Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Today 2 years ago my ex dumped me, then one week later got with my best friend-now they are married. Its been no contact for 2 straight years except on Jun 1 this year she filed a protective order against me(permanent). Every day I think about her all day... I have tried everything to stop thinking about her, but its not easy for me at all because the time we had together was amazing... we spent every second together, and I thought we were so compatible and she was head over heels in love with me( like I was with her), but all of the sudden out of absolutely no where for no reason she ends it.. she tried to get back together with me a month after we broke up, even after she was hooking up with my best friend I still took her to sushi and a movie...... but she looked at my phone... and saw some bad texts that my phone did not delete when i honestly deleted them...I was talking to her girl friend in a flirtatious matter, and perhaps even mentioned my ex and she didn't like that.... not... one... bit... but we still saw the movie (couples retreat, ironic i know) but it was a bad time she denied every move I made on her with hatred and haste like she was just waiting for me to touch her. If I put a pic of her on here, you would see why I am crazy about her. Not only that, but she is an olympic ice skater, and has an amazing personality... Anyway, its been 2 years and I heard before that for the heart to heal it takes a year... but obviously my heart is not healed and I want it to be! I am starting to lose faith in believing that I can overcome this harsh breakup. If someone has been in a similar situation, and can provide some advice to a speedy recovery I would appreciate it I need all the help i can get! Thanks!
Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 how old are you? how long were you with this girl? no contact for 2 straight years! and shes now married? I think i will speak for everyone here, dude you need to let her go. shes gone! shes married! there is no way back, nor will there ever be really! you really need to stop making this girl your whole life, there is much more to it than that. i guess to get over anybody you need to get back out there. even if you dont feel like it take up a new hobby or sport that takes a lot of your time up. but really the only time i ever get over someone properly is if i meet someone i regard as "better" time should be a healer so i cant understand why you are still pinning on this one. realistically what can you do? she has filed a restraint order against you! i dont mean to sound harsh but there is literally nothing you can do here, i wish there was.
Ajax Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 If you hadn't been in contact with her in almost two years, why did she file for a protective order against you? There must be more to the story than we're getting.
stillafool Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 If you hadn't been in contact with her in almost two years, why did she file for a protective order against you? There must be more to the story than we're getting. Wha!? A better question would be if she dropped you for your friend and married him, why are you still thinking about his chick? She sounds awful.
Graceful Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Uh, this sounds like an obsession, not a long lost love. No one can file a protective order unless there has been stalking, or any sort of invasion of personal space, sexual harassment, or even violence. You will face criminal charges soon if you break the protective order. Is that what you want? Get help asap. You need it. It should have been mandatory along when the PO was filed. Run, don't walk, to counseling. (Yeah, Ajax, funny how those "little" details get glossed over )
AlexDP Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 If you hadn't been in contact with her in almost two years, why did she file for a protective order against you? There must be more to the story than we're getting. Not necessarily. She sounds like a possible cluster B woman: - The time spent with her was insanely intense. - She was head over heels in love. - She dropped him for his best friend, to achieve drama. - She married that friend within two years, which is pretty fast. - She filed a protective order, which still could have been about hurting this guy. - He may think she had a great personality, because she mirrored him.
AlexDP Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Uh, this sounds like an obsession, not a long lost love. No one can file a protective order unless there has been stalking, or any sort of invasion of personal space, sexual harassment, or even violence. You will face criminal charges soon if you break the protective order. Is that what you want? Get help asap. You need it. It should have been mandatory along when the PO was filed. Run, don't walk, to counseling. (Yeah, Ajax, funny how those "little" details get glossed over ) Of course you can. Anyone can file for a protective order and in some states, countries, you get a restraining order without actually needing to provide proof. Harsh and unfair, but that's the way it is.
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I am 20 (21 in September) She is 20... We dated for 1 year and 8 months 2 years ago today. I forgot to mention that I did email her, a week before I got served by a cop. The email was to inform her that I will be forgetting about her and I never want to see her again even in 100 years. At the time it sounded like a good idea because I thought it would help me get over her if I was mean to her, and maybe it was a good idea ( in the long run) because it did more closure with her I guess... I don't want to get back with her, but I just can't stop thinking about her.
Graceful Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Either way, his thoughts are obsessive and out of control. And he has to have done something tangible for a PO to become permanent. She could not have done that out of thin air. And the PO is on his record now, so he has to live with that, false or not. Her problems are not his problems, and rather than diagnose what her issues are, he's obsessing over this for two years, even if she is an evil person, he has not let go. The OP needs help and if he doesn't get help soon, he'll just keep sinking into an abyss of depression and his obsessive thoughts. Gotta get a grip here. Not necessarily. She sounds like a possible cluster B woman: - The time spent with her was insanely intense. - She was head over heels in love. - She dropped him for his best friend, to achieve drama. - She married that friend within two years, which is pretty fast. - She filed a protective order, which still could have been about hurting this guy. - He may think she had a great personality, because she mirrored him.
Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 christ, well you are young mate. dont throw away your life just yet lol! get back out there, seriously find some other girl to bang but yeah i understand its more than that. it is hard letting go of someone you really really like.
