captured_butterfly Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Hey guys Just need some dating advice, im completely new to the dating world, broke up with my first love/boyfriend a few months ago and im just starting to get back out there :-) I had a bank appointment last week and the guy was lovely :-) we got on realllly well chatted about all sorts of stuff, his next client was waiting and he even said to me 'i'll keep them waiting a bit, its not often i have someone come in who i actually get on with' Turns out i needed to make a follow up appointment so made one with the same guy for the following week and he said he'd ring me on the wednesday to remind me of the appointment, he didnt! Anyway been again today and once again we got on brilliantly, talked about our ex's, houses, jobs etc (we did actually sort my banking out aswell :-P) He kept dropping remarks about how nice it was to chat and stuff and naturally i said the same back. Anyway im having problems with one of my accounts and have to make another appointment when the new card comes through, and when he told me this he said 'make the appointment with me' so i said i would and that i'd look forward to another chat and off i went. Do you think he likes me or was just being nice???? This is where it confuses me :-S I know it would be reallly unprofessional to sort of ask me out while im sorting my banking but how often do ya find someone who ya have that 'spark' with??? Or was he just being friendly???? Any advice on how to get him to ask me out or de-coding the signals would be great thanx guys :-) xx
somedude81 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 That's a really hard one. I'm going to say no, unless he asks you out.
chphan Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Hey guys Just need some dating advice, im completely new to the dating world, broke up with my first love/boyfriend a few months ago and im just starting to get back out there :-) I had a bank appointment last week and the guy was lovely :-) we got on realllly well chatted about all sorts of stuff, his next client was waiting and he even said to me 'i'll keep them waiting a bit, its not often i have someone come in who i actually get on with' Turns out i needed to make a follow up appointment so made one with the same guy for the following week and he said he'd ring me on the wednesday to remind me of the appointment, he didnt! Anyway been again today and once again we got on brilliantly, talked about our ex's, houses, jobs etc (we did actually sort my banking out aswell :-P) He kept dropping remarks about how nice it was to chat and stuff and naturally i said the same back. Anyway im having problems with one of my accounts and have to make another appointment when the new card comes through, and when he told me this he said 'make the appointment with me' so i said i would and that i'd look forward to another chat and off i went. Do you think he likes me or was just being nice???? This is where it confuses me :-S I know it would be reallly unprofessional to sort of ask me out while im sorting my banking but how often do ya find someone who ya have that 'spark' with??? Or was he just being friendly???? Any advice on how to get him to ask me out or de-coding the signals would be great thanx guys :-) xx Yeah I would leave it alone or else you make the same mistake I did. LOL. It's his job to be nice to clients period and to be friendly. He does that to all his clients including you. Don't try and read something there simply because you want something there between you and him or else you have egg on your face.
rightfield Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 The bank may have a rule that prohibits him from asking a customer out. Even if there is no rule like that, if he asks, and you are offended in some way, a complaint could be bad news for him. He's in a tough spot. For him, asking you out may be risky. If you are really interested, I think you should ask him if he would like to have lunch with you sometime. Go for it. Don't walk away and be left to wonder about what might have been.
rightfield Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Yeah I would leave it alone or else you make the same mistake I did. LOL. It's his job to be nice to clients period and to be friendly. He does that to all his clients including you. Don't try and read something there simply because you want something there between you and him or else you have egg on your face. I disagree completely. Play to WIN! Don't play to "keep from losing." If he declines, hold your head high and know that you gave it a shot.
chphan Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I disagree completely. Play to WIN! Don't play to "keep from losing." If he declines, hold your head high and know that you gave it a shot. I'm still trying to rub off the egg on my face from my experience. "Oh I'm very flattered but honestly I can't remember you or any of our conversations at all since I talked to alot of clients in the last year.":lmao: Not even one coversations with me. She doesn't even remember me complimenting her on how she looked. And I've been talking and seeing her in the same bank for a year. Oh well least she's not there anymore for me to feel even worst. LOL. The whole "smile, and hey I been noticing you keep coming on this exact same day alot" ,ect, ect is just another of her lines she uses as her job to be nice to clients and friendly. I'm more upset with myself in wanting to believe something was there simply because I wanted it to be there when back of my head I kind of knew she was just doing her job.
