MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 SO as the title says....my ex and I broke up 5 months ago and 2 months later he already had a new gf...he admitted this was stupid and out of an attempt to avoid the pain. and so we've tried NC and we last 2 weeks at a time. he plays volleyball with his gf on the same team and thats his passion in life. so he works 40-50 hrs a week and plays vball 6-7 days a week. where do i fit in? well i fit in via text messages and maybe a quick 5 min hello at my door once or twice a week and an hour hang out. i know this is stupid and wrong. and we kiss. thats it. he wants to see if we fit and if his love for me is real or if its just cause he was used to me. and i want to figure out the same. problem is. i'm still so in love with him that i end up texting him all this emotional stuff and it makes him feel pressured. i dont know how to appear cool and calm if inside i am hurting. he wants me to date around and live my life and just see what can happen with us... but that doesnt make sense to me. how is he ever going to fall back in love with me if he's with her all the time? what can i do to get him back?
Treasa Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Uh, you disappear and try to get over him. If he wants you back, he wants you back. You can't make him want you back. I'm sure he knows how you feel about him. And he has another girlfriend. This is the place where you take back your dignity and walk away. If he wants you, he'll make sure to let you know.
Maroon718 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Right now he is having his caking and eating it too. He has a new gf and has you as a backup/sideline/safety net/ plan b etc. What I think you should do is completely disappear from his life and go NC. That is the only way he'll ever miss you. He will never consider getting back with you as long as he has you in his pocket. Knowing that you will still be there for him gives him comfort and reassurance. As a result, this lets him continue on with his "rebound" stress-free. Go NC and get your life back together. There's no guarantee he will come back, however you will at least make him second guess his decision which could increase your odds of him coming back.
rebeccajones Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm sorry you are going through this I went through alot hoping my ex would come back and be who he was. Ask your ex what he really wants, then decide if you can accept that. He's not who he was and you are no longer in a committed relationship with him so he can do whatever he wants now. What I'm saying is he is not concerned about making you happy. See him for who he is now not who he was. I hope that helps. I hoped for so long but I finally realized he had changed and there was nothing I could do to make him change back to how he was before. I know people do change but we can't make them.
poorguy Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Oh the power that people love to have over another. Your feeding into selfish ego. Cut him loose for a long time. He loves cake and he knows youll keep making more if he wants it!!
LovelyDaze Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 how is he ever going to fall back in love with me if he's with her all the time? what can i do to get him back? I've read your posts before and I surely don't like what you're going through at all. How is he ever going to fall back in love with you if he's with her all the time? He isn't. He isn't in love with her either. Your ex is hoping to have a steady girlfriend and one on the side and/or as a backup just in case the steady doesn't work out. He does NOT want to be alone. What is happening is not healthy and you need to distance yourself from him. What can you do to get him back? Stay away from him. No Contact works in one or both ways. The first goal is to stay away from your ex so you can heal and move on to someone who will genuinely love being with you without all of these stupid games. And yes, at times, it could bring your ex back because you gave them and yourself much needed distance to make it possible to refocus on fixing the relationship if possible. You can't do it by being his Girl Friday, giving him quick kisses, and being available to him when he wants you to be. Live your life. You deserve so much more than what you are getting. Believe it yourself.
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