Author confusedinkansas Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 its not confusing to me about the point of this thread or any other thread started by CIK in the infidelity section. She likes to try to ruffle the feathers of those that come here that have suffered at the hands of people like her and those she defends. pure and simple. I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. Never have BS's are reading this thread totally wrong. I would, for the most part expect that some BS's would HATE the XAP (at least for a minute) that their spouses had affairs with............I think it's wasted energy but I get it. HOWEVER, this thread wasn't directed at ANY Betrayed Spouse. It was directed at the person who had the affair. Is it necessary for the Past AFFAIR PARTNERS to hate each other in order for their respective marriages to work? I did read another thread - with some postings similar to that not verbatim(don't remember now exactly where it is) Sheesh Memphis - It's VERY OBVIOUS you don't like me. You don't like my posts. You think me the actual Wicked Witch. Don't really care!! If you don't like my postings then just don't read them....... Pure & Simple
dreamingoftigers Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. Never have BS's are reading this thread totally wrong. I would, for the most part expect that some BS's would HATE the XAP (at least for a minute) that their spouses had affairs with............I think it's wasted energy but I get it. HOWEVER, this thread wasn't directed at ANY Betrayed Spouse. It was directed at the person who had the affair. Is it necessary for the Past AFFAIR PARTNERS to hate each other in order for their respective marriages to work? I did read another thread - with some postings similar to that not verbatim(don't remember now exactly where it is) Sheesh Memphis - It's VERY OBVIOUS you don't like me. You don't like my posts. You think me the actual Wicked Witch. Don't really care!! If you don't like my postings then just don't read them....... Pure & Simple Your opener didn't say who it was addressed to, and your follow-up suggests that someone is telling the WS to feel this way. Plus it was in the Infidelity section instead of OW/OM. oh wait, you weren't OM/ow, so I guess this would be the default spot. Maybe they need to split up this section into WS/BS, there always seems to be some scrapping over this With the ambiguity we are going to be lost. The WS here are answering the same way we have, just they are in the position you are looking for. Casting out a net and then complaining that you caught boots as well as fish seems odd considering the way the net is constructed, either build a better net, or accept it as part of the haul. I for one like boots.
Author confusedinkansas Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Seriously? Come on - The only 'answer' I complained about/directly to was Memphis. He doesn't like me & will always post derogatory comments no matter what I have to say & no matter what thread I post it on. I'm not looking for any specific answer here. Was just wondering how other WS's (excuse me for not making it crystal clear which specific group the question was aimed at) felt because of some other reading I'd done here. My guess would be no matter where it's posted there will ALWAYS be people who mis-read, misinterpret & mis post. (shrug) It's all part of it, isn't it? If you feel I've "Cast A Net" guess everyone that opens a thread here in LS could be considered Net Casters as well. Coming here for an answer to a question does't mean that I have some deep dark hidden agenda. (Funny how people love drama) Lots of posts here are ... well....." Hmmmmmmmmmm I was just wondering about something ?????" types of posts.
Memphis Raines Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Seriously? Come on - The only 'answer' I complained about/directly to was Memphis. He doesn't like me & will always post derogatory comments no matter what I have to say & no matter what thread I post it on. no derogatory comments. and in case you didn't notice, DOT was in agreement with me about your intentions for posting things like this in infidelity. So it isn't just me. If you feel I've "Cast A Net" guess everyone that opens a thread here in LS could be considered Net Casters as well. difference is, some of us can admit it if we do. I have. sure. but you will cast it, try to veil your intentions, but it doesn't work. again, I'm not the only one that sees it.
Memphis Raines Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 but to answer the question, as a BS, I hated the OM initially, but then realized, "why? he did me a huge favor and took the slut off my hands" not to mention he is controlling (and apparently abusive in almost every way) So its fitting justice. as to the cheater hating the xAP. well unless they are scorned, I know damn well they won't hate them. Therefore just another reason why I won't stay with a cheater. I'm not going to be with someone that has fond memories of someone they screwed me over for. (and yes, its much different than having fond memories of relationships from one's youth that have nothing to do with cheating)
dreamingoftigers Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Seriously? Come on - The only 'answer' I complained about/directly to was Memphis. He doesn't like me & will always post derogatory comments no matter what I have to say & no matter what thread I post it on. The underlined part was specifically what I was referring to. You said that BSs (plural) were reading it wrong. I suggested that it needed to be made clearer. That's it, that's all. Wasn't a "your team vs. My team" thing. I'm not looking for any specific answer here. Was just wondering how other WS's (excuse me for not making it crystal clear which specific group the question was aimed at) felt because of some other reading I'd done here. Yeah, I was genuinely wondering what reading. My guess would be no matter where it's posted there will ALWAYS be people who mis-read, misinterpret & mis post. (shrug) It's all part of it, isn't it? If you feel I've "Cast A Net" guess everyone that opens a thread here in LS could be considered Net Casters as well. Trying to use generic phrasing here. Nothing derogatory about the "net casting" that's why I used that term. Cripes, we are on the internet I.e. Gathering information Coming here for an answer to a question does't mean that I have some deep dark hidden agenda. (Funny how people love drama) This irks me. I thought my point was pretty clear and I was trying to be pretty nice. Judging by word and overall tone there is the implication that I was suggesting a deep dark hidden agenda. Lots of posts here are ... well....." Hmmmmmmmmmm I was just wondering about something ?????" types of posts. Part of why I tried to answer your original question. Why does this communication difficulty keep happening? Why do you figure? Why does LS seem to have that "suggestion?" Could it be the way things are phrased and juxtaposed? I shall ask my husband if he needs to hate his APs in order to move forward in the M if that helps.
Author confusedinkansas Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I've never denied that I "Cast A Net" if it's necessary to give it a name. I'm no different from those who do the same thing here. Most of what I've posted in LS has been to get feedback from others. Only once have I asked for opinions or specific advice when I was in the middle of a 'situation.' I guess I thought that was what the forums here were pretty much about. Asking for & Getting advice, Giving when you can & Casting a net if you're having one of those moments where you just wonder how others feel about something. This particular thread - was misunderstood. No biggie. **** happens. I didn't post on the OW/OM thread because BOTH my EX & I were married at the time of our affair. I guess I believed the OM/OW forum was for 1 single wanting 1 married. Guess I misunderstood. :/ Edited August 17, 2011 by confusedinkansas
PatFinkle Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I guess I believed the OM/OW forum was for 1 single wanting 1 married.You've been posting at LS for quite a while and surely you are and were well aware that plenty of people who are OM/OW posting at that forum are themselves married as well. Thus "MOW" and "MOM" abbreviations used for "married other woman" and "married other man." Edited August 17, 2011 by PatFinkle
Angelina527 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 It's just a short term coping mechanism. You should already know this. Agreed. I felt hatred for awhile after I found out...my therapist said it was an extremely normal and healthy emotion to have after something so traumatic. I am now in a place in my healing process that i no longer feel the hatred and am moving towards indifference. Short term, the hatred and anger is healthy as it helps us to cope...long term, no, it is not healthy.
Recommended Posts