Whisky123 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Ok so I met this guy. We had this incredible connection and in typical style I held back a little to let things develop and let him chase me etc to prove he liked me. He did just that, took me out for dates, even asking my mums permission jokingly (I'm 28), driving me home 70km at end of a night without me asking, texting and calling every day, even hosting my friends who came to visit and picking them up from the airport etc. He made me feel very special. He didn't just jump into bed with me. I even questioned that once and he said that he wanted to seem a gentleman and to him this was not just about sex but more. This all seemed so perfect. Anyway one night he told me he needed to tell me something. And he told me that he had only recently ended a a two year relationship. He was still hurting a bit and even though he knows he does not want a future with her, they still have contact for financial reasons and due to the fact that they are from the same town and country so have a link. He said he no longer wants any relationship with her but he can't just abandon her in a strange country. He acknowledged he was being a bit cowardly about this. Anyway I thought about this for a few days and then asked him where we go from this. He then came back to me and said that he thinks we can only be friends as he doesn't want to date anyone at all. I accepted this although obviously I'm disappointed. The even more complicated thing is that he and I live together. At the time I first met him, I was looking for somewhere to live and he will be away on business out of the country for the next two months so he suggested I could have his flat to stay in whilst he was away and look for something else. Anyway...so it has been harder for me now as I've been there for two weeks and he leaves next week so I've had two weeks of living with a guy who told me I'm amazing and hot and to quote him "I love every second I am with you" and the next we are just friends. So two days ago I broke. I told him he had hurt me and that I couldn't do this and that we needed to go back to square one, not friends, just housemates, he has his life, I have mine and see where we go from there. And I left and went to stay with a friend for a night to have space and switched off my phone. The next day he insisted we talk. I told him there was nothing to discuss. He told me he hadnt slept all night thinking about me and that he refuses that we are not friends and that he will fight for my friendship no matter what. He told me I get him, I get him and understand him more than he does and that some of the things he has confided in me in past month or so he hasn't felt able to tell anyone, not his parents or his ex. he says I make him feel strong and special. I just told him to go as I wanted to sleep. The next morning when I got up he was out. It was raining and so shut all the windows in the house. When I went into his bedroom I noticed a note that I had written him two weeks after we met sellotaped next to the wall by his pillow on the bed. I don't get this. Any of it. Part of me feels like when he goes away I should just move out and be done with it. But part of me wonders if o should be patient. I feel so confused.
Author Whisky123 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Can someone please give me advice...
Pierre Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Ok so I met this guy. We had this incredible connection and in typical style I held back a little to let things develop and let him chase me etc to prove he liked me. He did just that, took me out for dates, even asking my mums permission jokingly (I'm 28), driving me home 70km at end of a night without me asking, texting and calling every day, even hosting my friends who came to visit and picking them up from the airport etc. He made me feel very special. He didn't just jump into bed with me. I even questioned that once and he said that he wanted to seem a gentleman and to him this was not just about sex but more. This all seemed so perfect. Anyway one night he told me he needed to tell me something. And he told me that he had only recently ended a a two year relationship. He was still hurting a bit and even though he knows he does not want a future with her, they still have contact for financial reasons and due to the fact that they are from the same town and country so have a link. He said he no longer wants any relationship with her but he can't just abandon her in a strange country. He acknowledged he was being a bit cowardly about this. Anyway I thought about this for a few days and then asked him where we go from this. He then came back to me and said that he thinks we can only be friends as he doesn't want to date anyone at all. I accepted this although obviously I'm disappointed. The even more complicated thing is that he and I live together. At the time I first met him, I was looking for somewhere to live and he will be away on business out of the country for the next two months so he suggested I could have his flat to stay in whilst he was away and look for something else. Anyway...so it has been harder for me now as I've been there for two weeks and he leaves next week so I've had two weeks of living with a guy who told me I'm amazing and hot and to quote him "I love every second I am with you" and the next we are just friends. So two days ago I broke. I told him he had hurt me and that I couldn't do this and that we needed to go back to square one, not friends, just housemates, he has his life, I have mine and see where we go from there. And I left and went to stay with a friend for a night to have space and switched off my phone. The next day he insisted we talk. I told him there was nothing to discuss. He told me he hadnt slept all night thinking about me and that he refuses that we are not friends and that he will fight for my friendship no matter what. He told me I get him, I get him and understand him more than he does and that some of the things he has confided in me in past month or so he hasn't felt able to tell anyone, not his parents or his ex. he says I make him feel strong and special. I just told him to go as I wanted to sleep. The next morning when I got up he was out. It was raining and so shut all the windows in the house. When I went into his bedroom I noticed a note that I had written him two weeks after we met sellotaped next to the wall by his pillow on the bed. I don't get this. Any of it. Part of me feels like when he goes away I should just move out and be done with it. But part of me wonders if o should be patient. I feel so confused. This is my humble opinion: The guy is flaky, needy, and a user. He said he needs you because of what you "do for him". This is all about him: He needs you to medicate the break up from prior girlfriend. That is what he means by "you making him strong". He is in no position to have a normal relationship and shame on you for moving in so soon. I am certain he is very smooth and had you wrapped in his manly hands by being such a gentleman. I think many women fall for smooth talking men that are willing to do everything (even taking care of your friends). It is a very sophisticated way of manipulation. However, I have to give some credit to this man. he now knows he is not ready for a relationship and he was honest about this. Maybe he is still seeing the exGF. Did you check? I suggest you move out and carry on with your life. He is dragging you into a messy situation.
Author Whisky123 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Look..i'm not stupid, I moved in with him because I was actually really needing a place to live and it is an expensive city that I live in and it was too good an opportunity to miss and I think that you are missing the fact that he is not here at all for the two and a half months...so it is just these two weeks...and I thought (perhaps wrongly) I would be able to deal with those two weeks. I take your point though....I just..I don't get if this is the case why he is still carrying on this charade. I accepted he just wanted to be friends...it is him that is now still carrying on like it is more than a friendship not me. And yes...he still sees the ex, he has been honest about that because of the financial aspect etc...although whether or not he sleeps with her etc...I really don't know. He is a very confused guy but I believed what he said to me about begging me to stay friends with him and he will fight for my friendship etc. But maybe I am just being incredibly naive.
justme37 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 In my opinion, you are being a bit naive. I think he still has feelings for the ex that he isn't sure about. You guys met, hit it off and things were great, until he realized he still has unresolved feelings for the ex. Long story short, he has no idea what he really wants.
Pierre Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 In my opinion, you are being a bit naive. I think he still has feelings for the ex that he isn't sure about. You guys met, hit it off and things were great, until he realized he still has unresolved feelings for the ex. Long story short, he has no idea what he really wants. Great post. I will add that a decent man does not bring a 3rd party into his mess. That is what makes him needy and selfish.
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