Ten years relationship on and off with emotionally unavailable woman.

[agingboomer]

In January of 2001 a woman who I was exclusively seeing decided to break up with me on the day after I had to put my dog to sleep. How cruel of her to NOT be there for me and to start a fight with me over the phone.

Fast forward to March... I rescue a sweet one year old female cocker spaniel mix dog and bring her home .Forward again to August of the same year... I meet a new woman online and we start dating in September of 2001. She bonds with my dog and myself. She's originally from another state and the following year, in 2002 she ,her son, her two dogs, and me and dog move in together and live in two places over the next five years.

On Mother's day of 2007,her boss (who is married) called her cell phone at 4 am and left a lovey dovey message for her. I intercepted the voicemail as I had her passcode. I confronted her and she boldly denied that any affair was going on between her and him. I didn't belive her. Eventually she wanted to move out and leave the relationship. I was under a lot of stress from it all and she was telling me things like..."Well still date " and " I Love You " and "I'll help you find an apartment " .It was ALL lies. She said it to placate me until she could escape and move to her sister's house. When she moved out she ignored me and had her nasty mouthed sister called me drunk and threatened me that I need to leave the house so her sister (my gf) could get back the security deposit. I emailed my soon to be ex gf about leaving and the day I was moving was very awkward. I left and too kmy dog to our new home. About 5 months later we somehow emailed each other and started to get along. She said she missed me.

We met for dinner and reconciled. We dated exclusively again. In 2009 she told me after the fact that she had bought a house in her home state which was 300 miles away and that she'd be moving back there in a year. I was very upset.She agreed to carry on a LDR with me and she moved in June of 2010 to her house in another state.Two days after she moved there she stopped ALL communications with me. I emailed and called for two days and got nothing. I was demoralized. She had lied again and set me up for a big fall. I was reeling from the shock and hurt. In November, after having absolutely NO communication with her, I sent her flowers for her birthday as a peace offering. She sent back an email thanking me and I followed up with another email. Eventually I was able to call her and we talked things through AGAIN. This time she said she'd visit me once a month and she did. When she came in for those weekends we got along great. And for quite a while when she went back home we'd talk almost every day on the phone. At this time my dog had been ill again with what the vet says was a brain lesion. She was having seizures. My GF came in and was very supportive as she always loved my dog.And THEN on the weekend of August 5,6 and 7...the gf was playing hard to find again by not answering her phone and then not calling back after promising to do so. On Sunday, August 7th, my dog was very ill and I had to take her to the vet emergency hospital. I was convinced that I might have to have her euthanized. I had called the GF several times and got nowhere. Only her stupid voicemail. I did not leave any messages. She finally calls eme back just as I was bringing my dog in on a stretcher. I told her I couldn't talk and that I was at the veterinary emergency.I didn't call her back that night as I got home late but my dog was okay. It was a urinary tract infection. So Monday I heard nothing from the GF and nor and nor did I call her. Tuesday same thing. No email no phone call nothing. I emailed her saying that if she wanted to know any details on my dog, that she can call me as I wasn't going to waste my time and humiliate myself by calling her over and over again.

 

Wednesday morning I recieved and email from her stating that she assumed that I had to have my dog put to sleep so she just was busy working. What ? If she cared about me and THOUGHT that I had to have my dog put to sleep..would't a CARING GF call me and be supportive. NO..she rambled on in her email about how her house needs repairs and how she's trying to make extra $$$ with a part time side biz and a bunch of non related crap about HER issues. NOT A WORD about...Oh Gee I am worried about you or ANYTHING Caring.

Well I was pissed. I called her at 7 am Wednesday and she answered her cell phone and I confronted her as to WHY she would email me such an indifferent email. She was NON receptive to me and told me that I had called her at work ,,and basically she was pretty curt and rude. I told her that my dog was NOT dead and She angrily said "I can't talk "!!! "I'll call you later". I said..NO you won't ...you're lying again. You won't call me. And that just made her more angry and she was blowing me off the phone. I lost my cool and called her a rather nast name. End of call.

Now if you re-read the beginning...you can see a pattern. Another woman....unsupportive of me and my dog. AGAIN !!!

I looked up all osrts of psychology articles online referring to women who stonewalll men ,and women who are detached emotionally and emailed about 7 articles to her this evening. No response. It's the same avoidant and indifferent behavior AGAIN !!! THREE EFFIN' TIMES I FELL INTO HER TRAP. I can't make any sense out of it but I know that at this point in time I am shocked beyond belief and devastated by the fact that she can be so cold blooded !!! Please...I need some feedback. I am brand new to trhis forum. Thanks in advance.

[wilsonx]

I really want you to read the thread in my signature... I am not attracted to you thread. Its a really good read into what goes on. Even Macks post after it was great...

 

The problem is I think you might be attracting these type of women because you have a caretaking personality. Theres a thread you should read and answer the questions to yourself.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291847/

This is the thread to see if you have a caretaking personality. I exhibit some traits of it and thats why I have attracted and had 2 ****ty relationships with those that are emotionally unavailable.

[Peagle87]

I have a question. I just read the whole article about being too loving. It describes me to a damn T. My question is the only trait i dont have is i dont come from a broken family my parents are awesome but i cant really

Connect well with them. Why do you think this is??

[agingboomer]

Peagle, I'm not trying to start an argument or anything but Please...if you're going to deflect from my original post perhaps you can start a NEW thread.

I really would like some feedback concerning the hell I've been through.

Thanks..

[horizzon]

Alright you sending her 7 articles..calling her at 7am... its a little obsessive and crazy....

 

It seems you have put in 150%, and she has put in about 40%. She only tries when it is convenient for her. You are a toy to her she can pick up and play with when she gets bored.

[agingboomer]

Horizzon,

 

You hit the nail on the head. And my obsessive behavior is mostly from the fact that I CAN'T believe that ANY person could be SO COLD BLOODED. It's mind boggling and in spite of the fact that I like to remain optimistic, I suppose I have been in denial for too long that this woman is a cowardly, no good ,lying ,disloyal, selfish, and emotionally unavailable monster.

 

I forgot to mention that she has been married and divorced four times to three men (she remarried the first guy). I also should add that she has NEVER displayed extreme emotion ...EVER. In other words I have NEVER heard her REALLY SOB or SCREAM or LAUGH Uncontrollably. She has a need to be "in control" but she's a mess deep inside.

 

THREE EFFIN' Times....I have been her fool. The only way I'm going to get past this once and for all is to get MYSELF fixed the best that I can and then get into a healthy relationship with a mature woman who can commit and not someone like her who just dabbles.