wabon11 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Hi, I've posted my story on here before, but I'll keep this question to the point. My ex and I were together for 18 months and broke up 4 months ago. For a couple of weeks afterwards, I asked her to talk b/c things ended rather abruptly after a fight we had. She declined, saying she wasn't ready to talk. Fine. 3 months later, I ran into her at a bar and played things well. I said hi and talked for a couple of minutes and then said I had to go (I was with a bunch of friends). Since then, she has texted or emailed me about 8 times (twice a week, roughly), but never about "us." It's always a comment about the stock market (I'm a trader) or something benign like that. Most of her texts, I give a short, generic reply, commenting on the stock market or whatever it is she mentioned. This last one, I think I'm going to ignore. I do not understand what her motive is with all this sudden contact, nor do I know how I should be playing it. Obviously, she isn't seeing anyone (or she wouldn't be contacting me), but she also hasn't indicated she wants to meet up or anything. It's kind of getting frustrating on my end b/c I don't want to give in and ask her to talk...I need to hear it from her.
NursingGirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 She is testing the waters but that isn't necessarily good. Was it a mutual breakup? This kind of ex really annoys me (going through this ex stuff myself) because he/she doesn't have the courage to be direct and/or the ability to know WHAT they are wanting! Going back with an ex has never been something that worked for me. I'm not particularly interested in even trying it, until this last ex fiance. And now he's pissing me off with the same sort of stuff. Before he contacts me, it would be a good idea for him to define what it is he wants from me and what he is willing to give and if that is anything different than why it wasn't working before. There has to be a solution to the original breakup problem(s) or it won't work again. This kind of "ex in contact" hasn't done any preliminary work prior to new contact. They turn our lives upside down with stupid and meaningless texts and fb friend requests and emails and sudden calls out of the blue when we are on a date and jeopardize our balance all over again. Can you tell I'm pissed? lol (sorry)
lvm Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Next time she contacts you, just say you're short on time and suggest grabbing a cup of coffee to catch up more. You're going to keep wondering about the contact; if you set up a time to casually talk you'll probably get a better read of her in person seeing that you do know her pretty well.
Author wabon11 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 FYI, to answer one of your questions, she broke up with me. I did not want to break up.
lunita Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Aaaack!!! I cant stand the passive aggressive behavior!!! Either come right out and say something or have enough respect to leave the person alone so that they can heal and move on. My ex has done the same. He left me and the he does these stupid indirect things. Sh*t or get off the pot. You seem to have more communication going on than me and my ex so it may be more appropriate if you asked her if she had something to say. And if she doesn't, ask her to leave you alone if you dont want a friendship with her. Keep us in the loop!
Author wabon11 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Hi, Lunita, that's funny that you say "sh*t or get off the pot," as that's the exact line I've used when talking to a friend about this. I still have feelings for her and wish we had never broken up, so I would not want to be "friends" at this point in time. The way she has handled this whole thing (from the breakup, to the months of not talking, to these random "testing the water" texts) has kind of resulted in her pushing herself further away from me. She should have had the respect to talk about things when they happened initially and at the very least, she should be able to come out and say "let's talk" or whatever she wants now. All this pussyfooting around makes it hard for me to know what she wants and at the same time, it's making me think about her more than I should be. The thing is, I really wanted to be with her (long term), so it's hard for me to tell her to stop, as that would close the door on her at this time. I just don't understand her intentions here. She needs to be more aggressive if she wants to meet up; I need to see/hear it from her that SHE wants to talk.
lunita Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Wabon, I can totally relate to EVERYTHING you are saying. My ex broke up with me, I chased him for 6 months, he was enjoying the attention and then god forbid I don't act perfect, he breaks up with me again. Then he does these stupid little things but it always seems to be when I'm doing well moving on and then bam! Some stupid bs that messes with my head. Of course deep down part of me want to be with him but if that's not his intention, then please leave me alone and let me move on already!!!
NursingGirl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Wabon, I can totally relate to EVERYTHING you are saying. My ex broke up with me, I chased him for 6 months, he was enjoying the attention and then god forbid I don't act perfect, he breaks up with me again. Then he does these stupid little things but it always seems to be when I'm doing well moving on and then bam! Some stupid bs that messes with my head. Of course deep down part of me want to be with him but if that's not his intention, then please leave me alone and let me move on already!!! Two thumbs up to this post! With my ex fiance, first, I was just mad. I told him that if he "wanted the relationship back the way it once was" like he said in an email, well, we were a week away from getting married and I was free next weekend. LOL! I thought that would shut him up but he said he is working on a plan. I told him that I'm not seeing him until he has one. This is so messed up! I shouldn't have said that but I thought he would run and then he would leave me the heck alone. Do you know how hard it was to be engaged and it all falls apart right before moving in and getting married? Damn! He seems genuine and we have talked about the details of what made it fall apart (long story). I loved his family. Oh well, we will see how this goes but I told him I'm not investing further emotionally (already have but at least not seeing him) until he has put together a plan to make it happen. So I appear to be doing the yo-yo thing with this new contact. I don't know whether to trust him or not. But generally speaking, when an ex does that little insignificant poke at you to get you to respond, he/she is being a big jerk and needs to cut it out. Sh*t or get off the pot is a good phrase to apply here. What IS IT that you WANT???
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