horizzon Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) I was on this forum a few months ago. Trying to recover from our previous break out. We broke up then, for about a month. His life went downhill, he became an alcoholic. Dated others for the wrong reasons. Started doing drugs again. He got a dui, his friend's called me. I ended up having to bail him out. After that we started again. we got back together in april. We have had our rough spots. It was hard at first. His friend's used to be great, but turned against me. Constantly mocked me. The relationship was 2 years. He no longer wants to be in this relationship because of this: He wants to have kids (in the future) but not marriage. I on the other hand wont have kids without marriage. So he feels that we will break up eventually. And we might as well end it now. Soo it's over. I don't have everything in my life figured out. He wants to be with someone who has the same place in his life with his beliefs. He is very against marriage. Thinks the institution is all messed up. That it plans for breaking up and the government shouldn't label us. He loves me still. And he wants to be with me. But feels it 'needs' to happen. Because it will no matter what.. Can't say if he is going to find a girl with a job and stability who wants to have his kid without marriage whatsoever. Or at least out of college. Honestly it seems like an excuse, even though he said it wasn't. I've tried talking to him. He wont back down in that we aren't meant for each other. I gave up. He isn't in exactly the most stable place. He got a dui when we last broke up. He turned into an alcoholic and druggie when i was gone. Wednesday he met with his probation officer and has a bunch of classes to take. Oh and he owes me over 2 grand. I asked him if he could give me time to figure my life out. He wont. I asked him to keep an open mind about marriage. He wont. I'm only 18, i just graduated high school and moved out. I'm beginning college next week. I don't want to think about kids, i want to think about being 18. He is 22, and cant even get a job at walmart. I sorta wanted to end things because he was pretty abusive emotionally and mentally. But i never had the guts to. I guess i want to know what is most likely going to happen. I'm trying to keep myself busy. I wonder if he will contact me. I did everything and more for him. I dont know if i will get back with him. I can only take SO much. And he has done a lot. I honestly want to die this pain is so hard. He is telling my best friend how it is for the best. I've been told by everyone that he will come back. Only that it will take him months to do so. These days that matter most he wont be here. Obviously that is a sign. Feels like if it was really love he wouldn't be this ridiculous. We don't know if we can be in a relationship for 10 years. No one does.I nearly collapsed in the shower last night. I'm a mess, and each day it gets worse. I don't know what i want. I do not want to get back into an abusive and unreliable relationship. But the urge to call him is horrible. i called him yesterday about my things. He feels he will be able to find another girl. When i was texting him beforehand about my things he kept the conversation going. Until i called him to make it shorter. He even tried to do small talk. He NEVER answers the phone if he doesn't want to talk to me. he always says if he wants to be done he would ignore me. Like in the past. He says he loves me. And he is still in love with me. He wants to be with me. But want isn't enough. He said he can't always put the person he is in love with in front of what he wants. I know i am better then him. I know all of this. My friend's aren't really the best of people you can rely on. And don't get me started about family. Oh and i am sleeping on his mattress... I'm broke, i've tried reaching out to others to do things. I would go out on my own, but we have had memories, and a lot of them. At all the places i enjoy going to. I'm not saying i want to be back with him. I love him deeply though. All i want to know is if he will come around eventually? And i wonder when that time will be. Normally i would think when a guy is pampered they do return. I want to know when it is to be expected so i am not caught off guard. I have broken all contact. No facebook, no mutual friends. No nothing. We broke up earlier this week, that info might be useful. Because i am broke, i have been smoking up a storm. As well as wandering around. I basically cling to my pillows. Why can't he just contact me and make me feel better!!! Edited August 11, 2011 by horizzon
Hp1991 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I don't get his whole approach to not getting married but wanting to have kids. What does he think he's going to tell his kids in the future? No son I don't want to get married but I wanted some kids? I read this article today and I was shocked that there were men that do this. (there are women aswell) but come on ..just to have the upper hand in the relationship doesn't mean going to the extreme and having her vulnerable. http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/i-was-forced-to-get-pregnant-2?wa=wsignin1.0 You are young. So am I . We don't need to be thinking about making babies at 18 unless we want to. And from what I can see you are starting school not chaining yourself to him...maybe he has gotten upset about that factor ?
