SoleMate Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I have the ability to terminate her employment, is this the best thing to do? Right now I'm having a tough time working with her and not talking much. We're not keeping in contact like we used to. However, I think about her all the time and it tears me up. Will I get to feeling better about working with her or should she just go completely. The other thing is that she has been my best employee and is great with everyone and good for business. Also, it's not like she some young hot thing. We're both just regular 30 somethings. The fact that she is just "regular" and "30 something" as opposed to "young and hot" does NOT make it any more acceptable for you to fire her because of your feelings. She is your best employee and it is clear that any termination would be retaliatory. It is both ILLEGAL and SLEAZY for you to even consider firing her because of YOUR problems dealing with YOUR feelings about YOUR ill-advised and unfaithful actions. Also, if you truly love your secretary, how on earth can you consider firing her to save your own ass? That is NOT love. So, I suggest you do not actually love your secretary. You just love boinking her. Sorry, but look in the mirror, it's clear as day. My advice is to end the affair and start being honest with yourself. I do not for a minute believe that you're "staying because of the kids". You spent ZERO time explaining how it would be better for your kids to live in an unfaithful household, run by two parents, one of whom is grossly mistreating the other. You don't leave, because the marriage is comfy on many levels. So admit it. To others reading, who may someday consider a workplace affair, please consider how easily this supposedly loving AP/MM can consider firing his AP. It would not at all surprise me if the firing would result in her also being outed to her H (by the doctor, the doctor's W, or even the secy's H asking, "Why did Dr. X fire you since he has always thought do highly of you?"). So her job and BF would be gone and her M would be in jeopardy.
SoleMate Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 If you would like the secy to be gone, so you can work on your M, then you do not have to wait for her to sue you. Instead, with the aid of an employment lawyer, you can offer her a fair settlement to leave voluntarily. It may be in the range of 1-2 years' salary, but all in all, it's probably a great deal.
Oregon native Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Consider the source of a lot of this advice, many are burned, bitter wives/husbands whose own spouses cheated on them. some are so bitter that years later they are still wishing death on their spouses. Knowing that, the advice they will tend to give is biased towards YOUR WIFE and what they would have liked happen to them. They are vicariously punishing you, and are merciless... Protect yourself, your assets, be fair but keep in mind no-one will look after you. Ignore a lot of the insults. Protect yourself. Try to work it out with your wife if you or she wants to... Admit NOTHING.. Stay calm, stay cool, think everything through with a lawyer if necessary. No way, u sound like u wanna run around in circles for ever. Very manipulative. Typically people that have been lied to recognize that the truth would have been freeing and appropriate for everyone involved. It really has nothing to do with punishing anyone from afar over a similar role they played. It is about taking responsibility for your own actions and facing what you create. Same as in the workplace or every other area of your life. If taking responsibility for your actions feels like punishment, that's a sure sign that your actions are really screwing you. Very true
bentnotbroken Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It takes a man to man up anyway. Don't tell anyone the truth, since lying to yourself got you in this mess anyway. If you can't tell yourself the truth, you sure can't tell it to anyone else.
KathyM Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 The people on this thread who are suggesting firing the chick are giving really bad advice. Three things can/will happen -- a) she will sue you, b) she will tell your wife what's going on, c) everyone in the office will start wondering why the best employee was suddenly fired and catch on as to what's going on. Not true. The secretary has just as much to lose by the affair being made public than the MM has. She's not going to go public with it. No reason needs to be told to office people as to why she is leaving. He has the power to let her go. Since she is married with children, I seriously doubt she's going to start a lawsuit and have her family made aware of the whole ordeal and put them through a trial where her moral character is going to be publicly discussed at trial.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Not true. The secretary has just as much to lose by the affair being made public than the MM has. She's not going to go public with it. No reason needs to be told to office people as to why she is leaving. He has the power to let her go. Since she is married with children, I seriously doubt she's going to start a lawsuit and have her family made aware of the whole ordeal and put them through a trial where her moral character is going to be publicly discussed at trial. ...Good point.... Risk vs Reward.......
Author dr25550 Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Here is an update. I talked with the sec for about an hour after I posted this forum. I told her about everything and how I felt uncomfortable working with her the last few weeks. As of now we have kind of worked things out and cooling off with each other. Still going to remain friends but I guess we'll just have to see how that goes. I felt a lot better after we talked. I'm just trying to tell myself that what I'm feeling is not true or made up. This is the first time I've done anything like this and I believe it's going to be the last. Thought I could play it cool but I'm not the cool type of guy I guess. I still think I'm in love with her. Just hope these feeling go away soon. Everyone thanks for the advice. I really appreciate hearing all the different opinions.
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