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 i find it hilarious that people like chphan can't get over their insecurity and then bemoan others who do the same thing. captured, if you do nothing, nothing will happen. if you ask him out and he declines, you also get...nothing. so there's a for sure nothing and a maybe nothing. which one has more promise? this isn't rocket science. if going after what you want is a 'mistake' you're going to have a very unsatisfying life.
chphan Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 i find it hilarious that people like chphan can't get over their insecurity and then bemoan others who do the same thing. Hey I'm not bemoaning anyone. The OP ask for advice and I gave her my side of the coin. What? We should all say to just go for it because she wants to hear that? I never even said for her to not go for it. Just giving her a realistic view point of the other side that he is being nice and friendly to her because it's his job. I just use my own experience as an example, nothing more. If OP wants to go for than go for it, I don't care either way.
Author captured_butterfly Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Thanx guys for all the messages :-) Not sure what to do lol Think i'll see after the next meeting in a couple of weeks goes, i sure as hell wont ask him out cos im too shy lol But we'll see, if nothing happens, nothing happens and it abviously wasnt meant to be :-) I do appreciate your input chphan and i am now thinking if he was just being overly friendly cos its his job but i think talking bout ex's and houses and where ya live and stuff is going above and beyond just friendly?? But im trying not to read to much into it and going with the flow Best thing to do i guess :-)
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 how hard is it to ask him if he wants to go out for lunch or a drink sometime? it's one sentence. if nothing happens, it's because you didn't make it happen. you are choosing to fail.
Author captured_butterfly Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 I know but im sooo shy, im scared lol I know that sounds pathetic at 24yrs old to say that but i am! I know i should try, maybe i'll drop some subtle hints or something???
Professor X Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 i sure as hell wont ask him out cos im too shy lol But we'll see, if nothing happens, nothing happens and it abviously wasnt meant to be :-) This reminds me of a joke: Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help. He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win. Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’ Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck. Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself: ‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket already!.’
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I know but im sooo shy, im scared lol I know that sounds pathetic at 24yrs old to say that but i am! I know i should try, maybe i'll drop some subtle hints or something??? it's not hard. as you're getting up to leave next time you have an appointment with him, just say "hey you wanna meet up with me for lunch or dinner sometime?" you're gonna be leaving immediately afterward anyway. if he says no, just tell him to call if he ever changes his mind. if he says yes, tell him to call you and let you know when is a good time for him and you've put the ball right back in his court so you can let him take over from there. like i said, it's one sentence. it won't kill you. as i've been posting over and over, stable confident men are attracted to stable confident women just as the reverse is true. if he's as good a catch as you think he is he will see you asking him as a sign of confidence on your part and think more of you for it.
rightfield Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 how hard is it to ask him if he wants to go out for lunch or a drink sometime? it's one sentence. if nothing happens, it's because you didn't make it happen. you are choosing to fail. He's right butterfly. Since you're a girl, you can get away with being shy, but don't let it hold you back. How about this. Write him a note or card, and just say you enjoyed meeting him and would like to see him sometime, blah, blah, whatever. Take the card with you on your next visit, and if he doesn't ask you out, just before you leave, pull out the card and slide it across the desk. Smile and walk away.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 He's probably just being friendly. I'd flirt with him or try to see if he was interested in grabbing a drink sometime if I were single, interested, and looking. But you could certainly hear that he's not interested, in a relationship, gay, whatever. . . But men never seem to mind it when a woman expresses interest. So just be okay with the outcome however.
eerie_reverie Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I asked my bf out with no indication he was interested. I encourage you to do the same! The worst that can happen is he will nicely offer up an excuse.
Bgirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I just HAD TO reply to this post! Something similar happened to me last summer.. exactly the same situation. I go to the bank and this cute guy was the only advisor available, so I go into his office and we talked for hours.. even forgot that we had to do business. This continued on for weeks, same EXACT, scenario, he would call me to follow up appoinments, ask me to make appoinments with him, we would talk for hours in his office.. sparks flying all over. Well the climax of my story is that it was too obvious that we liked each other so he eventually said " Since you are my client, I will have to transfer your account to someone else and I will add you on FB" I couldnt have been happier! Coz I liked the guy. He added me on fb, we dated for 3 wonderful weeks, short I know, but it was full of passion and you know what.... To not make the story any longer... It ended up a mess! We broke up in the most horrible terms.. because he kept on controlling my bank accounts and invading my privacy.. he had a hard time to let go of my accounts and would always get upet if I wouldnt ask him for advise and would go to someone else. The case ended up with management. A nightmare, I don't want to go into details but it was as nightmare and I had to switch banks..!! So my advice to you from someone who has been there , is just take it for what it is now, he could be friendly, he could like you but he knows that asking a client out would get him in trouble (like my case) but for now just let it be. If you guys do go out PLEASE have an initial conversation with him about keeping finances separate from personal, it's weird to have the person you are dating know how much you have in your bank account!
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