Lucky555 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 My boyfriend going on 10 months! No family introduction! I'm starting to feel like he is wasting my time. He has been with me and some family members on little trips. Everything went fine So is this a red flag?! I know families are important for both of us. Another red flag? He was checking his message on his phone and I see he is messaging other girls..."friends" and work "friends" except he is their boss! I find it inappropriate to be doing this. I want to believe I can trust him but him not involving me more in his life doesnt reflect that he and I have a future. He listens to me, we get along, and he does respond to my messages. I only see him once a week :/..do to distance and our schedules. Now I feel after 10 months why am I not staying the entire weekend with him? For instance he told me he had a family thing to go to (perfect opportunity for an introduction!) and something else. He seemed to have only a few hours to spare for me (night hours). I do not feel we are progressing!! He had no problem meeting my family. I just am feeling like we are friends with benefits. Like this weekend all he will want to do is lounge around and have sex too. Then I will go home because he has a family thing. It's like what am I doing?!! It sounds like I'm a convience to him. During the week he just acts like a friend I message. He doesn't call ever!! I think this is due to his cell plan but if he really wanted to he could. I sound like I am complaining. I just need others input on the situation. I don't want to waste my time. And still no "I love you". 10 months and I feel like a friend rather than a girl he could truely love or see a future with!
youngskywalker Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I know families are important for both of us. If his family is important to him and he sees you as an important part of his life, then he'd want you to be a part of that too. The best case scenario is he just sees you as a g/f and has no intention of ever committing to you. Worst case he's hiding something from you.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Do you love him? Have you said ILY? Have you talked to him about the way you're feeling or deepening your relationship? These things could be bad signs, or he could just be in Lazy BF mode. I don't really know. But it's up to you to assert yourself and see if you're wasting your time. He's not going to come out and say it if he sees you as a dead-end GF and is happy with the way things are.
Author Lucky555 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Do you love him? Have you said ILY? Have you talked to him about the way you're feeling or deepening your relationship? These things could be bad signs, or he could just be in Lazy BF mode. I don't really know. But it's up to you to assert yourself and see if you're wasting your time. He's not going to come out and say it if he sees you as a dead-end GF and is happy with the way things are. Well I have not said ily and I do care about him very much but I don't want to be the one who says it first since I have introduced him to people I care about, I initiate plans and sometimes I feel like i might be doing too much :/, I am showing through my actions that I care and that I see more with him. I'm also very affectionate. My bf is affectionate but Not when we are apart..like he doesn't say he misses me or anything. How do I bring up the topic or more in the relationship? I find that I have no idea how to say it without sounding like I want to get hitched tomorrow. Do I ask him how he feels about me? Shouldn't he just show it?
Cee Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think you can be direct and say, "I'd love to meet your family. Can we do this?" or "I'd like us to spend the whole weekend together. How does that sound?" Ten months is way past the walking on egg shells stage. You can tell him what you and then sit quietly and listen to his answer. Your heart will tell you what's going on. It sounds like your heart has an inkling of what your boyfriend will say. Either way, you will be okay. You'll be happier in the relationship or you'll be single and free to pursue what you want.
Author Lucky555 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I think you can be direct and say, "I'd love to meet your family. Can we do this?" or "I'd like us to spend the whole weekend together. How does that sound?" Ten months is way past the walking on egg shells stage. You can tell him what you and then sit quietly and listen to his answer. Your heart will tell you what's going on. It sounds like your heart has an inkling of what your boyfriend will say. Either way, you will be okay. You'll be happier in the relationship or you'll be single and free to pursue what you want. Well I know he sometimes has to work on the weekends. So this is a problem but I don't see why I can't wait for him at his place... I also don't want to be pushy about family meeting..I though he would do it on his own :/. He hasn't said how he feels about me and it is very concerning! I'm trying not to think of it but it hurts to not be told how he actually feels.
allina Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Have you met many of his friends? Do you feel at home at his place and he at yours? I am not one to jump to the "red flag" conclusion but all this does seem problematic. It isn't just the family thing, but also the fact that you don't spend much time together, he doesn't tell you he misses you or call you or initiate plans. You have been with him for 10 months, I think that is long enough to establish a much closer relationship than what he of offering you. I suggest having a talk so you don't waste any more time if he isn't willing to commit or give you what you need.
alphamale Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 are you sure you're not dating me? cause thats totally like my MO
Pierre Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 are you sure you're not dating me? cause thats totally like my MO I think the OP is FWB, but she has not been informed of her status. This guy is not in love with her at all.
mortensorchid Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I'm sorry to say that this guy is trying to keep it as casual as possible and doesn't want to be with you. All the things you have said indicate that he is keeping you at arm's length for a reason, and that reason is because he doesn't want to really REALLY be with you. Close the door and move on ASAP before he really hurts you more than he has/will. Don't blame yourself either. He doesn't deserve you.
allina Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Why don't you say ILY? It's not a contest about who will say it first. That's childish. Why the heck would she say ily to a guy that doesn't even act like a bf?
zengirl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Well I have not said ily and I do care about him very much but I don't want to be the one who says it first since I have introduced him to people I care about, I initiate plans and sometimes I feel like i might be doing too much :/, I am showing through my actions that I care and that I see more with him. I'm also very affectionate. My bf is affectionate but Not when we are apart..like he doesn't say he misses me or anything. How do I bring up the topic or more in the relationship? I find that I have no idea how to say it without sounding like I want to get hitched tomorrow. Do I ask him how he feels about me? Shouldn't he just show it? It sounds like you kind of know this stuff is bad. But you'll only REALLY know if you assert yourself. Cee gave some good suggestions. Start mentioning the things you want---ASK him if you can stay at his place while he works next time or ASK to meet his family. See how he reacts. At 10 months, those things are reasonable, and they're what you want. If he's not into them now, he won't be into them in another 10 months, and if it's what you want, you're just wasting your time. Don't be afraid to find out. It's better for a relationship to end than to become a dead-end.
FitChick Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Perhaps he isn't close to his family, so why would he want her to meet them?
Author Lucky555 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 Bottom line is yes he is keeping at an arms length away. This is exactly how I feel. I do not feel like putting energy into a relationship that is going no where. He is close with his family and no introduction makes me uneasy. Finding messages on his fb..and then he "quickly" scrolls past it made me uneasy.... My bf is so not acting like he wants more. He likes the company..has the sex and is happy with infrequent time spent with me since we only are seeing each other once a week. I am going to calmly see what I going on. If he isn't emotionally attached to me I do not want to continue seeing him. I feel 10 months we should be spending more time, I should be meeting those to him, and he should want to invest emotionally not just physically. Good points made and they help me a lot so thank you. I need to find out now rather than later...
youngskywalker Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Said it once but I'll say it again. This guy either has no intentions of any committed relationship with you or he is hiding something. Why is that so hard to understand? This situation has nothing to do about communication or "talk to him about it". If it makes you feel better then lay it out on the line with him. Just don't proceed hoping things will get better. 10 months is a major red flag. I can't say what the red flag is exactly, but it's there. Either dump the guy or find out what it is. I don't see any alternative. When you find out the true red flag your relationship will end. That's ok though, better men or waiting for you.
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