fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Okay, i'm gonna keep this as short as i can. Just need some perspective. I met this girl at happy hour a few weeks ago and we and her friend had interesting conversation. She was very friendly and attractive. We had a drink and a few laughs together. Anyway, i didn't stick around too much longer because i wanted the mystery to last a little. We exchanged phone numbers. She said, Bye___ I hope you call me !" And i said i would. Anyway, i was thinking i would wait about 3 days before doing so, but she texted me the next day " Hey there (my name) What's up?". I replied " Oh what's up cuteness? What are you up to?" She continued to shoot me texts throughout that night. Anyway, long story short, for the next few days, she sent me texts seeming real eager to talk to me. I told her that i was going to call her later and she said "Cool". So i get a phone conversation in and we talk for about 45 minutes and had a good conversation. She mentioned she's into music (as so am i) and we both had similar tastes. We talk about our careers and things and I did a litle bit of flirting with her. I told her there was this live music scene i'd think she'd like and suggested we should go some time. She said "Cool!" A few days after that, i told her i might swing through (the happy hour place we met at) maybe i'll see you there. I texted her letting her know i was there. She called me, said she'd be there later after work. I told her i wasn't going to be around long, so i left. Anyway, later i called her to see if she ended up going. She called me back the next day and i didn't answer because i was at my weekend job. Then the next day i texted her to see what she wanted. She said "Just seeing what's up?" So i texted her to tell her i was going to call her later and she said ok. But she didnt answer. So i waited a few days then decide to call her one night. She said she was working alot of overtime and getting swamped at work (she works for child protective services). We talked for about a minute and 1/2 and she ended, "Let me call you right back after i get done ordering through the drive thru". She never called back. So 10 days later i send her a joking text saying "From cuteness to coldness! How are you? I didn't take you as that type" I was hoping to get a response from her but she never replied. So a few nights ago, i figured since i really didn't have anything to lose, i called her and left her a message just asking how she was and to call me. Well, she has not bothered to call me. So she goes from texting me and initiating a conversation with me everyday to going cold on me. I'm trying to figure out where things went wrong? I know it's best not to give a damn but i still wonder how that happened when i wasn't even pushing her or calling her back right away to avoid appearing needy or available. So I'll repeat the title, I guess playin things cool doesn't always work. fetish Edited August 10, 2011 by fetish1980
Mr. Savage Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Too much phone games IMO. You should have set-up an actual date with place and time shortly after the first few phone conversations i think. I see you talked about the music scene, you should of agreed on an official date. And not answering her call when she called you? That and leaving the after hours spot she was going to meet you at probaly threw some red flags her way.
Author fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Too much phone games IMO. You should have set-up an actual date with place and time shortly after the first few phone conversations i think. I see you talked about the music scene, you should of agreed on an official date. And not answering her call when she called you? That and leaving the after hours spot she was going to meet you at probaly threw some red flags her way. Hey Mr. Savage, thanks for replying The night I told her that i'd be at happy hour was no solid plans. I texted her that morning saying that i may swing through, maybe i'll see you there. She said she may go there or to a spot next door but not sure. When i talked to her that night while i was there, I told her that i wasn't going to be there long. She hadn't even gotten off work yet and said it would be at least an hour or 2 before she got there. I don't even think the girl showed up because i called her that night and she didn't answer. The next day was when she called me and i was at work, so i couldn't answer, but i followed up on a text the next day. That was her last attempt to get in touch with me and that was about 3 1/2 weeks ago It seems to me that she was the one playing the games. fetish Edited August 10, 2011 by fetish1980
mo mo Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Yeaaa phone games don't work. Some chick tried that **** with me the other day. She's been kicked to the curb.
Leumas Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah dude way too much d!cking around on the phone. 45 minute phone calls! Yikes are you in highschool? One short call to set up a meeting and that is it. No excessive chit chatting. You're super busy and save that stuff for the date.
rafallus Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Have to agree, it was kinda wishy-washy. When I thought I was playing cool, I always ended up looking just like that. There is certain amount of aggressiveness (in that "I like you, let's meet up" way) which improves your chances.
snug.bunny Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Agree with the others (except Momo). Most women, aren't naturally inclined to go after the guy in setting up the initial date. In some cases yes, but consider yourself to have found a rare gem, if she does.
Author fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 How funny! Becasue i was always told that you don't call a woman right away because it kind of indicates neediness or being too available. I've messed up plenty of opportunity with alot of hot women by doing that. Now this one threw a curve ball at me. The 1st night she texted me, i told her that i was going to a lounge for a little while and offered for her to come. She decided not to and said she was going to stay in for the night. I really didn't think our phone conversation was that long. I always thought it was best to keep it under an hour. And mo mo's strategy ain't bad. I mean who has time for games? lol fetish
Enchanted Girl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I agree that you can mess stuff up by playing games. Both my long term relationships began with men who told me they loved me after only three days of dating them and wanted to spend lots of time with me. My ex changed and started being neglectful, but my current boyfriend is still the same. I dated some other guys that I got extremely bored with right before him because they didn't call me much or think of me much. I tend to reciprocate the amount of attention and clinginess that someone gives me while dating me, so when they act disinterested, I usually become quickly disinterested too.
