Ouchhurting Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Hello, I can't believe I am so stupid, and it really hurts to be this stupid. Please do not judge me, I have been beating myself up about this every minute of every day, even when I'm at work. Please know that I am/was an ethical christian woman and I'm in a deplorable/unforgivable situation. Please allow me to explain. I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful man. Lately, I have been disappointed in the choices he has made. I am the breadwinner of the family. I am a full-time working mom with a professional/executive title. My husband has used our life savings to make some business decisions that have not worked out positively, and has moved us across the state for some of them. My husband is a nice man, family-orientated, and kind. He has also made some bad chocies in terms of his friends. One of his best friends was cheating on his wife throgh the internet on a married dating website. I was upset by this and curious because I am friends with his wife. So, I check out this website because I am nosey. In order to acquire access onto this website, you have to join as a guest. So, I do. I did not find the cheating husband, but I do get a response to me by a "perfect" man. This man is everything my husband is not, he is extremely gorgeous, wealthy, funny, charming, athletic, and an upper executive, high-upper class, spiritual, too good to be true! I can't believe a man like that really existed, so I meet him and he exceeds all of my dreams. He has been on this website for one year and I am the only person he "selected", he is very picky. I am very educated, I used to model, and I excel in my profession. I did verify all of this is true and it is: Really! So we Email for a few months and it is getting more serious. It is long, amazing Emails for several weeks. Both of us know what we are doing is morally wrong, so we struggle. He decides that he must end this, but prior to doing so, he wants to have a "happy ending", we had not been physical, but he wants to end it by consumating the affair. We meet and I can't go through with it. We try again, and the second time we did get physical and he ended it there afterwards. I think part of me thought if we got physical, I could "save" this relationship. We haven't communicated since. I am really deeply hurting! One, I have betrayed my husband when he did not deserve this. Two, I have hurt the other man's wife, though she will never know this. Three, I feel "dumped", I was good enough to have sex with once, but not good enough to continue a relationship with. Four, I know I deserve to burn in hell for this and I have displeased the Lord. What I did was deplorable and completely SELFISH. I have not slept one night since this whole thing began. Telling my husband is not an option because he WILL divorce me and we have children. I will never do this again, it HURTS every day. I am in AGONY! I do not want to hurt anyone else. I am just asking if there is a way to make this not hurt so badly. Please help me if you have any suggestions. I have examined every moral fiber of my being and I can't understand why I did this.
DepressedinDenver Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 You can start by being less selfish. In order to do that you would ahve to tell your husband but since you won't do that idk what to tell you.
Bugz Bunny Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 For once don't be selfish and tell your husband because he deserves to know...oh and yes only the truth can set you free and if you don't tell him the guilt will eat you alive... You destroyed your family with a man whose intentions from begining where only to "have you" and then to dump you... I hope it was worth destroying your family (the people that truly love you)...
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 In order to acquire access onto this website, you have to join as a guest. So, I do. ... I do get a response to me by a "perfect" man. ... He has been on this website for one year and I am the only person he "selected", he is very picky. HORSE **** If you're registering as a guest to check out your husband's friend then what did you put in your profile that would attract such a picky man? Did you upload photos of yourself? Did you write a description and profile that would attract such a man? I call BS on your whole story. I can't understand why I did this. You did it because you wanted to. You must face the consequences of your actions. You need to gte tested for STDs and tell your husband, so he can get tested too.
