BrettLost Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm just wondering if its family nature, like a blood is thicker than water thing... For 8yrs ive been happily accepted by her family as a dedicated husband, father and provider. I too have formed good bonds with all of them. Since my ex has made the call to 'move in a new direction', any contact i have tried to initiate with any of them has been shot down. Kinda 'i cant talk to u anymore'? Im thinking why the fu(k not, im still who i am... I still care for all of them. Is it just justification for my ex's selfishness to want out? The way i am no longer able to talk to them makes me wonder what has been said to them all about WHY she left.... Couldnt be she just 'changed her mind', thats not good enough. So any feedback on the matter is greatly appreciated. When a marrige ends, do both whole families part ways aswell?
andyg99 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm just wondering if its family nature, like a blood is thicker than water thing... For 8yrs ive been happily accepted by her family as a dedicated husband, father and provider. I too have formed good bonds with all of them. Since my ex has made the call to 'move in a new direction', any contact i have tried to initiate with any of them has been shot down. Kinda 'i cant talk to u anymore'? Im thinking why the fu(k not, im still who i am... I still care for all of them. Is it just justification for my ex's selfishness to want out? The way i am no longer able to talk to them makes me wonder what has been said to them all about WHY she left.... Couldnt be she just 'changed her mind', thats not good enough. So any feedback on the matter is greatly appreciated. When a marrige ends, do both whole families part ways aswell? sadly many times the ex's family will be part of the loss... often even when the relationship with in-laws is seemingly good. I guess it does come down to the old "blood is thicker than water"... sorry you have to go through this, it's possible since there are children involved that after some time you can have a friendly relationship with them... I get along great with all my ex in-laws and I have been divorced for 15 years...
monik Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Sorry to hear you are losing your "family" too. My husband and I separated about a month ago, but I have to say his family still treats me like family. In fact, his mom and I are closer now than we have ever been before. In my case, my MIL is now watching my daughter for the summer. I drop my daughter off and pick her up afterwork. I think it's rude to pick up and run, so I usually hang out at her house for about half an hour to an hour before I go home. My MIL is a widower with all her kids grown up. Since she is by herself, she likes to have conversations with me when I am there. My husband moved back in with his mother now that we are separated, so sometimes the kids spend weekends there, when we are ready for pickup/dropoff, my MIL will call to have lunch with me for our "transfer". I still get all the invites to their family activities too. My sister-in-law told me I will always be her family because we will always be linked because she will always be our kids' auntie! I think I still get these invites because we are newly separated. If my husband brings home his new love interest, then I am pretty sure they will stop inviting me for family activities, but I think I will still have an occasional lunch or coffee with them.
jeff2321 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 After my ex left, her entire family wrote me off instantly. Her friends, family, common co-workers and even some of my friends just vanished out of my life over night. It has been a year for me and it has been hard getting over the void of her gone and the void of not being able to hang out with her sisters and brothers, but time has a way of taking that huge loss and making it just bit easier. I've had so many people literally abandon me at this point that I'm having a hard time trusting anyone new... I haven't been able to get close to really anyone new since she left.... Divorces are ugly and almost like death in a lot of ways. Grieve the losses and realize it will take time to get over it.... I'm better but still quite hurt. Jeff
Author BrettLost Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Jeff, Mate I am exactly where u are. I feel like im obsolete and being replaced seemingly instantly by her new dude. The thing that hurts is after 8yrs, i know my ex wife and her family like they were my own. Their ups their downs and all the trivial bs in between, every family has it. He comes into it, fresh, not knowing fu(k all really about who they are and the history that came with them. I guess they must see it as a fresh start with someone in her life to "right the wrongs" which may have been while i was married to her, both in her own life aswell as the parts they all played. I still smell failure in it all, but i guess i would wouldnt i. I have mentioned probably a few times before, my only fear is that Im replaced as a father/father figure. Her and her dude can do whatever they like, but where MY kids are concerned I WILL be there for them. By no means did i do anything, warranting her departure... like u said, it fu(ks with ur moral stand on trust, family etc.
