todd Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 My buddy is an artist who has a drawing he did of his ex-gf still hanging on his wall even though he has a new gf (He also has a number of different paintings and sketches framed so thats not the only piece he has up on the wall of his). He is still friends with her since they dated 3 yrs ago, he simply likes the drawing he did. He says his gf hates that he still has a drawing of his ex hanging on his wall even though he is like brother and sister with his ex and there is absolutely no possibility of a future connection with his ex (So he says). Whats your guys opinion on this. Should he take it down his artwork, is she being insecure or are her concerns warranted? Perhaps it depends on whats in the drawing? Lets here your opinions! PS: he also has one of his gf represented his wall; its of him and her holding hands watching the sunrise. The pic of his ex is her half peaking around a passageway.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 If his ex is dressed in the picture, I wouldn't have an issue with it, but I don't think it's uncommon that she does. There's really no right/wrong on this; it's all what they can work out. Maybe the compromise could be keeping it but not keeping it hanging on the wall?
Author todd Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 What if the picture of his ex his hanging over his bed while the pic of his current gf is in the bathroom? lol jping of course. But there are plenty of different situations that could be looked into.
sm1tten Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I think it would make me uncomfortable but I don't think it's a big deal. If he wanted his ex, having the picture hanging up there isn't going to make a difference or not. I think that it depends on how this is handled - compromise, versus ultimatums.
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 even though he is like brother and sister with his ex and there is absolutely no possibility of a future connection with his ex That doesn't mean he isn't carrying a torch for her.. His present GF has a problem with it and he knows this and he still let's it hang there.. What a putz... is he looking to be single again ? He needs to get over his ex..take the picture down and put one up of his new GF... 1
Author todd Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 That doesn't mean he isn't carrying a torch for her.. His present GF has a problem with it and he knows this and he still let's it hang there.. What a putz... is he looking to be single again ? He needs to get over his ex..take the picture down and put one up of his new GF... He has a pic of his gf AND him holding hands watching the sunrise together. He is really brother and sister to his ex, they have both been in LTR with their current partners for three years and have never cheated on them with eachother or even flirted. Again they say its like flirt or trying to hook up with your sibling now.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Why doesn't he sell the art to his ex, and make his current gf happy? That's what I would do. 1
Author todd Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Why doesn't he sell the art to his ex, and make his current gf happy? That's what I would do. Interesting idea. He probably wouldnt actually sell it to her because they are good friends but that is one way of having it still be appreciated while pleasing his current gf. What do you think the gf would think of him giving a nice gift he worked 25 hrs on though? Perhaps just happy its gone, but if she is insecure of him having it how will he feel him actually give his ex an awesome painting? But again, a decent solution.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Interesting idea. He probably wouldnt actually sell it to her because they are good friends but that is one way of having it still be appreciated while pleasing his current gf. What do you think the gf would think of him giving a nice gift he worked 25 hrs on though? Perhaps just happy its gone, but if she is insecure of him having it how will he feel him actually give his ex an awesome painting? But again, a decent solution. Um, if the painting is the problem, she'll probably be just so relieved that it's gone that she won't care about the art. The ex will appreciate it, because it's, like you said, an awesome painting of her. The boyfriend will be off the hook, because he will no longer have a painting of his ex hanging on his wall. And all three will be happy.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Interesting idea. He probably wouldnt actually sell it to her because they are good friends but that is one way of having it still be appreciated while pleasing his current gf. What do you think the gf would think of him giving a nice gift he worked 25 hrs on though? Perhaps just happy its gone, but if she is insecure of him having it how will he feel him actually give his ex an awesome painting? But again, a decent solution. Since it's a painting OF HIS EX that he made when they were together and that she wants gone, I think she'd be fine with it. If he randomly started spending a lot of time making his ex a new painting, that'd be a different story.
xxoo Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Is there a guest room? I'd hang it, and others of close friends/family, there. If no guest room, maybe cluster it with other images of friends and family. The gf should have some input in appropriate placement of the piece. I do think it is unreasonable to partner with an artist, and then be sensitive to representations of past loves.
rightfield Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I don't think it's a huge deal, but I can understand that current g/f could have a problem with it. Here's what I would do. If I caught wind that my current g/f had an issue with it, one day she would come to my place and it would just be gone. I'd give it to the ex without saying anything to the current g/f. This would be a nice gesture to the ex, so she would be happy. One day when current g/f noticed that it's gone, and asked me about it, I'd tell her that I gave it to the ex out of respect for our relationship. Then I'd take her straight to the bedroom.
