HurtZ Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) ok, so here is the problem, please help I’ve loved this guy forever, but we stopped talking for a few months and I moved away to a different state. About 4-5 months ago, he started calling me and stuff and we started talking over the phone again pretty regularly. Well, I moved back to the state he is in and we saw each other a couple weeks ago and I foolishly slept with him again the first time after not seeing him for a year. After that, he has called me but when I confront him about getting together he gives me excuses. The first was that he was working extra long hours and was tired and wasn’t used to it, then he was helping his parents with stuff, then he was doing something with his guy friends. Well, anyway—last night I sent him a text “What are you doing?” Hoping he would want to do something. He texts me back he was having drinks with people from work then going to watch the game. dunno what happened but I freaked out on him in text messages, said all this stuff that I have been keeping to myself. He said he was sorry and asked why I was raging? I explained I wasn’t raging that I was upset and told him why…well, he hasn’t text me back after I apologized for freaking out. Did I scare him away? If so, how can I get him back again? I really love him…I’ve just been hurt it’s been over 2 weeks and haven’t seen him since. Also, when we met at the bar that night for the first time, he grabbed me and kissed me as soon as he saw me, I was so happy that night, now this. Also, I know for a fact he isnt seeing someone else. Advice please.. thank you. Edited August 11, 2011 by HurtZ formatting
Professor X Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Did I scare him away? If so, how can I get him back again? I really love him…I’ve just been hurt it’s been over 2 weeks and haven’t seen him since. Also, when we met at the bar that night for the first time, he grabbed me and kissed me as soon as he saw me, I was so happy that night, now this. Also, I know for a fact he isnt seeing someone else. Advice please.. thank you. If you scared him away? Most likely... You came way to strong him with all your emotional stuff. And how to get him back? Do nothing. Leave him a lone. Your best bet would be to do the same thing you did in the past, which is not to speak to him until he contacts you and hope that he will come back to you again in the future. Do keep in mind though that there's a strong possibility that he used you just for sex. And the moment you gave it to him + you started to go all emo as well was the moment he decided he had enough already. Just don't get your hopes to to high with this one; Try and focus on yourself.
Author HurtZ Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Thanks, I guess deep down I know I have to quit loving him and just move on, and I was there at one point—we started talking again and it got my hopes up for us. The fact he calls me and texts me led me to believe that he didn’t just use me, but I couldn’t stand it when he said he was out with his friends and hasn’t bothered to ask me out anywhere so I kinda lost it I told him to leave me alone if he doesn’t really care and haven’t heard from him since, even though I regret saying that to him because I don’t want him to leave me alone, but haven’t heard from him since. Maybe I need some professional help, I’ve loved him too long to go on like this…thank you for your insight.
Author HurtZ Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 also, I know you said that he decided he had enough with all the emotional stuff…but what did he expect sleeping with a girl then never bothering to see her again? Women are emotional and I hate how people always say well guys don’t like emotions…its really irritating.
Professor X Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 also, I know you said that he decided he had enough with all the emotional stuff…but what did he expect sleeping with a girl then never bothering to see her again? Women are emotional and I hate how people always say well guys don’t like emotions…its really irritating. He expected sex, and he got it. That heavy emotions you brought to table probably helped you a bit because there was a chance he'd might have just stick around for longer to have more sex (FWB). Do mind that if it's the case, he never wanted you as a person, he just wanted your vagina. So don't go all thinking "Oh, next time I will just keep things bottled up in hopes that he MAYBE fall for me" - this NEVER worked, for anyone, ever. So don't try! If you think you need therapy, than go for it. But with all honesty, the best medicine for a broken heart is time. You said you already did move on at some point, that means you can do it again. My advice for you to just go no contact with him, if he calls, don't answer, if he emails, delete without reading, etc etc... It's been 2 weeks since you last heard of him... I doubt he's just "afraid" or just "thought things through" or whatever rubbish that might come. Sorry HurtZ, but life goes on! So cheer up
DuskCrush Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) Well, I think the fact that he called you while you lived in another state shows that he does care about you. However relationships are tricky...it's that whole push/pull thing. His interest in you has dropped now that uve slept with him. I think he thinks ull call him and chase him now because your hormones are helter skelter and thats why he isnt calling you. If you want him to get back interested, I suggest you 1) Do not call or text or reach out to him in anyway. You really need to counteract the emotional episode you have by seeming emotionaly detached. If he tries to call you dont pick up or respond immediately. Just come on here and make a thread. 2) go out and have some fun. 3) Starting talking to a new guy If he doesnt contact you soon....dont worry he will eventually....there is like an 80 percent probably in my opinion. It might take a while though....he might be waiting to see that your bluffing about wantin him to leave you alone. Make him think it's true and he'll want you back Edited August 11, 2011 by DuskCrush
Author HurtZ Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Thanks, appreciate the advice and insight. Tonight was the worst , I literally had to have a crazy crying fit and force myself not to contact him based on what you two told me. I wanted to call and apologize over the phone instead of text but both of you were pretty adamant not to contact him so I didn't. The thing is, I don't think he has a lot of experience with women or relationships. He said his last gf was like 4 years ago...so I was just giving him some leeway in that regards, but really, I feel as if a man likes you whether you sleep with him or not he'll want to see you soon after. The sad part is how much effort I've put into this whole mess. And that I let my guard down again after I finally was over him. I dunno if he'll ever call me again, but I'm not going to think about it. I really thought we had something special because we've talked for so long and always continue to do so, it sucks that he is acting this way because I would have done anything for him but he is slowly making me fall out of love with him because of how he treats me and my love. Yet , I still have it so that is the integrity of my love for which I guess I shouldn't be ashamed. It's not like I was even asking to have a heavy relationship. I would have been happy just hanging out once or twice a week. But two weeks and not seeing me for so long? I just can't take it...it sucks. another point I wanted to make was that when I freaked out on him last night he txt me :"wow, I didn't even say I didn't want to see you tonight" and I read it to say "I didn't say I was going to see you tonight" so then I freaked out more...I probably could have been hanging out with him tonight if I didn't say those things and for that I feel horrible. Edited August 12, 2011 by HurtZ
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