Author horizzon Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I don't get his whole approach to not getting married but wanting to have kids. What does he think he's going to tell his kids in the future? No son I don't want to get married but I wanted some kids? I read this article today and I was shocked that there were men that do this. (there are women aswell) but come on ..just to have the upper hand in the relationship doesn't mean going to the extreme and having her vulnerable. http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/i-was-forced-to-get-pregnant-2?wa=wsignin1.0 You are young. So am I . We don't need to be thinking about making babies at 18 unless we want to. And from what I can see you are starting school not chaining yourself to him...maybe he has gotten upset about that factor ? He is starting school as well. He feels that i will meet 1000 guys who will want to date me. That i will leave him for someone better. He is paranoid. I even confronted him about it and he said yes, but also i don't want to wait on this decision and be scared for the next 3 years. He is doing it as a way to protect himself. Honestly i dont want him back. But my ego does.
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Good God girl, why are you with this guy? You sound about as well-matched as chalk and cheese. You are 18, don't settle for the first guy to come along. You have plenty of time to find someone much more suited to you.
jthorne Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 He is starting school as well. He feels that i will meet 1000 guys who will want to date me. That i will leave him for someone better. He is paranoid. I even confronted him about it and he said yes, but also i don't want to wait on this decision and be scared for the next 3 years. He is doing it as a way to protect himself. Honestly i dont want him back. But my ego does. He's right! Look at it this way... A man that can't even get a job at WalMart is not going to be able to provide well for his children and be a good role model to them. Sorry hun, but drug addicts make really crappy role models! You're young. You will find someone else. You will date and break up several times before you find the person you will settle down with, MARRY, and have children with (in that order!). Just look at it as an expensive lesson. And don't give people money that are not your relatives! Heck, even some relatives you shouldn't loan money to. I think maybe your feelings are a little hurt because he broke up with you, not the other way around. 10 years down the line, that won't matter to you one bit.
Author horizzon Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 He's right! Look at it this way... A man that can't even get a job at WalMart is not going to be able to provide well for his children and be a good role model to them. Sorry hun, but drug addicts make really crappy role models! You're young. You will find someone else. You will date and break up several times before you find the person you will settle down with, MARRY, and have children with (in that order!). Just look at it as an expensive lesson. And don't give people money that are not your relatives! Heck, even some relatives you shouldn't loan money to. I think maybe your feelings are a little hurt because he broke up with you, not the other way around. 10 years down the line, that won't matter to you one bit. I'm not really hung up about it. Since i wanted it to end. And was going to end it when i was in college. But still no one really has answered my questions.
Author horizzon Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 It seemed like he wanted to talk to me still. The other day in me saying i was returning his mattress Monday. He dragged out the conversation over text asking questions he never cares to ask normally. Usually he just says alright. I called him then to make it shorter. He even tried to do chit chat. Made a joke about me being an EX. Which killed. Today i dropped off his mattress. 2 days early then what i said. Turns out i really needed to get it OUT of my apartment. I handled it maturely. I texted him saying i was dropping off his mattress. Thanks for letting me borrow it. And i said i wish him the best. He texted back saying he isn't home (which i knew because he was in a dui class) and he won't be all day. After unloading it i replied 'We unloaded your mattress. I grabbed my things so that's out of the way. Best of luck' he texted back asking where i put it. When he obviously knows.. He knows i wouldn't drop it on the driveway. Took me an hour and a half of brain racking to reply i put it in the back of the driveway. He never replied :/ It has me down. I thought he would take the chance. I want him to try contacting me but i want to know when that will likely be? Sorry for the rant.
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