Romantic_Lefty Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 So i've posted on here before and got some real good advice. Hoping for the same here. After taking the advice of people on here my ex ended up contacting me saying she needs to stand on her own for awhile. And that we should just be friends. She said that she isn't sure what she wants and doesn't know about dating, but "maybe sometime in the fall, idk". My question is...do i stay her friend if i want more and thats how we began dating in the first place was being really good friends, or do i not stay her friend and try to move on?
smudge21 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Can you handle just being her friend? Before you answer, just remember that as a friend you will see her less than when you dated and you have to accept that one day she may start dating someone else. Plus, once you enter that friend zone it may be hard to ever get back, despite what she says. Yes, there is always a chance things could happen again, but I'm a firm believer that for things to get back together with an ex, they have to experience life without us. They have to miss us. If you're there as friend, will she honestly miss you? The other alternative is of course to walk away - say you can't be friends as you do want more and you feel it would be too hard to just see her in that way. It may make her think, it may not, no one can say for sure. You've just got to think about yourself and what would make you feel better in the long run. I tried friends, right up until the point my ex got back with her long term ex and they got engaged... that killed me... would never wish that on anyone.
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Very true, very true. Thanks for all the advice and your experience, sorry that killed ya. Although, i'm still torn. i still cannot picture life without her friend or not but maybe that is because i do want more!? It does seem though that maybe if i go back to NC or LC and take your advice, i may be able to get a clearer picture. Thanks again btw.
lvm Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Out of love, give her (and yourself!) the space that is needed. Being there as a "friend" does not constitute as space to reflect on the past and present. What it does do is give another way of viewing you - which may seem more comfortable. You want her to reflect on the time that you were in a relationship without the added haze of the friendship dance. Having been on both sides, it is only then that there is true clarity. It definitely takes time as the trama of a breakup has to fade as well. I'm not advocating that you wait around for her... however I agree with smudge21 - don't say that you'll be your friend in the meantime. You don't have to say yet that you're not willing to be friends or are unable to... but for now just leave it as a parting and an opportunity to take time for yourself. However, if that is her final "conclusion" - then that may be the path to take. If she begins contacting you after awhile (which may or may not be in the "timeframe" she put forth), suggest meeting up in person to "catch up". Personally, I would not want to entertain a reconciliation until I knew that they had truly spent time evaluating the situation.
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