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I did hack her email and facebook right after we broke up and deleted everything especially after I saw pics of my ex best friend in there. I almost killed him too but they moved to California together... That was a long time ago though and the anger has subsided (mostly:As in I would probably kill him fast rather than slow and painful) however, the sadness has not left yet The haunted memories haven't left yet And Im just sitting here in a world of pain thinking how nice it could be if I could forget her like I really want to, or atleast just get her off of my mind.
Graceful Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Of course you can. Anyone can file for a protective order and in some states, countries, you get a restraining order without actually needing to provide proof. Harsh and unfair, but that's the way it is. True, in some states it is harder than others. My cousin tried to file one on her (now) ex-husband and had to move heaven and earth to get one where she lives. So it does depend. Agreed. ------------------------------------------------------------ And to the OP: Yeesh, yeah, you're a young guy, and while it may be a very difficult thing to accept, this was just one relationship of many in your life you will probably have before you settle down. Let go already, dude, you are wasting yourself on someone who has long since moved on. Look back on the memories fondly, but honestly? What you're doing is not healthy. We all have a first true love, you see, and that's what this girl was to you. Time to close the chapter. GET HELP. Good luck.
Nohbody Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Agree with Grace, you may want to consider some kind of counseling and take active measures to curb your thoughts of her. It's been longer than the relationship lasted, and that's a pretty good sign that there isn't much left to hope for. She obviously isn't who you thought she was, so what do you really miss? What do you feel you don't have? Find that for yourself.
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I appreciate all the help very much, I already feel much better Thanks!
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Figure. I used to love watching her skate so gracefully...
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Well, regardless...She did you wrong and so did your best friend.....and to be quite honest, you're better off without them. Sounds like you're having issues with coping with this. I would strongly recommend that you seek individual counseling to get a handle on this and learn to let go. No shame in that.
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 actually I went to free counseling about 2 months after we broke up and it wasn't bad... I think I will go there and see my old councler before I start classes again. Its at a church I am not religious anymore, but it can't more than it helps right?
JasonRules Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I will be frank with you. If she got married at age 20, she will be divorced before age 30. I can guarantee you that. Secondly, how the hell can she can angry at you for sending flirty sms messages to girl, who happens to be her friend, when she's been sleeping with your "friend". She is insane and has totally gone off the reservation. On top of that, she get's an order of protection because you emailed her? Are you kidding me? And you're in love with this nutjob why again?
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I will be frank with you. If she got married at age 20, she will be divorced before age 30. I can guarantee you that. Secondly, how the hell can she can angry at you for sending flirty sms messages to girl, who happens to be her friend, when she's been sleeping with your "friend". She is insane and has totally gone off the reservation. On top of that, she get's an order of protection because you emailed her? Are you kidding me? And you're in love with this nutjob why again? Oh yeah, honestly I didn't even think they would last this long... they will eventually divorce but I will have difficulty talking to either of them again regardless of their martial status... The night we tried to reconcile was bad, but she went to Cali literally the next morning (from CO) so I think she was just hunting for things to start a fight over so she would feel less guilty screwing my best friend a thousand miles away. Yeah I was speechless when the cop came to my door and mentioned her name to me.... just blown away utterly surprised... i was even more shocked that I was found guilty at court even after i gave a long winded defense that was way better than hers, but of course she lied and cried and said I hit her. I told the judge that I would rather cut my balls off then to even think about hitting a female, but he took her side in the end and granted the order. I guess they really do give those things out like they are going out of style. Im in and out of love with her to be honest some days I love her some days I hate her, but no matter what she is always on my mind... but not for long.
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 No offense, but this guy poses a serious challenge to onegoal for the forum psycho stalker title.
wilsonx Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) I agree with a lot of people on this post. You do need counseling. Go back to the free counseling. It really helps. You need to stick to it, even if you have to pay for it. Don't be ashamed of it either. Its about making YOU better and thats all that matters. A lot of people have spot on posts but anything that has to do with your EX it no longer matters. I can tell you that I know exactly what type of girl you are dealing with and you HAVE to move on. You have to keep going to counseling. If you don't you are going to be in this SAME position over again with a different relationship. Don't be ashamed of it, you're friends and family will be supportive of you if you told them. You're lucky you get it for free, I am not going to tell you how much out of pocket I have to pay for each session. Edited August 12, 2011 by wilsonx
wilsonx Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 No offense, but this guy poses a serious challenge to onegoal for the forum psycho stalker title. Look I can fully understand what hes going through. Only because I just went through it. Its a tough breakup to go through. I had to quit drinking socially with my friends because of the crazy emails I would write but was never drunk enough to send. Yes, he needs counseling and thats the only thing that is helping push me through the hurdle that I am having a hard time getting over. The problem is shes the nutjob, does op have problems yes but I can identify with them. Like I normally say been there done that got the t-shirt but after this ordeal is done, that t-shirt will be burned.
TheHurtProcess Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I will be frank with you. If she got married at age 20, she will be divorced before age 30. I can guarantee you that. Secondly, how the hell can she can angry at you for sending flirty sms messages to girl, who happens to be her friend, when she's been sleeping with your "friend". She is insane and has totally gone off the reservation. On top of that, she get's an order of protection because you emailed her? Are you kidding me? And you're in love with this nutjob why again? Agreed. Forget about this floozy, you can do so much better. I wouldn't be caught dead pining over a b*tch like that.
Author Kk47 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks for the encouragement Wilson, it is absolutely hard to go through this... but I will go to the counseling and get over this.
Recommended Posts