Dating & Relationship Experiences - Where They Have Led My Life

[Hockster]

Hi there and thanks for taking a look at my post . My name's John, I'm 32 and live in the UK. I stumbled across this website while searching Google for something along the lines of the topic I'm posting about here today and thought, "Hey, it may be worth joining and posting something on my topic to see how the discussion develops". So I'm hoping I learn something here and also get some valuable input from some people…

 

So, my opening statement surrounding my post really is… I'm 32, I've been single for several years now and I'm now at the point where I have decided that I'm totally sworn off women. I'd like to hear from other guys that have done the same either successfully or not. I'd also like to hear from anyone else that has an opinion.

 

So why have I sworn off women ? Well there are several reasons and each reason relates to a different part of my life to date. First off, previous experience… I said I've been single for a number of years now but I did have a few relationships in my twenties. None of them went well, with the woman always dumping me when, to be quite frank, it didn’t go her way. This kind of set me off on a learning curve that was beginning to indicate that if you want a woman, it's their rules, their way and totally on their terms . During this time, these women had used me for money and days/nights out. I had been cheated on by one and lied to by another with regards to being pregnant . My trust was seriously damaged. People were telling me that "Not every woman is like that" but quite literally, they were!

 

The second aspect of my decision would relate to dating in my late twenties and very early thirties. I'd had a few years away from dating following my previous experiences and decided that perhaps now I was a little older, I would maybe stand a chance of meeting a different type of woman. I went down the routes of nights out in clubs and bars and also balanced that with internet dating to try to meet soemone. As I mentioned, I thought I would meet a more 'grown up' type of woman. I was wrong unfortunately. I was finding I met a type of woman that was just as bad as I was meeting previously, but with an added element of generally being either a single mum, very picky or even more so out to get whatever they can from a man. This subsequently put me off dating completely and this was the last time I attempted to date, aged 31.

 

My third and final element is that, now aged 32, I've had a fair bit of success in my life both in terms of career and personal development . I own my own house and car and earn an above average salary. My current state of mind is that I've done all of this by myself, so why do I want a woman to share it with? The answer is, I don't. Additionally, given my previous experiences, I know that this success would now (probably) make me more attractive to women, as they see it as something they can walk straight into. My take is that if I wasn't good enough before, I am still the same person despite this success, so I won't be good enough now. Also, I'm never quite sure why women expect to walk into a mans life and reap the benefits of everything he's worked hard to get, when quite often these women have very little themselves (I know very few single women that own their own home). I sometimes even get the impression that they feel they can 'put out' and just get what they want. It doesn't work with me.

 

So, that's my story in a very very brief summary. My key point is… Do any other guys feel this way and have made this decision? I'd also be interested to discuss why women behave the way they do toward men. Clearly, in my case, the way they have behaved as a collective has put me off them for life. I no longer trust or want to be with any woman as I just presume there's an underlying motive. Yet women still expect guys to chase them, even though they give the majority of men a very confusing hard time. I no longer feel women are that special such that they should be pursued. You also hear so many women say there are no nice guys but arguably, the lack of availability of nice guys is their own doing. I'm just interested to hear any thoughts or comments from anyone that can give some input. Personally, as I said, I have totally lost faith in and given up on women and there will definitely never be any changing that. Ironically, in giving me such a rough deal, women have helped me to shape a pretty decent life for myself that doesn’t include them. This is a topic I'm still very interested in though because I'm sure I'm not the only person to have these experiences of women and relationships. Thanks for reading.

