nycman51 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I have been married for many years and my wife is not a very passionate women. I have spoken to her on many occasions and nothing has ever changed or has she even made any effort to help the situation. So that brings me to looking for a women that is in a similar situation, someone I can be friends with and maybe more. This is not just about sex that can be found easy if I wanted. I want someone who has feelings and emotion who can have a intermit conversation. I’m not looking to change my situation or anyone else’s. My wife has been great in many other ways. But I feel empty at times. So what do I do and if I decide to have an affair how do I even start?
TBH Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 sounds like you want to keep your wife as a companion and yet share your intimate side with someone else. problem is 1) your wife is unlikely to be happy with this 2) the person you may end up meeting will probably want more than to share your time if you get this 'connection' you are looking for if you were just looking for sex like you say it would be easy but it just sounds like you want to be with another person. I know it isnt easy to admit when you dont want to be with your partner anymore but its really kinder on everyone if you seperate before looking for someone new
reboot Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Divorce is pretty easy these days. You should probably get one.
Hazel_eyes Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Sir if you have even an ounce of respect for you wife then you will divorce her before you go forward in this. Having an affair will destroy her to her very core and in my opinion is probably one of the most absolutely selfish and horrid things you can do to someone you "love".
skywriter Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 yea, we all think we can handle A's, that we can keep our emotions in tact. Hmmmmm....think again. You will live to regret it. I can understand you wanting to fill the void of a lack of intimacy though. It's a contradiction to believe you can be intimate with another and exclude love from it.
Severely Unamused Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Waste of her time to stay in the dying marriage. Waste of your time to stay in the dying marriage. You don't sound compatible. You might as well either end it now, or go with an open relationship (which will most likely finish it off anyway). sounds like you want to keep your wife as a companion and yet share your intimate side with someone else.That's what I thought. Your wife isn't your possession, anymore than you are her own. I’m not looking to change my situation or anyone else’s.Ah, so you want to have your cake and eat it too. Then go on a dating site or something. Frankly, I doubt that you will listen to the advice here, since it is the polar opposite of what you want. But if you do, think about the about the ideas that have been proposed. Edited August 12, 2011 by Severely Unamused
dreamingoftigers Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 LOL, what makes you think finding intimacy outside of your marriage and yet keeping everything under wraps will be easy to order up. You'd have a better shot if saying to your wife: look, honey, thus has gotten so bad and it is so important to me that I am considering having an affair.
Trimmer Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 ... if I decide to have an affair how do I even start? Divorcing your wife is the right first step to take. Added advantage: that gives you much more flexibility in your subsequent steps.
KathyM Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Sir if you have even an ounce of respect for you wife then you will divorce her before you go forward in this. Having an affair will destroy her to her very core and in my opinion is probably one of the most absolutely selfish and horrid things you can do to someone you "love". Agreed. Don't do this to your wife. Once you cross that line, you can't take it back. It's something you will live to regret. If you are unhappy with your sex life, then see a marriage counselor with your wife and work on it.
ver13 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Agreed. Don't do this to your wife. Once you cross that line, you can't take it back. It's something you will live to regret. If you are unhappy with your sex life, then see a marriage counselor with your wife and work on it. I totally agree with this either you make a appointment with a MC and get to the root of your problems together or go to a lawyer.
Dorie Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Divorcing your wife is the right first step to take. Added advantage: that gives you much more flexibility in your subsequent steps. +1 (10 characters)
Bittersweetie Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I have walked this road, and it is not one I would recommend or want for anyone. I thought I could "fill in the gaps." That was a colossal error in judgment on my part. Share your feelings with your wife; that's what it means to be married. Go to MC or IC. Or if you really feel that empty and hopeless with her, then get a divorce. Any of those choices are better than starting an affair, which just creates pain and destruction. Don't even go there. B
Spices Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I have been married for many years and my wife is not a very passionate women. I have spoken to her on many occasions and nothing has ever changed or has she even made any effort to help the situation. So that brings me to looking for a women that is in a similar situation, someone I can be friends with and maybe more. This is not just about sex that can be found easy if I wanted. I want someone who has feelings and emotion who can have a intermit conversation. I’m not looking to change my situation or anyone else’s. My wife has been great in many other ways. But I feel empty at times. So what do I do and if I decide to have an affair how do I even start? Don't do it. You run the risk of falling in love with her & it will tear you up inside. My partner had the same dilemma as you in his marriage. He's a passionate man, but his wife wasn't. He ended up falling in love with me & ended up divorcing his wife... this move ended up turning his life upside down & he still to this day wonders if he made a mistake. The grass is not always greener, my friend.
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Ddeepprreesseedd Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I have been married for many years and my wife is not a very passionate women. I have spoken to her on many occasions and nothing has ever changed or has she even made any effort to help the situation. So that brings me to looking for a women that is in a similar situation, someone I can be friends with and maybe more. This is not just about sex that can be found easy if I wanted. I want someone who has feelings and emotion who can have a intermit conversation. I’m not looking to change my situation or anyone else’s. My wife has been great in many other ways. But I feel empty at times. So what do I do and if I decide to have an affair how do I even start? Why would you bring trouble in your life?
Tayla Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 yup 13 post later and the OP has yet to come back to respond or read up. yet people add their two cents anyways. Just making an observation. COnsider open marriage. Dats my two cents
Trimmer Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 yup 13 post later and the OP has yet to come back to respond or read up. yet people add their two cents anyways. Just making an observation. COnsider open marriage. Dats my two cents He is considering it. He's just planning to structure it as a unilateral open marriage...
danceallday Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Take a trip to Vegas, go to a bunny ranch, use a condom. Never speak of it. Or ask your wife if she would go to marital counseling. She should understand that men have needs; however, you need to understand that the stresses of raising a family, menopause, and being forced to live in a man's world take a toll on women.
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