xisnotx Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My current life situation puts me in a very awkward position, although I'm sure it's far from uncommon. I'm 21. I live in a small college town in the middle of nowhere. After I graduate I'm liable to go anywhere..and I absolutely mean anywhere. My family moved around a lot when I was younger, so I find myself willing to go almost anywhere on the globe in search of what I guess everyone is searching for...something. The problem is, I'm hesitant to even talk to women because I know if anything were to develop I would be very reluctant to let them "tie me down". I'm not a fan of having my life options being limited and I feel that that is exactly what any serious relationship will do. I could play around for the 1.5 years here...but that, I think, is kind of a douchebaggish thing to do, seeing as I've been on the other side of the coin and quite figuratively killed myself. Besides, I fall too easily...I can't help myself.. So, my question is, do I continue the search for a serious relationship, do I abandon it and play around (fwb i guess, though I am far from a fan because I'm not sure I have the ability to have sex with someone and not develop some sort of attachment to her...call me weird...idk), or do I just go into a state of "mental celibacy"...where I no longer even think in terms of sex, love and relationships in exchange for what I guess would be planning my future? Too long; didn't read: What to do when you are too young to get married, too old to date casually and too nice to just look for casual sex? Please keep in mind that I'm only 21..it's not like I can just "not like women"; there are other factors (or really just the one ) that are out of my control. Blame biology, or god, if that's your thing...
theseeker Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Why make an absolute decision on this? If you are so open and free to do what you like, then what is the probably with "being tied down?" If you are out of your mind happy when you are with a particular girl, isn't that the 'something' you are looking for? And furthermore: Dating does NOT = relationship Relationship does NOT = staying in the same BFE town. Just because she is going to school the same place you are doesn't mean she wants to live there forever. If you are interested in someone, ask her out. If you fall in love, terrific. Don't be afraid of happiness. If you don't fall in love, then whatevs. If you end up in a serious relationship, but still feel that need to go out and explore the world, tell her and she might encourage you (& may even have travel plans herself, and decide to go with you). Just stop being afraid, stop trying to decide and just be open and willing.
Author xisnotx Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Casual dating as a lifestyle perplexes me. I mean, what is it's purpose? Sex? Love? Just for kicks? Personally, there are a lot of things I want to accomplish before I die and "f*cking around" isn't one of them. I can understand casual dating as a means to a different end (ie finding out if there could exist anything more substantial between the two of you..) but casual dating as means to itself is, to me, perplexing. I think that has to do with the type of life I foresee myself living..so..different strokes, different folks blah blah Put another way..the whole point of "casual dating", to me, is to move on to a more serious life situation should you find someone who you are genuinely interested in building a life with. Like I said though, I'm young ...so yeah. Why make an absolute decision on this?....Just stop being afraid, stop trying to decide and just be open and willing. I find it funny that a lot relationship advice that I have gotten usually just boils down to this. "Stop thinking so much and just go with it.." blach, I know, I know. I'm guessing you are female? It's not that easy...I used to laugh at commitment phobic people, now I laugh at all the normal people lol
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 You will never know yourself until you actually date others - so that is the purpose of casual dating. That's one of the lessons in life that I was taught so far.
Author xisnotx Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Meh, I disagree. I guess I just see myself as my own person whether in a relationship or not. That's not to say that I don't act differently (in fact, I do) but, fundamentally, I'm still the same person regardless of my relationship status. Naive?
Cee Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I have a friend who moved from the United States to Southeast Asia when he turned 28. Then he bounced back and forth from the US back to Southeast Asia over the next 8 years. He's in the US now, but is contemplating going back to ex-pat life. He talks about moving to Italy or Turkey (he has dual citizenship because his Dad was born in Europe). He has one of the most stable dating careers of anyone I have ever met. He dated wherever he lived and, if he was moving, either they broke up or did LDR. He has attraction for women who travel and relocate frequently so their lifestyles match well. He has lots of photos of him and his girlfriends in dozens of countries, but he wasn't a player. His typical relationship lasted at least a couple of years. He's in his mid-forties and never married (and never wanted to). But he's never been lonely either. Make your love life fit your life & things will work out okay.
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