Woman In Blue Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 He has been on this website for one year and I am the only person he "selected", he is very picky. LMAO!!!! Sure you're the only one he's "picked" in a year. OMG, are women really THIS naive after the age of 25?? Both of us know what we are doing is morally wrong, so we struggle. He decides that he must end this, but prior to doing so, he wants to have a "happy ending", we had not been physical, but he wants to end it by consumating the affair. LMAO again! I wonder how many women he's given THAT line to on the site he's been on for a YEAR, now? Oh yes, he feels SOOOOOOO guilty, but getting his d*ck wet before moving on will somehow make everything alright. I wonder what 'notch' the OP ended up being on his belt? Number 14? Number 27? Good Christ, this guy is SO transparent. We haven't communicated since. This post is cracking me UP. Golly, what a SURPRISE that he got laid - with the ONE and ONLY woman he's communicated with in an entire year - and she hasn't heard back from him since. Why, this is such a mystery, ain't it folks? :laugh: Three, I feel "dumped", I was good enough to have sex with once, but not good enough to continue a relationship with. That was ALWAYS Wonder Boy's intention. How could ANY woman over 25 be this gullible to believe the guy had been on a CHEATING website for a year and was just too damned picky - until he met the wonder of YOU? Four, I know I deserve to burn in hell for this and I have displeased the Lord. What I did was deplorable and completely SELFISH. I have not slept one night since this whole thing began. Telling my husband is not an option because he WILL divorce me and we have children. I will never do this again, it HURTS every day. I am in AGONY! Let's be honest. You'd STILL be having sex with that married creep if he hadn't done a 'hit and run' on you. He made sure to get laid before moving on to his next gullible woman on the website, and you realize NOW how badly you were duped. Cue the guilt and remorse now that the guy hasn't proclaimed his love for you, and you're suddenly feeling oh so bad. Had he stuck around proclaiming his love for you, you'd be over on the OW board bragging about how 'wonderful' the creep is.
YellowShark Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Please know that I am/was an ethical christian woman and I'm in a deplorable/unforgivable situation. Since you had an affair you might want to re-explore the "ethical christian woman" part of your story. One of his best friends was cheating on his wife throgh the internet on a married dating website. I was upset by this and curious because I am friends with his wife. So, I check out this website because I am nosey. In order to acquire access onto this website, you have to join as a guest. So, I do. I did not find the cheating husband, but I do get a response to me by a "perfect" man. First you joined the site, then you answered communications from another married person on the site. Somehow that just doesn't jive with your story about checking up on your husband's cheating friend. Seems to me you went many steps beyond checking up on a cheating husband. This man is everything my husband is not, he is extremely gorgeous, wealthy, funny, charming, athletic, and an upper executive, high-upper class, spiritual, too good to be true! I can't believe a man like that really existed, so I meet him and he exceeds all of my dreams. Why did you meet him? I thought you were an "ethical christian woman?" He's a married man cheating on his wife on a married-person dating site. So we Email for a few months and it is getting more serious. It is long, amazing Emails for several weeks. Both of us know what we are doing is morally wrong, so we struggle. He decides that he must end this, but prior to doing so, he wants to have a "happy ending", we had not been physical, but he wants to end it by consumating the affair. We meet and I can't go through with it. We try again, and the second time we did get physical and he ended it there afterwards. That is simply ridiculous. You two couldn't "end your affair" *properly* until you had sex? That makes no sense at all. Three, I feel "dumped", I was good enough to have sex with once, but not good enough to continue a relationship with. Ya. Your "perfect man" was cheating on his wife, and used you sexually to get his rocks off. Then he dumped you. Perhaps he may not be so perfect after all Ouchhurting. (...and if you were his wife he would have been cheating on YOU!) I am just asking if there is a way to make this not hurt so badly. Please help me if you have any suggestions. I have examined every moral fiber of my being and I can't understand why I did this. I would suggest seeing a therapist. Not a priest, but a trained-therapist. You need to explore why you totally went off the rails and did what you did. That is my advice.
HalfAlive22 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 And here I thought I was crazy and naive....not so much anymore
bentnotbroken Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I so love the ethical Christian description. What does Christianity say about adultery and lying to your spouse?
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I am really deeply hurting! One, I have betrayed my husband when he did not deserve this. Two, I have hurt the other man's wife, though she will never know this. Three, I feel "dumped", I was good enough to have sex with once, but not good enough to continue a relationship with. Four, I know I deserve to burn in hell for this and I have displeased the Lord. What I did was deplorable and completely SELFISH. I have not slept one night since this whole thing began. Telling my husband is not an option because he WILL divorce me and we have children. I will never do this again, it HURTS every day. I am in AGONY! I do not want to hurt anyone else. I am just asking if there is a way to make this not hurt so badly. Please help me if you have any suggestions. I have examined every moral fiber of my being and I can't understand why I did this. This has to be a joke. I resent the fact that you call yourself a Christian. I actually AM a Christian and I can tell you for sure that when you have God in your heart you don't go actively searching for affairs. A real Christian would also be honest with his or her spouse and face the music. Basically you are just using your kids as an excuse... hiding behind them. The way I see it... you resent your husband for a bunch of issues and instead of actually dealing with the resentment you ran out LOOKING for an affair. This other man screwed you once and has no more interest in you. THAT is what I think hurts you the most. To get right with God you need to be honest with everyone and face the consequences. Maybe your husband will divorce you... maybe not. At least then you two can start working on your marriage. Or you can just hide it and burn in hell... and make sure your marriage stays as crappy as possible. Lets face it... what messes up kids isn't divorce... it's having parents that don't love each other. They are going to grow up with your marriage as their pattern for relationships... so think about how you act.