FitChick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Picasso painted all of his wives and girlfriends and none of them seemed to have had a problem with it. If she's so insecure, she should ask him to do more portraits of her so they outnumber the ones of the ex. 1
CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Picasso painted all of his wives and girlfriends and none of them seemed to have had a problem with it. If she's so insecure, she should ask him to do more portraits of her so they outnumber the ones of the ex. I don't think it has to do with being insecure. Its called her bf being respectful toward his current gf in general. Having a picture up of an ex in painting or portrait form, I think is tacky.
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 it is insecure, and trying to blame her insecurity on him is a red flag. that tells me that she'll blame everything that doesn't fit her perfect world view on him and after a few months he'll figure out that she just isn't worth the hassle. he is an artist. he draws/paints people. that's it.
CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 it is insecure, and trying to blame her insecurity on him is a red flag. he is an artist. he draws/paints people. that's it. He can't still be an "artist" if he took the painting down? I wouldn't like it either and it has nothing to be with insecure at all. If he has so much trouble taking it down, he must have some unresolved feelings for his ex. 1
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 as the OP explained he is on amicable terms with the ex, so i don't really see a problem. have you destroyed all pictures you have of your exes? what about gifts they may have given you, did you throw all those away? what if one gave you a dog, would you kill the dog or give it to someone else? if the answer to any of those is "no" then his drawing/painting could be explained the same way.
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 have you destroyed all pictures you have of your exes? what about gifts they may have given you, did you throw all those away? what if one gave you a dog, would you kill the dog or give it to someone else? if the answer to any of those is "no" then his drawing/painting could be explained the same way. You can't paint it with such a broad brush as dogs or kids fer cripes sakes.. that is nuts and not even close to being similar to a picture hanging on the wall I certainly don't have one single picture of any ex hanging on any of my walls.. My wife would have a fit.. I do however have some photo albums form my first marriage buried in boxes put up in the attic.. The guy has a picture of an ex on the all that his current GF has an issue with.. that is the problem.. the twist is that he painted it too.. but really in the grand scheme it doesn't matter.. old ex's don;t stay up on the walls or in picture frames on the bedside..
CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 as the OP explained he is on amicable terms with the ex, so i don't really see a problem. have you destroyed all pictures you have of your exes? what about gifts they may have given you, did you throw all those away? what if one gave you a dog, would you kill the dog or give it to someone else? if the answer to any of those is "no" then his drawing/painting could be explained the same way. I don't have pictures of any ex boyfriends. I don't think someone has to throw anything away, photos or gifts, just put them away. And as far as a dog,its ridiculous you would even ask that, since its a living creature. His painting doesn't have to be throw away, or given away, just PUT IT AWAY. I don't really get the whole "I'm still friends with my ex" crap. Most people I know still have feelings for an ex and thats why they keep them around. For me an ex is an ex for a reason. It can end on good terms, but I don't see the need to keep in regular contact. If the painting is more important than his current gf feelings, that is a red flag.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 It's just kind if disrespectful. Once an ex goes, you don't flash reminders to the new one that you had a relationship. Duh. 1
serial muse Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I like the solution of giving it away to the ex. I wouldn't do it behind the current gf's back though. Contacting the ex behind the gf's back like that is not likely to convince the current gf that all is above-board with the ex. Alternatively, as CatNtheHat said, he could just put it away so it's not on display in the house he shares with her. Both seem like reasonable solutions.
Recommended Posts