How many guys have had their hearts broken by a girl due to GIGS?

[Glove_slap]

Grass is greener syndrome = GIGS

if you're not sure what it is, the original thread can be found here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

 

This isn't by any means a sexist thread that singles out females to be indecisive malleable creatures, I'm sure there are many women out there that have had their hearts broken by men for similar reasons but the reason why I made this thread is to assure myself that I'm not the only guy in the world that has experience such an emotional train-wreck.

[wilsonx]

I am pretty sure that almost all guys at one point in their life have to experience this emotional train wreck. I felt it, my dad felt it, some of my good friends have felt it. The problem is there were a lot of red flags in our relationships and we did not take a stand and end it. Will it happen again, nope!

[johan]

If a girl leaves you for pretty much any reason, isn't that pretty much because she feels the grass is going to be more to her liking somewhere else? Is there some kind of distinction to be made? I'm not sure I understand this GIGS thing.

[ScienceGal]

I am not a guy, but I have been on both sides of this. I have left 2 relationships because of GIGS. BUT, there were real issues in each of those relationships that neither my boyfriend at the time or I addressed. Do I regret that both of those relationships are over? No. Would I ever do that again to someone? No way! I was young and selfish. Each of those other men were an excuse, and easy out. A way for me to transition with less loneliness and heartache. Neither of my exes knew that I had someone else, but that doesn't make it any better. The first "transition" turned in to a very unhealthy 3 year relationship, the second a 6 week fling. I don't miss either of those men either.

 

I am only posting this so that you can reflect on your relationship and maybe see what the the red flags were. Maybe you'll see that things weren't quite right. And know that it is NOT a reflection on you as a partner AT ALL. This is all about your ex and their issues.

[wilsonx]

you're correct its the same difference. they're also an underlying pattern that I have picked up on and its emotional immaturity. It not only applies to girls but guys as well. the problem is for some people it seems to come out of no where.

[ScienceGal]

If a girl leaves you for pretty much any reason, isn't that pretty much because she feels the grass is going to be more to her liking somewhere else? Is there some kind of distinction to be made? I'm not sure I understand this GIGS thing.

 

No. Maybe she isn't attracted to you anymore. Maybe she needs alone time and wants to be single. Maybe she found the situation to be abusive. I have left someone just to be alone for 9 months because they were horrible to me.

 

GIGS is when they see their next move, with someone else... and rather than work on the relationship they're in, they go for the other one because it looks better.

 

And I don't even eat beef... but now I kinda want a Slim Jim!

[johan]

Sounds like it's all the same to be. The guy gets dumped for something better.

[wilsonx]

No. Maybe she isn't attracted to you anymore. Maybe she needs alone time and wants to be single. Maybe she found the situation to be abusive. I have left someone just to be alone for 9 months because they were horrible to me.

 

GIGS is when they see their next move, with someone else... and rather than work on the relationship they're in, they go for the other one because it looks better.

 

And I don't even eat beef... but now I kinda want a Slim Jim!

 

So sciencegal my question to you is if you were 23 years old, would you jump ship to a guy thats 37 that you work with and that lives in a trailer? Would that be a better jump?

[wilsonx]

Sounds like it's all the same to be. The guy gets dumped for something better.

 

With GIGS they downgrade hard... thats why people dont understand what GIGS is. Read the first post in the grass is greener syndrome on my signature.

 

• Reasons for the break up are contradicting or sound like the dumper is grasping at straws for reasons. As if they are trying to convince themselves of it, too.

 

• Not much warning that something is going on before the actual break.

 

• An extreme change in lifestyle, such as suddenly starting to drink a lot, party a lot and hang around people they normally wouldn't.

 

• Wishy-washiness on the part of the dumper. They love you, but aren't IN love with you. They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on.

 

• Quickly entering new relationships with people they aren't very compatible with.

[Art_Critic]

I'm not sure I understand this GIGS thing.

 

I have to same feelings about GIGS.. not understanding it.. in my mind ALL breakups male or female being the dumper could be considered GIGS..

When we find out a person isn't for us we look elsewhere and are looking for something better than we are not liking.

[Art_Critic]

Sounds like it's all the same to be. The guy gets dumped for something better.

 

It is all the same..to me anyhow.. I know there are people who can see the whole GIGS thing but I just can't see how it is any different than just a breakup

[wilsonx]

Ok, Im going to bluntly say it. GIGS breakups by Homebrew's definition and mine is pretty much BPD or ERD. The dumper has some sort of emotional/psychological problem in their life.

[ScienceGal]

So sciencegal my question to you is if you were 23 years old, would you jump ship to a guy thats 37 that you work with and that lives in a trailer? Would that be a better jump?

 

No. No, I would not.

 

I know there are exceptions to most rules, but that age difference actually grosses me out. Does she have father issues? I've dated 7 years older and 5 years younger. I find that within several years of my own age is the best.

 

And I really dislike trailers.

[johan]

With ... with.[/b]

 

Well, I'm not buying that this is some kind of "syndrome". It sounds like what a lot of immature women do to guys who are too whipped to allow themselves to see the signs ahead of time. GIGS sounds to me like something invented by a jilted frat guy to explain why he feels so bad.

[ScienceGal]

Ok, Im going to bluntly say it. GIGS breakups by Homebrew's definition and mine is pretty much BPD or ERD. The dumper has some sort of emotional/psychological problem in their life.

 

I agree. Been there, grown up since, and won't be there again... on either side!