2011aug Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 ...I am/was an ethical christian woman ... You regret your affair? Because the situation did not turn out as you had hoped? In any case, is your conscience bothering you now? If so, then realize who the victims are here. I think the victims are your husband, your children and yourself. You'll need to come clean with yourself so that you can face yourself and God again. Otherwise your affair will permeate all over yourself internally and your interactions with others. And eventually you will not be the "ethical christian woman" you think you are now. The dark side then wins. How you deal with your other victims depends how much respect and love you have for them. Allow them to make the choice of what they want to do -- just like God allowed you to make your choices. I tried to put my response in a Christian perspective. So I hope this help.
alexandria35 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 What did he select you for? A one night stand? Pretty clever guy. Not only did he get into your pants he got you to agree to being dumped before he even took you to bed. Can't believe his approach is working for him but obviously it is. You got played.
Spark1111 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think that instead of addressing the resentment you held towards your husband for his poor decisions, which you went along with, you used it as an excuse to meet your perfect man. That was your first mistake. Your second mistake was believing anything those emails said as how could you verify any of it? Obviously, you were conned. He manipulated you emotionally to score with you sexually. It is the oldest game in the world. For this cat, it is all about the pursuit and conquest and I doubt you were the only woman he was selling snake oil to. Thirdly, what you did represents unmet needs within you: whether for validation, flattery, or attention. Have you told YOUR H you need this from him, ever? Probably not. It is what made you vulnerable to a stranger, fercryin'outloud! God will probably forgive you if you atone. How do you plan to do that? Atonement means righting the wrongs, not just in your heart and your conscience, but the the others you have harmed as well. Seems like you have to tell your H. And get to MC too!
Tech_E Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Really? Are you for real? Come now. What a pile of ____. What a steaming pile of ____. You claim in your post a few times to be christian and mention the lord. Do you somehow think this is relevant? Huh? You justify your affair OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again. Honey do your husband a favor and divorce him. Whether he made bad choices with "your" money or not he doesn't deserve a cheating, lying woman like you. Un-bloody-believable! Reading this post makes my blood boil! It REALLY does.
Disillusioned_Wife Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 That guy screwed you seven ways to Sunday. Literally. He told you what you wanted to hear to get what he wanted to have. He used you for his own means just as much as you used him to "get revenge" on your husband for his poor financial choices. I don't doubt you took the opportunistic advantage of the friend's husband's actions to find a means to your own actions. Maybe not at first but you did become opportunistic. Kids know\sense more than you think. Don't hide behind your children. You have no right to justify it, hide it or find excuses to why it happened. There are none at all. I think you should tell your husband, if you want to make it right that is.
2011aug Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 What did he select you for? A one night stand? Pretty clever guy. Not only did he get into your pants he got you to agree to being dumped before he even took you to bed. Can't believe his approach is working for him but obviously it is. You got played. He's a master alright. Impressive.
zebrack25 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 First off, I don't really believe you're an ethical Christian woman. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "Thou shall not commit adultery" one of the Ten Commandments. Why is it that every person that cheats always acts as if they are victims of being seduced and didn't have a choice in the matter? Kind of makes me sick. Anyways, you're being EXTREMELY selfish by not telling your husband. He deserves to know your actions and you should face the consequences of them. It is going to eat you up either way, you might as well do the honorable thing for once. Once a cheater, always a cheater
Severely Unamused Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 The tone of this post/thread reminds me of another I read a few weeks ago, as well as a couple I saw 2-3 days ago (about an OM and a suicidal WS, and another about an unstable cheating girlfriend). It seems that LS is being pressed by a trollstravaganza these past few days. I'm just saying: Improve your troll detection skills. The mention of "I'm a good Christian" seems to be part of the MO. On the off-chance that this is real, I'd advocate going to MC with your husband and deciding on whether or not you want to go full-disclosure there.
samsungxoxo Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It sure seems like a trollish post. Even I'm having a hard time believing this because it's just soo nonrealistic and too complicated (with the Christianity thing and an abysmal grammar). If it's real then the OP should get an STD check-up and don't have sex nor any type of intimacy with husband. I think if OP feels soooo guilt as she says then honesty would be the only option. Eitherway I still think it's not a real story. I write stories on yahoo answers but at least they make sense. I would be a better troll than the OP but that's becoming a waste of time.
