Ant84 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I have been separated from my wife for 39 days now. Not legally just basically split up. It all started when I found out she kissed someone else and as petty as it sounds it hurt me alot well after that we stayed together for two more weeks she left for a weekend to " get away" and came back with a mark on her chest but I forgave her but remained hurt then she left and at first it was so hard well it still is I miss her ally and we have 2 kids also and I miss them too I don't know what to do she sais she loves me but she is too stressed to make a decision to come home but that has been the excuse for 39 days now I'm stuck I love her so much it hurts to see her stressed but I can't seem to help her she acts like everything I say or do is wrong I just want her to be happy I tried just not calling her but when I do that she calls me. I'm so confused I Want my family back. And of course I had my wrongs I acted like she was there for nesecity rather than bc I wanted her to be. And I realized what I did and fixed it but she will not know if I changed till she comes back I don't k ow anyone got any advice
LostinCali909 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 What kind of mark? Hickey? Tat? How's your wife dealing with the separation? Your wife's behavior seems very questionable.
Author Ant84 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Ya a hickey and like I said she tells me that she does not want a divorce she just needs to clear her head.
Bubby Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 You need to ask her exactly what she means by clearing her head. Did you have good communication with you when you lived together ? Will she be willing to go to marriage counselling to work thinmgs out with you ? Will she do whatever it takes to get your relationship on track ? It may also take time for her to decide what is going on in her head. Has she mentioned that there is some hope and then stated several minutes later that she doesn't know. If she is willing to communicate and meet you half way to reconcilitation then she maybe ready to do so. But most importantly at this time you must look after you and keep your strength up, especially for your little ones. She may have issues from prior times in her life which may have raised their ugly heads and this has come out side ways for her. Also do you have support and a place to let off your steam and frustration. Keep us posted.
Mauschen Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 You have to make her miss you. Don't talk to her unless it is about exchanging the kids. Make sure you have them at least 50% of the time too. Go out an have fun (or at least pretend to), appear confident and happy, and don't beg or plead for her to come back. Those things are very unattractive to a wayward spouse. Read some information on marriagebuilders.com about wayward spouses and how to deal with them.
Tech_E Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 First of all she didn't "get away" for the weekend. She went off and had sex with this guy. You already know this, but you are perhaps willfully blind. It's normal. So, she had an affair. The only question remains what are you intending on doing about it? Actions, actions. Are there kids? Do you see them regularly? If not, DO SO! If she tries to prevent you from seeing them, get a lawyer and do it NOW! First off, research the 180 and follow it. Let it be your bible. Give yourself time to heal and determine what you want to do. If you want to try and reconcile then the 180 will help you start that process. Be aware that if you do want to reconcile she needs to do a LOT of things in order for it to have any chance at all. Is she willing? Good luck, and I know it sucks to be here, a LOT of us have been there. You will get through it, but you need to start today, you need to stop being whiny and feeling sorry for yourself.
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