Edited August 11, 2011 by Hockster

[Sanman]

Hey John,

 

I'm sure a number of guys here will chime in with similar stories. I know I have been through my share of less than honest and upstanding women. I don't think swearing off a woman if necessary. However, you can date smarter. As you may read in another thread, I prefer to go dutch with women on dates and in the beginning of a relationship. This tends to weed out some of the women who like me for title and salary. Additionally, there is no reason not to look for an equal. Find a woman who does own a home or have stable finances at least. You just need to make those issues a deal breaker. I might also suggest trying other means of meeting women. Church groups if you are religious, volunteer groups are very good (habitat for humanity and such). I generally find people that volunteer their time regularly or work toward bettering society have a less materialistic view of dating (others may disagree). I find bars and clubs to be a poor place to look for women in general. Also, take time getting to know the woman. Many women want to move quickly. Those that take the time to get to know you are likely more serious about a relationship. My last piece of advice is do not discount women who are not your physical ideal immediately. As long as they have the non-physical qualities you are looking for get to know that and see if an attraction grows. I know these type of women are out there because I am currently in a relationship with one. Just a few of my thoughts. Good luck to you.

[KathyM]

Hi there and thanks for taking a look at my post . My name's John, I'm 32 and live in the UK. I stumbled across this website while searching Google for something along the lines of the topic I'm posting about here today and thought, "Hey, it may be worth joining and posting something on my topic to see how the discussion develops". So I'm hoping I learn something here and also get some valuable input from some people…

 

So, my opening statement surrounding my post really is… I'm 32, I've been single for several years now and I'm now at the point where I have decided that I'm totally sworn off women. I'd like to hear from other guys that have done the same either successfully or not. I'd also like to hear from anyone else that has an opinion.

 

So why have I sworn off women ? Well there are several reasons and each reason relates to a different part of my life to date. First off, previous experience… I said I've been single for a number of years now but I did have a few relationships in my twenties. None of them went well, with the woman always dumping me when, to be quite frank, it didn’t go her way. This kind of set me off on a learning curve that was beginning to indicate that if you want a woman, it's their rules, their way and totally on their terms . During this time, these women had used me for money and days/nights out. I had been cheated on by one and lied to by another with regards to being pregnant . My trust was seriously damaged. People were telling me that "Not every woman is like that" but quite literally, they were!

 

The second aspect of my decision would relate to dating in my late twenties and very early thirties. I'd had a few years away from dating following my previous experiences and decided that perhaps now I was a little older, I would maybe stand a chance of meeting a different type of woman. I went down the routes of nights out in clubs and bars and also balanced that with internet dating to try to meet soemone. As I mentioned, I thought I would meet a more 'grown up' type of woman. I was wrong unfortunately. I was finding I met a type of woman that was just as bad as I was meeting previously, but with an added element of generally being either a single mum, very picky or even more so out to get whatever they can from a man. This subsequently put me off dating completely and this was the last time I attempted to date, aged 31.

 

My third and final element is that, now aged 32, I've had a fair bit of success in my life both in terms of career and personal development . I own my own house and car and earn an above average salary. My current state of mind is that I've done all of this by myself, so why do I want a woman to share it with? The answer is, I don't. Additionally, given my previous experiences, I know that this success would now (probably) make me more attractive to women, as they see it as something they can walk straight into. My take is that if I wasn't good enough before, I am still the same person despite this success, so I won't be good enough now. Also, I'm never quite sure why women expect to walk into a mans life and reap the benefits of everything he's worked hard to get, when quite often these women have very little themselves (I know very few single women that own their own home). I sometimes even get the impression that they feel they can 'put out' and just get what they want. It doesn't work with me.

 

So, that's my story in a very very brief summary. My key point is… Do any other guys feel this way and have made this decision? I'd also be interested to discuss why women behave the way they do toward men. Clearly, in my case, the way they have behaved as a collective has put me off them for life. I no longer trust or want to be with any woman as I just presume there's an underlying motive. Yet women still expect guys to chase them, even though they give the majority of men a very confusing hard time. I no longer feel women are that special such that they should be pursued. You also hear so many women say there are no nice guys but arguably, the lack of availability of nice guys is their own doing. I'm just interested to hear any thoughts or comments from anyone that can give some input. Personally, as I said, I have totally lost faith in and given up on women and there will definitely never be any changing that. Ironically, in giving me such a rough deal, women have helped me to shape a pretty decent life for myself that doesn’t include them. This is a topic I'm still very interested in though because I'm sure I'm not the only person to have these experiences of women and relationships. Thanks for reading.