KathyM Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Hello, I can't believe I am so stupid, and it really hurts to be this stupid. Please do not judge me, I have been beating myself up about this every minute of every day, even when I'm at work. Please know that I am/was an ethical christian woman and I'm in a deplorable/unforgivable situation. Please allow me to explain. I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful man. Lately, I have been disappointed in the choices he has made. I am the breadwinner of the family. I am a full-time working mom with a professional/executive title. My husband has used our life savings to make some business decisions that have not worked out positively, and has moved us across the state for some of them. My husband is a nice man, family-orientated, and kind. He has also made some bad chocies in terms of his friends. One of his best friends was cheating on his wife throgh the internet on a married dating website. I was upset by this and curious because I am friends with his wife. So, I check out this website because I am nosey. In order to acquire access onto this website, you have to join as a guest. So, I do. I did not find the cheating husband, but I do get a response to me by a "perfect" man. This man is everything my husband is not, he is extremely gorgeous, wealthy, funny, charming, athletic, and an upper executive, high-upper class, spiritual, too good to be true! I can't believe a man like that really existed, so I meet him and he exceeds all of my dreams. He has been on this website for one year and I am the only person he "selected", he is very picky. I am very educated, I used to model, and I excel in my profession. I did verify all of this is true and it is: Really! So we Email for a few months and it is getting more serious. It is long, amazing Emails for several weeks. Both of us know what we are doing is morally wrong, so we struggle. He decides that he must end this, but prior to doing so, he wants to have a "happy ending", we had not been physical, but he wants to end it by consumating the affair. We meet and I can't go through with it. We try again, and the second time we did get physical and he ended it there afterwards. I think part of me thought if we got physical, I could "save" this relationship. We haven't communicated since. I am really deeply hurting! One, I have betrayed my husband when he did not deserve this. Two, I have hurt the other man's wife, though she will never know this. Three, I feel "dumped", I was good enough to have sex with once, but not good enough to continue a relationship with. Four, I know I deserve to burn in hell for this and I have displeased the Lord. What I did was deplorable and completely SELFISH. I have not slept one night since this whole thing began. Telling my husband is not an option because he WILL divorce me and we have children. I will never do this again, it HURTS every day. I am in AGONY! I do not want to hurt anyone else. I am just asking if there is a way to make this not hurt so badly. Please help me if you have any suggestions. I have examined every moral fiber of my being and I can't understand why I did this. Wow, it's too bad you crossed that line. Now you're going to be riddled with guilt for the rest of your life. You owe it to your husband and to your faith to confess what you did. Then beg your husband for forgiveness and pray that he will forgive and want to stay with you. That's all you can do. He deserves to know the truth. It's the right thing to do. When he sees how sorry you are, he may give you another chance. But you do owe him the truth. You made a huge mistake, but now you have the chance to make amends by being honest with him about it, and asking for forgiveness. The other man was on that dating site to hook up with women. He's not interested in a relationship, he's interested in sex with as many women as he can get. He fed you a line, that you were the only person on there he was interested in meeting. You naively fell for it, and now that he got what he wanted, he dumped you and moved on to the next victim. Confess this affair to your husband, and to God, and ask for forgiveness. The rest is up to your husband. If you keep this from him, you will be continuing to be a liar and deceiver.