jaymz Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Mate I am exactly where u are. I feel like im obsolete and being replaced seemingly instantly by her new dude. I couldnt have put it better myself. I too feel complete obsolete and replaced overnight by my stbxw and her family. The thing that hurts is after 8yrs, i know my ex wife and her family like they were my own. Their ups their downs and all the trivial bs in between, every family has it. He comes into it, fresh, not knowing fu(k all really about who they are and the history that came with them. I guess they must see it as a fresh start with someone in her life to "right the wrongs" which may have been while i was married to her, both in her own life aswell as the parts they all played. I still smell failure in it all, but i guess i would wouldnt i. This is true but at the end of the day true character will always come through. My ex's family are a very odd lot and while they initially will be on their best behavior and look "great"! I know that they wont keep that facade up for long, the BIL will still leave his wife 3 times a year, the MIL will still be a physco etc. I have mentioned probably a few times before, my only fear is that Im replaced as a father/father figure. Her and her dude can do whatever they like, but where MY kids are concerned I WILL be there for them. This is the hardest part for me, esp when the stbxw goes on about how scumbag will be a better father than me, he provides better for his kids, I don't provide as well for my kids etc. But when I have the kids, I give them 100% of my time, i only talk about them and when they talk about scumbag I change the subject and keep the focus on US. By no means did i do anything, warranting her departure... like u said, it fu(ks with ur moral stand on trust, family etc. I dont think i did anything that bad really, still don't understand what went on, what went wrong etc - lots of unanswered questions.
Author BrettLost Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Thanks Jaymz, Sounds soppy, but it breaks my fu(king heart to hear of so many of us losing out this way. How can u know and trust people, FAMILY, then if your wife wants out, without reasoning and justification, they all support her and her wants because she is immediate family. Never mind the time, money, effort and support the guy (and guys family) have deeply invested into making sure your family with her, grows and develops into the one they would be proud to say they are a part of. Horrible woman to even mention him being a more capable father than yourself. In my case only my kids are involved (he has none), so if theres ever talk of him being a better dad, first off id laugh, n tell him he's got 8yrs to put in before he's even close to being compared to me as their dad!! FU(K THAT!! Totally undermines any effort uve shown to family as a dad, least now ur time and effort wil NEVER go unappreciated.
Ballerfamily Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 married 25 yrs, dated 5 yrs....her dad who has died was a great FIL and friend....both inlaws deeply religious good people and loved me deeply, thought I was a great person...when ex left for AP..called MIL an explained briefly the situation, and cried for her help with my little boy who ex took with her....MIL hasnt spoken to me since, and neither has any of her family...its been 2 yrs....she had to paint me badly, for talking to her mom briefly...almost more hurtful then being abandoned by ex
jaymz Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 MIL hasnt spoken to me since, and neither has any of her family...its been 2 yrs....she had to paint me badly, for talking to her mom briefly...almost more hurtful then being abandoned by ex This is it. My STBXW is doing the same thing, totally rewriting our history together, making me out to be the bad person, she has done nothing wrong, bad mouthing me to her family and our friends when we split. Its all done to justify her actions, her family and friends will only ever hear herside and while they may initially not believe it, as time goes on they will, esp if the split is not straightforward - which is practically never is. My MIL got me arrested in trumped up charges, only a few weeks before she had her head in her hands not knowing why her daughter was splitting up her family and my FIL told me he was embarrassed by her behaviour. Different story today. Fu(k 'em.
worldgonewrong Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Yup, my story is similar: I've known my in-laws for *20* frickin' years. 20!! Wife goes off the deep end, bad-mouths me & re-writes history, and suddenly everything is cut off.
ver13 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 IMO they do it because they don't want to face up to the fact that their son or dau could really be the source of all the drama. They know deep down that the apple has a worm in it they just want to belieave that you put it there. It's total BS and really rather sad that they are afraid to say to their family" You know what he or she is a pretty cool person and you fu(ked it up". I guess it's to hard for them. I love my sister more then anything but I will never cut her any slack over how she treated her ex H. This man is truly a stand up guy who will give the shirt off his back for his kid. It pisses my sis off but oh well she screwed it all up not him.
marqueemoon4 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 wow, one of the best things about my divorce is never having to deal with her family again. bunch of hillbillys.
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