jamielynn7 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm with an amazing guy that loves me and I love (we've been together for more than a year now) but I am still obsessed with a breakup from almost 3 years ago. I don't want the person back, I'm not obsessed with that aspect, I'm just still upset with my actions. The break-up changed my life DRAMATICALLY, derailed all of my life plans, granted I'm still young but I feel like I ruined my life and I don't know how to get over it. I'm stuck and feel immense guilt for thinking about the ex, but its not being with him... Its wishing that everything had never happened or that I had been able to deal with it in a different manner. I'm frustrated and have done EVERYTHING they tell you to... anyone have advice other than "stay busy" and "get out there"... I already do/have done both haha.
Edition Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 This is something I'm struggling with right now, except I'm currently not seeing anyone at the moment. My relationship with my last girlfriend was certainly an eye-opener for me. I saw so many things that just went plain wrong, and I take the full responsibility for what happened because as a man, I feel that it's my duty to be a leader in the relationship, and I clearly wasn't doing that. I sometimes get these INTENSE feelings of "If I could just have another chance, I could prove to her that things will be different and I can fix all the things that happened". But over time, I realized that it wasn't so much proving to her these things, it was to prove to MYSELF that I can be a far better boyfriend to the next girl I'm with. Taking responsibility for my actions is what drives me to become a better person. I know it's hard to want to correct the situation you were in, but you know that isn't possible anymore. Instead, try to focus your energies on making sure that the mistakes that happened in your last relationship don't happen now. Thinking about your ex is just going to make you frustrated and flustered; instead, think about the actions and focus on that instead.
Adi Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Hi feel real similar, sometimes humans can just see or feel to much bad stuff, and it makes you hard i think and really changes how you think and feel. My ex ex fin with me after five years, it took me 2 months to move on, but my ex i loved lots and she loved me, but she become ill with depression and really did some crazy things, a year and a half later, im still finding it hard to be with girls, it really has scared me. The thing i am thinking of trying is Hypnosis, too smooth out the deep scares. Also dont forget the more you think of something, the brain does acualy, begin to ingrave that thought or thought process in your head. I was in the Army for a few years and i saw conflict, they say in all big wars you can tell who has been there a while. It called a war glaze, they have seen and felt things that changes you. Im not surgesting breaking up is like going to war, but post trumatic stress can affect you if what you went thouhg was trumatic. The person that started this thread i would like you to contact me and keep me informed, i may not have explain thing well on here, but you are feeling the same has me, and i to am looking for a solution.
Bubby Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Hi, keep writing on this site about your feelings and what is happening. The problems with feelings is that they won't go into nice neat packages and do as they are told. Age is no barrier to this. Have you allowed yourself to deal with the fallout you described from the previous relationship ? It sounds as if you have alot of regret and somewhere in your grieving process you got stuck. Some relationships for some reason become entangled like a persian cat's fur and it takes time and care to unravel your part in this. I don't know your story but is there part of this where you were dealing with a lot of fear and you became overwhelmed with it ? Maybe take the time to talk to someone such as a counsellor. The thing with this is that you have a sounding board and you can talk quietly and confidentially about you without everyone else telling you what to do. Just putting your feelings aside is not helping you. If anything it causing you more problems. Keep us posted and some where along the way something someone writes in response to your posts will bring clarity for you. It has helped me tremendously. Its:) like keeping a journal but with support and suggestions.
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