Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My take on relationships is simply do not get attached. Unless you are at the stage in life to get properly serious, i.e you two could potentially get married and have children, then just keep it semi serious. have commitment and trust sure, but just dont give your whole self away. I personally wont be getting into a deadly serious relationship untill i am in my 30's. Ive just lost a girl of my dreams due to age/timing/circumstances and i dont think i can put myself through this again.
Nohbody Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I don't think it works like this, but if you can figure it out - my hat's off to you.
aussie_bloke Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My take on relationships is simply do not get attached. Unless you are at the stage in life to get properly serious, i.e you two could potentially get married and have children, then just keep it semi serious. have commitment and trust sure, but just dont give your whole self away. I personally wont be getting into a deadly serious relationship untill i am in my 30's. Ive just lost a girl of my dreams due to age/timing/circumstances and i dont think i can put myself through this again. I don't agree, and believe me after being absoluelty gutted by my ex, I should think like you do but I don't. If you can't give yourself to someone completely you may aswell be single. I think breakups are important to learn how to act/react/respond/communicate in a relationship and to be able to actually have a healthy relationship. I feel if you don't let yourself go 100% then you are not living and learning like you could be and by the time you get to your 30's you won't be capable of sustaining a long term relationship like your potential partner can and you will still have to go through all the crap to learn things that you simply can not any other way. I know plenty of people keep things semi-serious on purpose, and its not fair on their partner either and to be honest they are just gutless. You can't live in the fear of being hurt or try and limit/sensor your emotions. Relationships come and go, being hurt is part of it. As gutted as we both are, the sun still came up today and I'm sure as hell it will tomorrow to so take the risk, forget the fall, if its what you want it's worth it all!
ConfusedT Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I agree and disagree. I think in logic, it makes sense to not get too committed if you don't know where it is going, but i think in reality, people will continue to think that this is a "forever" type relationship, even when there's not enough foundation to support anything. As the other poster said, "hats off to ya" if you can do that, I would love to be able to, but would it be fair to that other person who is 100% committed?? IDK...
londonR Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 its ok to take a back seat right now and do things for yourself. However, when it comes to falling in love, you can't really preempt your intentions too much. So try not to think about it too much. Don't think: 'I'm going to look for love' and at the same time, don't think: 'I'm not going to look for love' either. You probably feel like that you can't right now. Well that's ok to feel like that, - it's probably our way of dealing with pain and protecting ourself. (Just be careful you don't over-protect yourself for too long).
thelovingkind Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Our attachment processes are pretty subconscious and dependent on all manner of uncontrollable things, such as the relationships we formed with family during childhood. You can't just say, "Hrmm, I won't get so attached in the future" unless you actually intend on avoiding activities that encourage bonding such as cuddling and intimate talk (which is a path some people take). What I think the OP's approach will lead to is a denial about how attached one really is during the early phases of a relationship and subsequently that person taking the relationship for granted, getting dumped because they weren't totally committed, and then reeling from the loss like the OP and repeating the cycle again.
SCG_Sasa1111 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 this is exactly how i feel i just lost a 4.5 year relationship 9 months ago to GIGS..or whatever its called who knows. point is worst pain i have ever had to experience considering im only 20 and i was with her since we were both 15. Huge mistake in getting into a serious relationship at that age but live and learn right? IT ALL HAPPENED cuz i went to visit my family in my country for 15 days. she got attached to her friend from her university program like wtf? and she tells me if i never left it wouldn't have happened........
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