[Art_Critic]

Ok, Im going to bluntly say it. GIGS breakups by Homebrew's definition and mine is pretty much BPD or ERD. The dumper has some sort of emotional problem in their life.

 

Oh.. well I'm off this thread then.. diagnosing someone with BPD over a breakup or them leaving you just isn't right and really isn't worth me hashing out on someone's thread..

 

Having been married to someone who was diagnosed BPD by a professional I can pretty much get that GIGS and BPD are nothing alike...

[wilsonx]

Well, I'm not buying that this is some kind of "syndrome". It sounds like what a lot of immature women do to guys who are too whipped to allow themselves to see the signs ahead of time. GIGS sounds to me like something invented by a jilted frat guy to explain why he feels so bad.

 

I agree with this but the problem is the signs were there but if you never dealt with someone like this before, like a lot of people including myself, you just sit there thinking what the ****. One of my friends told me that he went through this a lot younger then me. You have to learn to get beat down into the ground so you can learn to defend yourself. You cant go into the UFC one day and fight brock lesnor, he has to kick your ass a lot before you finally figure out how to win in the end

[ScienceGal]

Oh.. well I'm off this thread then.. diagnosing someone with BPD over a breakup or them leaving you just isn't right and really isn't worth me hashing out on someone's thread..

 

Having been married to someone who was diagnosed BPD by a professional I can pretty much get that GIGS and BPD are nothing alike...

 

I totally overlooked that. I am not bipolar. And what is ERD? I was definitely emotionally immature, that's all.

[johan]

Oh.. well I'm off this thread then.. diagnosing someone with BPD over a breakup or them leaving you just isn't right and really isn't worth me hashing out on someone's thread..

 

Having been married to someone who was diagnosed BPD by a professional I can pretty much get that GIGS and BPD are nothing alike...

 

I think what it boils down to is that it's easier to accept what happened if you decide the other person must have a disease of some sort. If not for the disease you'd still be together. It's a way to bypass the "how bad did I screw this up" circuit.

[JasonRules]

I feel like my ex ended it with me recently over GIGS. The reasons she put forth for ending it were so trivial and miniscule that everyone who found out about it was utterly dumbfounded.

 

In any case, I tried my best to make things work because I loved (still do) her. She meant a lot to me and I was hurt a lot.

 

She is currently with someone else already and in a relationship. I know in my heart that she will regret it. My ex ex ex got GIGS around 28-29 the same as my current ex. I've let go entirely and am no longer trying to get her back.

[Art_Critic]

I think what it boils down to is that it's easier to accept what happened if you decide the other person must have a disease of some sort. If not for the disease you'd still be together. It's a way to bypass the "how bad did I screw this up" circuit.

 

I thought I'd pop back in for this one post..

You hit on something Johan.. it can be easier to accept what happened if you decide the other person was mental or whatever and couldn't help it.

 

I used that type grieving/acceptance when going thru the grieving of my bad relationship with my Dad who had passed away without us hashing out our differences..

It was easier for me to just accept that it was his problem and he wasn't going to change than to believe I had as much of an equal problem as he did.

 

It got me thru the tough grieving spot I was in only to have to face the real reality of it all and stop blaming someone else when I really needed to do was accept my own responsibility in the matter and as soon as I did I grieved and was able to place the past.

[Nohbody]

Art Critic and Johan +1

[giuliano-3]

I think what it boils down to is that it's easier to accept what happened if you decide the other person must have a disease of some sort. If not for the disease you'd still be together. It's a way to bypass the "how bad did I screw this up" circuit.

 

Negative. Its hindsight after having been with someone for an extended period of time. After awhile, the heartbreak wears out somewhat and you're able to see the "red flags."

 

In my case, I didn't screw up at all - it took me way too long to realize this. Were there some issues I could have handled better, of course (that applies to any relationship more or less). Did I do anything to deserve what happened? No, even her mother confirms this. Her mom also told me about her pattern of dumping guys without explanation - simply running off into the night.

 

GIGS applies in my case because she hooked up with a new guy 5 days into a trip she took, never called or wrote just simply vanished into thin air. The new guy has loads of money and her lifestyle changed dramatically from when we were together, its like she became a totally different person. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure she has serious abandonment issues and also an inability to handle adversity. BPD or ERS, probably - but, no, I don't know that for sure. Does GIGS make it easier to explain what happened? Maybe, but that doesn't change the facts in my case.

 

GIGS is very real, its the first time its happened to me so its not some excuse I manufacture to get closure. And I'm no frat boy.

[Nohbody]

Hey giuliano-3, was wondering where you had gotten off to.

[ScienceGal]

My Ex wanted to go be single, experience life on her own, date around, etc...

 

I understood and wished her well. I was 22 once before too, I wanted to do the same thing. There was nothing wrong with me and there was nothing wrong with my Ex. My Ex does not have a disease, there is nothing wrong with her, she does not have BPD or any other sort of disorder.

 

When have I ever said G.I.G.S. was a disease or something was wrong with the person? I also never said they had BPD or any other sort of disorder either.

 

I have said hundreds of times that G.I.G.S. is perfectly normal, healthy and a part of the whole "growing up" process. It's typically for people in the 18 - 25 year age range. It usually happens to people that enter into long term relationships in their teen / early twenties and never date around or experience life on their own.

 

Would it help if I call it a "phase" instead of a "syndrome"?

 

 

And that was me, when I left my first ex because of G.I.G.S. I was 21.