You said the lack of availability of nice guys is a woman's own doing. I take it you mean that a woman's negative aspects causes nice guys to not be so nice. I'm wondering if the same could be said for you. Is it possible that the lack of available nice women is due to your own doing? Maybe they're picking up on some negative aspect about you. You come across as a bit paranoid when it comes to women. Afraid they are going to take advantage of you or something. Are you generous to them with your time, your emotions, your attention and your assets (i.e., taking them on nice dates, giving them tokens of your affection, etc.)? You come across as a little selfish when you say the women always seem to want their own way. It makes it sound like you mostly prefer to have your own way, and begrudge them from their wishes and desires. Maybe you need to learn how to romance a woman. How to be a giving partner. How to value a woman for what she is--not perfect, but flawed, nevertheless, having something to offer you. Sounds to me like you might need to do some changing yourself in order to establish a good, lasting relationship with a woman. If you've had many relationships and none have lasted, there's usually a reason. It's not everybody else--it's you. On another note, you should be careful where you meet these women. You're likely not going to find anyone of value in a bar. If you go to places where quality women are, you will have a better chance of finding one. Also, you say that some women were too picky. Well, the good ones usually are. They can afford to be, since they have a lot to offer. If you have realistic standards and expectations, go to places where quality women go, and make sure your attitude is not driving them away, there's no reason you can't meet someone worth keeping long term.

[Hockster]

Hi guys and thank you very much for your responses to my first ever post on here, it's really appreciated!

 

You both raise some good points there and they make for very interesting reading. Not to be too critical but you both seem to make statements along the lines of my meeting a future partner though. Just to be clear, this is not my reason for posting as I am no longer interested in meeting anyone. I am comfortable as I am and that is without a woman. What I do want to hear is, the more generic comments, which don't apply to me. This is not about me, I have made my mind up.

 

That said, again, I really appreciate your comments.

Edited August 11, 2011 by Hockster

[rafallus]

I have the feeling you secretly want one of the females to jump out, prove you wrong and invest in you out of pity.

 

It reads like a thinly-veiled attempt to attract one. Like it seems you only meant to talk to guys, but secretly you want some female to chime in and say "No, not all women are like that, you're cool, I'd totally date you".

 

It doesn't work - I can tell you beforehand.

Edited August 11, 2011 by rafallus

[Hockster]

My post is actually open to both men and women, as I feel either may or may noty have something to say on this topic. I'm struggling to understand the point regarding my post serving to try top attract someone if I'm honest. Surely, if I wanted to do that, I would have posted on a dating website. Additionally, as far as I'm aware, this site is predominantly based in the Unites States so there is little chance of anyone local to me being on here. I'm starting to think that I may have made a mistakle asking for opinions on this topic. Or, if I've posted in the wrong forum, please do let me know.

[thatone]

i was in your shoes when i first came into financial success, at a comparable age as well (i was 29).

 

but the thing is, you'll wake up eventually one day and realize that the money, the house, the car, all that stuff, isn't worth working all that time for if it's just for yourself. once you have all the things you want that money can provide, what will you do then?

 

that said, you're in your prime as far as women go. those same women who manipulated you in your 20s are now desperate to find husbands, because time is catching them. their friends and sisters have husbands and children, they don't. the ones who have nothing to offer but their appearance will be all over you.

 

so take advantage of them the same way they took advantage of you years ago. have some fun spending the money.

 

and in so doing you might run across a normal, sane one in the sea of self centered imaginary princesses. there are still some out there, you just have to see the signs and recognize when you find one.

Edited August 11, 2011 by thatone