andi_denver Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 So before I say anything I know that I have a part in this which is why I have such a problem deciding this question. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years lived together the entire time. He has told me several times that I was the only one he has ever loved in his life SEVERAL times without me asking. So I went to Facebook and his account was already opened (after he made a big thing about changing his password - don't know why) and he was talking to this old girlfriend saying how she will always be his rose and she was the first girl he ever loved. Now, I know I should trust and should never have gone into his account but this really upsets me honestly its kind of a hurtful lie. Should I tell him that it hurt me while simultaneously admitting to snooping?
youngskywalker Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It's not good to snoop but what's done is done. The problem with reading someones facebook letters is they can be taken out of context. But you'll never really know unless you ask him about it. And then he's just going to tell you that it's nothing and then you're not going to believe him. See why going through someones personal things opens up a can of worms? Did you have any real reason to read through his stuff? Then and only then, would you have been justified in looking at this facebook.
Casablanca Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Is the contact with the ex recent or was it a message from back when they were together?
zengirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years lived together the entire time. He has told me several times that I was the only one he has ever loved in his life SEVERAL times without me asking. So I went to Facebook and his account was already opened (after he made a big thing about changing his password - don't know why) and he was talking to this old girlfriend saying how she will always be his rose and she was the first girl he ever loved. Now, I know I should trust and should never have gone into his account but this really upsets me honestly its kind of a hurtful lie. Should I tell him that it hurt me while simultaneously admitting to snooping? Did he write this when you were together/recently? If so, I'd definitely see it as a red flag. I'm not sure what advice to give. I haven't snooped on a BF since college, and when I snooped on my college BF I would NEVER have told him about it even if I found something objectionable. I would just randomly break up with him, for generally being a jerk, but our relationship always sucked. To me, snooping is a sign of toxicity in the relationship, potentially on both sides. But you have a generally steady LTR, I'm not sure what the answer is. Just a few thoughts. FTR, I don't think the whole "first girl he ever loved" thing matters. It's silly to care who was first and it's a general hyperbole people make when they fall in love (lame, but no biggie). But writing that **** to an ex WHEN you're with someone is odd.
Art_Critic Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Is the contact with the ex recent or was it a message from back when they were together? I guess this would matter.. If it was recent then you do need to fess up about looking into his FB and confront him head on.. Honestly it doesn't look good if 4 years later he is saying this to an ex..after 4 years the most that should ever come out of an ex is good wishes, not talk about how much they love one another or the like.. Maybe it is time for him to block and unfriend the ex from his FB.. Did you know the whole time that she was a friend on his FB ? Now.. if it was a 4 year old message then no you shouldn't do anything about it.. In love we all like to think that we are or were their only love's..
robdrm32 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 It's not good to snoop but what's done is done. The problem with reading someones facebook letters is they can be taken out of context. But you'll never really know unless you ask him about it. And then he's just going to tell you that it's nothing and then you're not going to believe him. See why going through someones personal things opens up a can of worms? Did you have any real reason to read through his stuff? Then and only then, would you have been justified in looking at this facebook. I fail to understand this logic. Basically its her fault he is talking like that to another woman? (an EX no less) For whatever reason the OP snooped and found something most people would find to be very objectionable. OP i would confront him. He will give you crap about snooping but make sure you keep the onus on HIM. He is being inappropriate.
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