LoveandSuch Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Hi Loveshack, My LD love and I were to meet soon. I have been mulling over and over the wrongs of the relationship, and not allowing oblivious to win over when it came down to my final decision. I broke it off, and wished us to be friends, I thought possible because of his life and serious relationships always being open relationships. My speaking, his silence was deafening. He was not talking, and he just said I have to go and that was it. I knew if we were to meet again, we would share intimacy, beyond the heavy intimacy, we have done all imaginable, except intercourse. I knew if we shared that, I would fall completely under his spell and fall in love with him, and not just deep infatuation and loving him. I know this would cause too many troubles my way. I think I hurt him and that is the last thing I wanted to do. He has so much pain and troubles behind his smile and outside fascade. He shared all with me. I was okay with loving him, but frightened of falling in love and the complications that were sure to ensue. I am now alone and I miss him terribly. Should I just work on myself, work on becoming more open and less jaded? I was at work the other day, and had this dreadful feeling overwhelm me all day, that I would never know anyone like him again, the men I crossed all day so small compared to him, so aghhhhhh, I hate even thinking about it. I have always put others well being in front of my happiness. This is okay, but the foot prints left behind are beginning to haunt me. I felt as if I died many years ago, after some loss in my life, and am now beginning to feel as if I am ready to take a huge breath of life, and live, instead of just being, just letting things play out with no initiative or care. I did this and still do because of my feelings that I have been dead for so long and not caring much for much accept for my debt and responsibility to others, the common denominators of life.
Nexus One Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Part of love is exposing yourself to the risk of getting hurt. I knew if we were to meet again, we would share intimacy, beyond the heavy intimacy, we have done all imaginable, except intercourse. I knew if we shared that, I would fall completely under his spell and fall in love with him, and not just deep infatuation and loving him. You seem to be avoiding what many people are looking for. I know what you mean though, it means exposing yourself to getting hurt in a major way. I know this would cause too many troubles my way. but frightened of falling in love and the complications that were sure to ensue. What troubles and complications are you referring to? The fear that you become so attached that you're exposed to hurt? This is okay, but the foot prints left behind are beginning to haunt me. I felt as if I died many years ago, after some loss in my life, and am now beginning to feel as if I am ready to take a huge breath of life, and live, instead of just being, just letting things play out with no initiative or care. I did this and still do because of my feelings that I have been dead for so long and not caring much for much accept for my debt and responsibility to others, the common denominators of life. Just because you're alive, doesn't mean you're living. I think that sums it up. I'm wondering about the following things you said though: I have been mulling over and over the wrongs of the relationship What wrongs are you referring to? I broke it off, and wished us to be friends, I thought possible because of his life and serious relationships always being open relationships. Did he intend to have an open relationship with you?
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I'm sorry to hear it LoveandSuch. Though I know exactly how you feel (if you remember from my other post). When it happened to me, after a looooong year of heartache, I got to realize that there might have been a reason to it, and the reason is that my heart needed to be broken in order to be rebuild in a better way. Not sure how much comfort you will find in it, probably not much, but know that despite the strong feelings that you have, it just wasn't meant to be. Give it time, a lot of time, and you will eventually stop comparing other men to him; In the meanwhile, you should work on yourself, that's a great idea! Find a hobby too, just try and fill this huge vacuum you got inside of you right now with activities. Sports might be a good start. P.S. If my intuition about you is right, than you will bounce out of it in no time!
Author LoveandSuch Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 "Just because you're alive, doesn't mean you're living. I think that sums it up." I like this, very true. It is how I have been existing for quite some time.
Author LoveandSuch Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I'm sorry to hear it LoveandSuch. Though I know exactly how you feel (if you remember from my other post). When it happened to me, after a looooong year of heartache, I got to realize that there might have been a reason to it, and the reason is that my heart needed to be broken in order to be rebuild in a better way. Not sure how much comfort you will find in it, probably not much, but know that despite the strong feelings that you have, it just wasn't meant to be. Give it time, a lot of time, and you will eventually stop comparing other men to him; In the meanwhile, you should work on yourself, that's a great idea! Find a hobby too, just try and fill this huge vacuum you got inside of you right now with activities. Sports might be a good start. P.S. If my intuition about you is right, than you will bounce out of it in no time! My bouncing as of late has been forcibly painful. Faking it, allows me to remain private, do not want sympathy nor attention from acquaintances. He was a gorgeous, "hobby," , beautiful spirit in and out, that after our last communication, I blocked every aspect of communication lines between us. The only way. Thanks Professor x, I just might bounce back although the doubts are all too familiar and haunting.
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My bouncing as of late has been forcibly painful. Faking it, allows me to remain private, do not want sympathy nor attention from acquaintances. He was a gorgeous, "hobby," , beautiful spirit in and out, that after our last communication, I blocked every aspect of communication lines between us. The only way. Thanks Professor x, I just might bounce back although the doubts are all too familiar and haunting. I know exactly how you feel.. I've been there. Kinda hard to see a future that makes sense right now, everything might seem to you so... dark. But the more time you give yourself to heal the brighter it'll get :)
Author LoveandSuch Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 Thanx Professor X, hmm....I have the two sexiest and well versed, thought provoking, Men-Avatars on LS advising me:) Block, Mind block, and NO contacting anyone now, in this raw moment, for rebound mental stimulation!!! I need to break free from this the right way.
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