Halio Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 LMAO!!!! Sure you're the only one he's "picked" in a year. OMG, are women really THIS naive after the age of 25?? LMAO again! I wonder how many women he's given THAT line to on the site he's been on for a YEAR, now? Oh yes, he feels SOOOOOOO guilty, but getting his d*ck wet before moving on will somehow make everything alright. I wonder what 'notch' the OP ended up being on his belt? Number 14? Number 27? Good Christ, this guy is SO transparent. This post is cracking me UP. Golly, what a SURPRISE that he got laid - with the ONE and ONLY woman he's communicated with in an entire year - and she hasn't heard back from him since. Why, this is such a mystery, ain't it folks? :laugh: That was ALWAYS Wonder Boy's intention. How could ANY woman over 25 be this gullible to believe the guy had been on a CHEATING website for a year and was just too damned picky - until he met the wonder of YOU? Let's be honest. You'd STILL be having sex with that married creep if he hadn't done a 'hit and run' on you. He made sure to get laid before moving on to his next gullible woman on the website, and you realize NOW how badly you were duped. Cue the guilt and remorse now that the guy hasn't proclaimed his love for you, and you're suddenly feeling oh so bad. Had he stuck around proclaiming his love for you, you'd be over on the OW board bragging about how 'wonderful' the creep is. WIB.......Ive been reading on all of these forums for awhile now and your words were the first that prompted me to post. In 2011 im truly awestruck at how easily the average GROWN Married Women will fall for the okie-doke. And its not just about the sex or the physical nature of the Affair either with the Women, but the psychological aspect of being Saved and Rescued be some strange man who supposedly possesses everything you want, need and cant do without. All this guy did was send some emails and talk nice to her...that's it!!!
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Well, I started reading the responses but they were too silly to bother with so... if you ARE even still reading replies... (I wouldn't blame you if you've stopped...) What you did IS forgivable --- at least by God. One way I can imagine your hurt ceasing is that you BELIEVE God can forgive you and through that you FORGIVE yourself. God's forgiveness is not narrow --- it is not finite --- we may have different philosophies regarding God, but I at least choose to believe in a God whose forgiveness is dependent upon whether one seeks it or not --- not dependent upon what is being asked to be forgiven. You are HUMAN. We are ALL human. We all mess up and we are all weak at the heart. In different ways, in varying degrees, at different times. You gotta look into yourself and really ask yourself if it's right to keep your affair from your husband though. DO NOT focus on fears and consequences --- push those aside and ask yourself if you'd want to know if you were in your husbands shoes --- really really find out what's right to you. And then follow that. Don't listen to anyone else --- it may be you find that it's better not to tell it, it may be that you find it's better to tell - you need to do some personal soul searching and let God guide you in it. There's consequences to our actions yes, but God isn't going to forsake you --- people MIGHT, your husband might --- but God isn't. Professional help may be of use to you too (therapy/counseling). It may be awhile before you heal, but you can heal, and maybe even learn a lot from this and be better for it. Try not to let guilt eat you up please --- you can use some of it for your benefit, but don't let it devour you it will just bring you down further and keep you from growing from this. You acknowledge it was a mistake --- you're not certain why you let it go so far --- that's good enough. Edited August 12, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Severely Unamused Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It sure seems like a trollish post. Even I'm having a hard time believing this because it's just soo nonrealistic and too complicated (with the Christianity thing and an abysmal grammar). If it's real then the OP should get an STD check-up and don't have sex nor any type of intimacy with husband. I think if OP feels soooo guilt as she says then honesty would be the only option. Eitherway I still think it's not a real story. I write stories on yahoo answers but at least they make sense. I would be a better troll than the OP but that's becoming a waste of time. Yep. I've seen a flood of this kind of stuff over the past week. Basically, it's there to rile the BSs up, and it tends to work very well. The one about the wrist-slashing WS and the smug OM was especially obvious. I'm not saying that there is zero chance of this being real, in which case, my most sincere apologies. But the troll posts do follow a very predictable pattern. In any case. I'd follow this. You gotta look into yourself and really ask yourself if it's right to keep your affair from your husband though. DO NOT focus on fears and consequences --- push those aside and ask yourself if you'd want to know if you were in your husbands shoes --- really really find out what's right to you.
Richard Friedman Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 2 lessons to be learned: 1. Many women are hypergamous whores who'll drop their pants for a bigger, better deal. Even the good, christian ones. They might sound of how good and moral they are, and would never do something like that, you can never know what will actually happen when they meet a big fish. Women aren't like men who get the hots for every good looking women, even when their missus is a stunner herself. However if she meets a guy who's better than her husband(in looks charisma money power) and pays attention to her look out. All that morality claptrap can head out the window. 2. A man shouldnt be with a woman who's better than him 1
CFSLP2010 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Some of these people are judgemental idiots. OP, repent, don't it again and move on.
MusicMan1234 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Don't feed the troll people. It has to be a troll because no one is this stupid and pathetic.
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