Frustrated!!

[Dictated]

I'm a 30 year old single mother who just recently moved back home after being kicked out of my ex's apartment because he was cheating on me and I caught him...but that's not my problem...at least not my ex...

 

I have lived with my mother for most of my life...I got pregnant when I was 21 years old and still in college. I got my degree and moved in with my then boyfriend. Even while I was in college my mother was very demanding of me. It's a frequent thing to have to walk on egg shells around her as to not disturb the peace. She has always told me who I can and cannot hang out with because, "It's my house and I've worked a long hard life to allow whom I want in my house!" So I have very few friends because I have nowhere to hang out with them and my mother is unwilling to babysit even if I offer to pay her. I give her $500 a month for rent, pay my car note, pay my car insurance, pay my cell phone bills, pay any credit card bills, help buy food for the house, do favors for my brothers at her request even though I get no monetary compensation even though it takes 1/2 a tank of gas to go back and forth from their houses. I do my part and yet I am treated as though I am 12 years old. I don't have anywhere else to live at the moment because I can't afford more than what I'm paying and there aren't any houses or apartments for rent under $900 a month in my area (I want my son to continue going to the school he is going to) and she is aware of this because we have looked together. I'm not saying she hasn't helped me out tremendously throughout my life...to be honest, she's been a rock to me. My concerns lie with not being able to live my own life or bring up my son the way I think he should be brought up. I can't have certain friends because she doesn't like them. She says I can have them outside of her house but they are NOT to come to her house. I can respect this, I guess, but she's also not willing to babysit for me to have interaction with this friends without my 8 year old tagging along behind me and sometimes I need time away as well. She doesn't have any friends, she doesn't hang out with anyone and she's content with that and feels that everyone else should be as well but today I got royally ticked off at her because my son and his friends were playing in the back yard and horsing around. They were wrestling together and my mom went out and promptly put a stop to it. Now, don't get me wrong, these kids aren't the best of the bunch (I don't like our next door neighbor's kids at all). But my son is autistic and these kid are willing to play with him and treat him like any other kid. He was laughing and having fun when one of the kids jumped on him and that's when my mother exploded. She told them that if she sees it again that she's going to call the police and press charges. I didn't think it was that much of an issue and told the boys that my son has to come inside until grandma is a little less upset. At that point my mother screamed and yelled at me saying that his friends are not to set foot on her property or in her house. Now what she's done to me she is now doing to my son. She told me to get the hell out of her house and called me an unfit parent and threatened to take my son away from me all because of some rough play in the back yard. If only this was the end of it...usually I'll explode and go off on her but this time I actually kept my voice low and tried to talk to her about it as an adult and converse back and forth about the problem in hopes to come to an understanding with each other. I'm so tired of living with her but even when I lived in another state she found a way to dictate my life and what I was doing because it really is her way or the highway (example already given). I'm at my wits end because one one hand I feel like I should just do what she says and tells me to do knowing that she probably isn't going to be alive much longer (she's pretty sick all the time anymore) but on the other hand I want to live my own life and I'm afraid that if I move out I'm going to go running and never speak to her again because she has me really upset. I'm a list maker so I'm going to make you a list of what goes down:

 

I'm not allowed to punish my son - but she can

 

My son and I are only allowed to have approved friends - which is no one

 

I am not allowed to go out and have fun with my friends

 

I have to pay rent for 2 bedrooms but not allowed to be treated as a tenant

 

I have to do everything she requests when it comes to my brothers

 

I have to cook every meal, do all the laundry, do all the dishes, make sure the house is spotless otherwise I'll be yelled at, belittled and crushed

 

If I am to disturb any object of hers in the house I will be yelled at, belittled and crushed

 

If I go out with my friends and pay for a babysitter (not her) then I am a horrible parent for leaving my son alone even for a couple of hours

 

I'm apparently a slut because I had a child out of wedlock and am now interrogated and instructed on how I shouldn't sleep with every man I meet (like I have somewhere to do that) when I do get a date

 

I am to fat to introduce to her clients and therefore I am to stay home or at work and not show myself at her work...EVER

 

I am not allowed to have my own thoughts on any subject unless they are her thoughts on said subject

 

I am not allowed to listen to any music except for her own genre (which is country - while I like country I listen to a wide variety of music)

 

The list could go on but I'll cut it short here. My main concern is my son, I want him to have friends and feel normal but with her around I'm afraid that may never happen. Please give me some advice!

[learncmmqkmcv]

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[turnera]

Your list is full of things that YOU have the power to change. Are you ready to grow up and do that? She treats you like a child because you allow it.

[Rayne03]

First of all Dictated, I am sorry for what you are living. I can only imagine how difficult it must but. I have to agree with turnera......Find a way to get yourself and your son out from under her roof! It's not good for you and it's certainly not good for your son. If you wait too long, it could end very badly. If you could possibly take the steps needed to move out, at least you can have a lot more peace in your life .... and it sure sounds like you need it! Best of luck to you

[DaisyLeigh]

Move out. I would rather be on welfare, for a short time, than put up with that ****.