devildog88 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I am 37 yrs old, she is 31. We were in a relationship for over a year and a half. It was a fast relationship, we had our arguments and disagreements, but it was never over the usual fights that you hear about. This was basically fights over me getting on her nerves.. Crazy I know. Now to the point. She broke things off with me a little over four months ago, saying we just did not mesh well. I moved out, and started doing my own thing. I made the mistake of begging for her back, bad text, bad emails, and bad phone calls... Well after chilling for a bit, she started coming around texting and talking again.. Here we go again.. Lasted about a month. Great times.. She was making plans for us in the future. Like living together again, having a home together. Just general plans. This lasted a month. Then out of nowhere starts ignoring me again... Ok.. So I let her be, just did not call or talk till she was ready. Well, I could not help, two weeks later I text her, how is she. She said ok, and that she was about to do the same.. We get back together, and this time it last for about two months, same plans and all that jazz, then guess what happens? Yup, starts ignoring me out of nowhere. So, again I do the stay out of sight thing and remain silent. So I get a text, asking if I wanted to come over, what do I do? duh, I go over there... Here we go.. This has happened more than I like to admit. Her biggest argument is that we were never "officially back together" ok. I guess my thing is, I do love her. I was not a super "nice guy" but did show I cared. She is introvert, I am extrovert, and have had to learn when to back off and not smother her... She just started a great career, and is very focused on it. She says she doesn't have time for a relationship. But then calls or comes over for "booty call" Also has got me so involved in her family, that they don't even know if we are together or not... very confusing. She left my clothes with her brother, in a bag. Guess she got tired of looking at. This last time she started ignoring me, she had went out of town for weekend... Came back on sunday, had text, called and even sent pics of her all weekend, and monday was the start of the ignoring game. The "i need me time". I gave that to her... one text every two days, and this lasted two weeks with no replies.. here we are... heart broke yes. confused yes. Is there a real, honest chance I can have her in my life again? Btw have heard and read all the following, get over her dude, it its meant to be it will be, move on, all the things you can find on here... I want honest true help here folks...
TheHurtProcess Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 To be honest... Yes, there's always a chance that it could eventually work out. The question you have to ask yourself is... How long are you willing to go through the same routine of getting back together (unofficially as she calls it) and then having her ignore you before you get tired of being stepped all over? I had the same thing happen to me a few times. We'd start talking again after a couple weeks of her ignoring me, then out of nowhere she's get in contact with me again. Then within a week or so, she'd be back to ignoring me all over again. The last time this happened, her and I had a really great week together. She called me out of nowhere on a Tuesday and by that Friday she was back to ignoring me again. I never initiate anything. Then about a month later she sends me a message via Facebook and I just ignored it. A few weeks later her phone accidentally dials my number a few times. I just sent her a quick text saying "dude, your phone keeps calling me randomly and sh*t", or something along those lines. She took it as an open invitation to try to hold a conversation. She sends me a few texts back and after a few very short one word replies (For example, she mentioned that she saw some pictures of me on Facebook and thought I looked good with blonde hair since I just dyed it. All I sent in return was "Thx".) she gives up finally. A few days ago she sent me another text asking how I was doing. This time I replied and we've been hanging out non-stop the past few days. I told her that this is the very last time I'm willing to deal with her ignoring/running away BS. I'm done if this happens again. History has a tenancy of repeating itself. I'm thinking that you need to do as I did and perhaps reverse the rolls and turn the tables 180 degrees to give her a taste of her own medicine. If she comes running back, you need to have a talk with her and let her know that it's the very last time you're willing to play her games. The next time she chooses to ignore you and decides to get in contact with you again you need to ignore her. Let her know what it feels like to be ignored by the person you care about most. After a few weeks to a month you might just see some decent results... or you won't see nothing and perhaps it's best to just call it quits. Sometimes its just not worth all the stress you put yourself through. The main issue is that you're making yourself readily available for her to come back to after she's been ignoring you countless times. Don't make yourself readily available immediately at her will. You're leaving yourseld open to be walked all over and taken advantage of. She knows that you're going to be there when she wants you and that is all she needs. It's a very self-centered, disloyal world out there bro. Anyways, I'll check back up on ya later today. Let me know if you have any questions, comments or concerns. Until then, take care bro. Perhaps you need to
piatch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 hi devildog Seems like we've been going through similar hellish existences for the same amount of time. Are you as fed up with it all as me? But just cant let it go? Seriously, we both know that this is going no where. She wont change and why the heck should you have to totally re-invent yourself. Havent you bent over to please her enough? And whats with the silent treatment? That cuts me deep. All I ever ask is that Im kept in the feeling loop...that way I know what Im dealing with. My on/off bf thinks its acceptable just to ignore me then text me when he wants/needs something. Thing is Im stupid enough to let him treat me this way at the total detriment of myself. I dont think you want to be up and down like this. You need, as we all do, some sort of stability. I dont think she is the girl to give you this. I think you know this deep down, as painful as it is. x
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 It seems to me that with all the chances you guys have had.. breaking up and getting back together....that is falls into the category of somtimes things just don't work out.. for whatever reason... It wasn't from lack of trying but it seems you both just need to go separate ways.. If one day after you have had other relationships and are over one another maybe you might be able to try again.. trying again now without allowing both of you to grow via other relationships will just mean a repeat..
