot a great times. He left me 2 months ago saying that he just wasn't happy because he felt like he couldn't make me happy because i was mad at him all the time and it made him feel like a terrible person. I honostly didn't know that I was mad at him all the time. Apparently he started seeing this girl who he used to work with but whom he hasn't seen in 6 years. Plus although her parents live in our town she lives half way across the country in New York, although he said she is going to move here. He still tells me that he "loves me more than anything in the world" that "I mean everything to him" that he started to see her because he was so"confused" but he won't stop seeing her because he says he cares about her and he is having fun and he is happy. He says he can't see me because it kills him it hurts so much. Then to top it all off I found out I am pregnant which has him all freaked out. And he says she is trying to be there for him. He however can't be there for me right now because it's "just too hard" So I am lonely and sick and I love this man with all my heart.. Trying to make him see this just pushes him away. He still says how he loves me and misses me and I think about him 24-7 until I think I am losing my mind. Please help
SadHatter Posted April 30, 2004 Posted April 30, 2004 Well... I am so sorry for what you've been through, I really wish that I could make you feel better, but I honestly don't think anything I say will cheer you up. Quite simply, I think you need to get rid of this guy...I am going through a VERY painful breakup at the moment and I have blocked all contact with my ex, which is extremely hard, but sometimes it is for the best. The problem for you is obviously that you're pregnant, but I don't think it is even as easy as setting your ex-bf an ultimatum of you or her, because even if he chose you, for all you know he could carry on seeing her behind your back. I really think you should tell him where to go and then from there on in it is up to you and how you feel with regards to the baby. However, if you do decide to keep the baby, don't let him get away with sherking his responsibilities, i.e. money etc. Far too many men get away with that for my liking. STAY POSITIVE AND DON'T LET ANYONE MESS YOU AROUND, THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR HEART AND YOU WILL FIND THEM I PROMISE!!
Author mel1001 Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 I think he might be moving in with this girl already. I don't know how I can go on. Please can someone talk to me?
SadHatter Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 What's your MSN Messenger address? Lemme chat to you...
judy Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I had very similar experience a month ago. This guy I dated 2 years and we had a son 1 year old now. I was pregnant 5 months a month ago, and he started to see another woman in his work. OF course he was not happy with me, because I was busy with the 1 year old plus pregnant, could not give him any attention. However, he still says he loves me beyond I understand, but he was very angry and very mad. He forced me to do abortion and I moved out with the baby one day after abortion. The woman he dated moved into him a week later. I felt so betrayed and so heartbroken and so sick and don't know what to do. Plus Have to take care of 1 year old. I hated him meantime kind of wish he broke up with that woman and came back. However, now I wonder why I need him any more, he treated me like dog **** and I don't need him anymore in my life. The thing I don't understand here is why he still says he loves me and misses me. Is he a jerk? need several woman to remember him? I still feel hurt and still healing. I don't know what to do everyday and don't know how to start a new life with a kid. Please help me, too. Judy
Author mel1001 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Posted May 20, 2004 I am sorry that anyone has to go through this. I honostly don't know what to say. life can be really cruel. I just don't know.
Author mel1001 Posted May 20, 2004 Author Posted May 20, 2004 how can a guy tell you he loves you more than life, and cry REAL tears when you see eachother but at the same time be making plans to live with another girl?
judy Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I don't know, I got really confused. I had my 5-month preganancy aborted and the next day moved out with a baby. We fouht for 3 weeks to finally have him sign agreement for child support. He lied to me a lot about this new woman, I found out by sneaking into his place and found out she lived there the next week I moved out. Then at the day when we were in court filing those paper, he huged me and kissed my mouth and said he loves me and I will always the best. He said nobody will ever give him the same passion we had before. IS he hinting that woman was not that hot? I dont know. ANd asked for reconciliation. I said no. And then right in the middle of the hug, he lied to me again that that woman is just an intern not making that much money. Probably wants my mercy on their financial situation. What kind of a man he is? I got really conffused. But after break up, i had sleepless nights, I lost my appetize, and I basically wondered around , just by instinct to take care of the baby. I was not myuself any more. is that mean I still love him? I don't know. I think I should hate him. judy
Velveteel Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 This is an awful situation. If you are pregnant, his feelings about you do not affect your right to financial support. Don't make a "generous" decision that will rob you and your child of much-needed security. Make clear to him that you will pursue child support, whether he's with you or not. If you don't want this child, of course, that's another matter. But as to how he is treating you, it's clear (at least to a stranger) that he's conflicted. Of course he still loves you! Of course he feels guilty for being more attracted to this new woman. But that is what his actions are telling you. He wants her more. Maybe he will always have tender feelings for you, but continuing to love him with all your heart when he is pursuing a life with someone else will only destroy your self-esteem and your peace of mind. I think you should move on. Perhaps he will become a good father to your child, and you'll have friendly dealings for the rest of your lives. Look at what is possible here, and not at what is impossible--a return to the way things were.
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