LostInThoughts Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) and your husband/wife burnt your belonging (your clothes, shoes and other things) when returning home from an argument? We've been married for 1 yr now and this is what happened. I think she went crazy when I left and I don't know what to think. I heard if they destroyed your belongings is a bad sign and can get worst. I was thinking about having kids but after what she did, I don't know. Is this even normal behavior if it happens once because she has never done this before. She apologized and said that she was upset and wasn't thinking at that moment but I don't know. Edited August 11, 2011 by LostInThoughts
Hazel_eyes Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Well I don't know the context of the argument or anything, but I will say that I would be very angry if my husband burnt my belongings because he was mad at me (assuming this was just a typical type argument couples have). When 2 adults have a disagreement they should be able to rationally discuss it and come to a solution. Going around destroying someones property is, no offense, like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum cause they didn't get their way. It's disrespectful and childish. Does she normally throw stuff or break anything when you fight? If this truly has been a one time thing then perhaps you could chalk it up to that. But I would suspect that she might throw other types of 'tantrums' while angry. Either that or you were fighting over something that caused deep emotional anguish, like she caught you cheating lets say for example, and lashing out at your stuff was a way of dealing with an anger she just didn't know how to express or handle. This would be from anguish and deep hurt though. It is still not right, but would make the action understandable. The context of the argument would shed a lot of light on the situation. Just my opinion.
Afishwithabike Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 That's very hostile and aggressive assuming she reacted this way after a run of the mill argument and not something like finding out you cheated on her. What do you mean "when you left". Left for whom? Did you leave her for another woman? Did you two agree to separate because of marital problems?
Author LostInThoughts Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 What do you mean "when you left". Left for whom? Did you leave her for another woman? Did you two agree to separate because of marital problems?Left as in walking away from the argument which was about the bills. I never cheated on her.
KathyM Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 and your husband/wife burnt your belonging (your clothes, shoes and other things) when returning home from an argument? We've been married for 1 yr now and this is what happened. I think she went crazy when I left and I don't know what to think. I heard if they destroyed your belongings is a bad sign and can get worst. I was thinking about having kids but after what she did, I don't know. Is this even normal behavior if it happens once because she has never done this before. She apologized and said that she was upset and wasn't thinking at that moment but I don't know. That's really extreme behavior. Not normal. It's actually considered a form of abuse if a partner destroys your property. Sounds like you have an unstable woman on your hands. Better see that she gets counseling.
Ross MwcFan Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) Lol, wow, sorry for laughing, but that's pretty extreme. Let's see, if she's done something like that just because you walked away from an argument about bills, then I think she's probably going to be a bit of a handful. I've honestly got no idea whether it would be a good idea to have kids with someone like that or not. It could be a one off, but my guess is that even if it is, it does sound as though she's kinda unstable. If this doesn't end up being a one off, then definatley not. So yeah, it's possible you're going to have quite a lot on your hands being with her. I guess you've got to ask yourself are you prepared for that? Edited August 11, 2011 by Ross MwcFan
Woggle Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Get the hell out now. This kind of craziness will only worse. I never had my things burned but one day I came home from work and a ton of my stuff was trashed. That should have been an omen of things to come but I let it slide.
Citizen Erased Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 It would either make me so mad I'd retaliate by doing the same to something of his, or scare me enough that I'd leave. Burning is so violent, she sounds nuts to do this over a fight over some bills. Some things are forgivable. Is this something you're just going to ignore? Has/will she take responsibility for doing it and what will she do to make you certain that she won't lose control like that again?
Ross MwcFan Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 If you decide to stay with her, then invest in a small fire extinguisher.
FinOuch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Left as in walking away from the argument which was about the bills. I never cheated on her. That is incredibly extreme behavior for the situation you've described. And I would take it as a very very bad sign. You need to have a serious talk with her about it, and while it's possible that this is a one time thing...it's also unlikely. She may need to seek councelling for her anger management and underlying emotional problems. (there's likely some much bigger root problem and this was a convenient outlet)
Hazel_eyes Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 That is incredibly extreme behavior for the situation you've described. And I would take it as a very very bad sign. You need to have a serious talk with her about it, and while it's possible that this is a one time thing...it's also unlikely. She may need to seek councelling for her anger management and underlying emotional problems. (there's likely some much bigger root problem and this was a convenient outlet) I agree with this and what the others have said. And I hope you didn't think I was accusing you of cheating, I wasn't I promise , it was just an example of something that someone could do to another person to cause them extreme grief. You didn't leave me with any impression that that is what the argument was about. I do hope that she is open to solving this anger problem, it can hurt her in more ways then just relationships with guys. If she refuses to address it then I would sincerely consider whether or not you want to continue with the relationship.
serial muse Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Yeah, burning your belongings is an act of violence. Wow. This is a very large, fiery red flag. Counseling for anger management for sure, if you decide to stay with her. It would make me extremely nervous to bring kids into such an environment.
justme37 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Extremely aggressive and violent behavior. Obviously sticking around will only subject yourself to more of this behavior. If that's what you want, knock yourself out, but if it were me, I would make 2 phone calls. First one to get her some counseling, and second would be to a divorce attorney
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Get the hell out now. This kind of craziness will only worse. I never had my things burned but one day I came home from work and a ton of my stuff was trashed. That should have been an omen of things to come but I let it slide. Agree 100% its a real bad sign it means they are crazy. Seen it time and again in relationships of people I have known in life, some neighbors, a few distant relatives, and my ex-husband. It is very likely a sign of a personality disorder, usually incurable. Oh, they will beg and plead for forgiveness. Don't buy it. You can always give her another chance and see for yourself. Please just remember this day that you wrote in to LoveShack about it, and how people told you it would happen again. Trashing belongings is very expensive. Burning them is not only trashing them, but also over the top kind of aggression. I wouldn't feel safe sleeping in the same house with a person like this. They are unstable. What happens when you piss her off and she sets you on fire in your sleep? I have never burned anything of anyone's when I got mad, have you? It's extreme anger. Maybe counseling will help. I hope so. But from my life experience with an angry personality disordered ex-spouse (15 years experience) - I tend to think counseling just isn't enough for some people's deep seated issues, usually stemming from childhood and permanently ingrained in the core of their very being. Anyways you will find out sooner or later if you stick with her, if it was a "1-off" bad day thing she'll never do again, or a sign of more lunacy to come. Very good luck to you!
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