Author devildog88 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 great advice.. very much appreciated. course there is always a "but what if" and I am sure you know that my "but what if" will be about her actually making contact again. I mean maybe i am over analysing here, I spend alot of time and effort getting stoked up and courage to really disregard her contacting me again, you know figuring out what I will say or not say. Analyze how she will react. just to see that day never comes. True enough alot of people say they do. alot of people say they don't. every situation is different. I get that. my point is, I was loyal to her. Never lyed, cheated, or was out for just me. She had trust issues cause of douche bag lazy cheating ex bf's, but none of which I can honestly say I was like. It was almost like she expects me to be that way at times, and when I am not, then it just isn't possible. She spends alot of time trying to prove that I am a douche bag.. Just nothing to support. lol, this love thing is alot like chess to me, trying to figure out what their next move will be, anticipating a counter.. sucks... Have made many mistakes on this one, went to mutual friends, and of course family members just trying to get advice or answers... btw that never works in anyones favor I believe. I hate this because I really don't know what is going to happen.. I wrote a letter last friday, again pleading and say sorry.. Then again monday sent fb message saying i sent a letter to her, lol...looking back that might have been a lil on retarded side.. lol.. then yesterday i sent another fb message, saying I was done with the yo-yo stuff... no reply to anything, but before I had actually sent letter, she had left my things at her brothers house.. won't see me face to face... I text a few remarks about that, and she was not very, uh eager to fight? she replied with "ok" and that was that.. I like your advice, lots of others that I have read have been really negative, and for me I feel as if this woman is the one, truly...
Author devildog88 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 maybe a lil immature in my thinking, but if she was really truly over and done, would she really feel the need to keep pictures of me in her fb? or even keep the ring I bought her, or any of the other items... Seems lame I know, but those things were givin out of love for her, won't she be reminded of me with those things??
lymtal1 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Not meaning to be negative at all but it seems to me that you are having to work too hard to be happy in your life given the situation. Are you happy? My guess is that your answer will be you are not given how the relationship is going. Figure out what will make you happy in it and try to make that happen once and for all. If what you want can't be realized give yourself credit for doing everything you can but then know that it may not be in the cards. But put a limit on time that you will try and once you get there know that time might be up. IMHO you can't keep going on like this or with all this drama you will go crazy. And this is coming from a hopeless romantic so I feel your pain.
Author devildog88 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 I was happy in the relationship, when it was there... lol.. Like I stated, I finally sent her a fb message yesterday.. Not a I want you back, pityfull poor me, I love you, I miss you letter.. Basically it was a letter of, being tired of being ignored. She either loves me or doesn't.. Either way stop putting me through the Yo-Yo cycle.. Course I got no reply.. Today however I did get a text. Some mail that came to her house today for me.. Have not replied to text. And well, my give a sh*tter is broke.. don't know if it was really something she felt was important to tell me, or if she was just testing to see if i would jump on text.. Either way, I laid out what I want in email. And until I see some sort of change, big change in that direction, I won't be playing into this game. I want her in my life, but I won't be doormat anymore...
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