todd Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 agree with the rest. Sounds had a first date with her but it was via a 45 minute phone conversation. If you see her leading you into a serious conversation on the phone I would try to cut it short and try to set up meeting up face to face. You should try to keep you phone convos short and to the point. If she wants to talk, great!, but lets do it in person somewhere.
snug.bunny Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Anyway, i didn't stick around too much longer because i wanted the mystery to last a little.We exchanged phone numbers. She said, Bye___ I hope you call me !" And i said i would. Anyway, i was thinking i would wait about 3 days before doing so, but she texted me the next day " Hey there (my name) What's up?". I replied " Oh what's up cuteness? What are you up to?"I told her there was this live music scene i'd think she'd like and suggested we should go some time. She said "Cool!" A few days after that, i told her i might swing through (the happy hour place we met at) maybe i'll see you there. I texted her letting her know i was there. She called me, said she'd be there later after work. I told her i wasn't going to be around long, so i left.Next time, when a woman shows interest/initiative, ask her out. If she says no, then you have your answer.
Mr. Slim Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I don't really see anything that you did wrong. Yes, you could have gone with the full on assault from the get go, but there are negatives with that approach too, as you well know or you would have done it. I think the reality is that you likely failed the phone audition (or at best didn't hit a home run), then she meets another guy at happy hour next week and suddenly you're just a memory. This kind of thing happens all the time. My only thing is, don't play games. If it's more your style to call her the next day or even ten minutes after getting her number, then do that. If you're going to do the laid back thing then you'd best be committed to it.
Pierre Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 dude, she was all over you and you acted disinterested. you told her to meet you at the bar to hang out and then you left. she texted you often at the onset and you let the days go by and did nothing. she moved on and right now she is with some other guy that did not procrastinate.
zengirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 dude, she was all over you and you acted disinterested. you told her to meet you at the bar to hang out and then you left. she texted you often at the onset and you let the days go by and did nothing. she moved on and right now she is with some other guy that did not procrastinate. I think that's probably true. If you like a girl, ask her on a date (a real date)! It's not so hard and way more fun than all this mixed messages game playing nonsense people do.
sm1tten Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Different women are going to want different things. Some women like the attention and will want a guy calling and texting often. Others will find it clingy and needy and be put off. You have to feel out the girl and react to HER, not some blanket rule. And even then, there are no guarantees. But you know, I give you a ton of credit for even attempting.
Author fetish1980 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 But you know, I give you a ton of credit for even attempting. Ok i'm slow lol. attempting what? Asking her out? That's why i don't understand what Pierre was talking about. I never acted disinterested. I kept the text conversations going. I complimented her, flirted with her. I never procrastinated because I told her i was looking forward to kicking it with her soon the 1st night via text. During our phone conversation we talked about how long we've been living in the city and we both joked about us ( both being black) can't stand the cold. Talked about our careers and such. We found a common interest in music and that's when i told her about the live music club i wanted to take her to. I don't know what went wrong and maybe i'm thinking about it too hard. That night when i was talking about meeting back up at happy hour, i did wait for over an hour, but i had to meet at a friend's house. I even tried calling her throughout that night to see if she had ever made it there. Didn't hear back from her. Then the next day she calls me at work and that was the last i heard from her on her own. I didn't really play games. My guess is maybe on the lines of what Mr. Slim said, I probably failed the phone audtition. LOL. But i don't know what i could've said. The girl was hot stuff though and don't know how that fell through. If she was able to move on that quickly after only a couple of days? Maybe she wasn't worth it. fetish
snug.bunny Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I just thought of something. This: I told her there was this live music scene i'd think she'd like and suggested we should go some time. She said "Cool!" A few days after that, i told her i might swing through (the happy hour place we met at) maybe i'll see you there. I texted her letting her know i was there. She called me, said she'd be there later after work. I told her i wasn't going to be around long, so i left. Totally reminds me of what Jennifer Aniston says in this clip..... http://www.anyclip.com/movies/along-came-polly/going-to-dance-salsa/
Author fetish1980 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) I just thought of something. This: Totally reminds me of what Jennifer Aniston says in this clip..... http://www.anyclip.com/movies/along-came-polly/going-to-dance-salsa/ but the thing was i told her i had to work at my 2nd job later that night. plus i had to stop over at a friend's so its not like i didn't tell her. Again, i waited for another hour and even tried to call her, but to no avail. So that tells me, it doesn't matter if i waited 2, 3 hours or up until closing time, she probably never showed up and wouldn't have answered anyway no matter how late i stayed. btw the clip didn't load for me. fetish Edited August 11, 2011 by fetish1980
snug.bunny Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 but the thing was i told her i had to work at my 2nd job later that night. plus i had to stop over at a friend's so its not like i didn't tell her. Again, i waited for another hour and even tried to call her, but to no avail. So that tells me, it doesn't matter if i waited 2, 3 hours or up until closing time, she probably never showed up and wouldn't have answered anyway no matter how late i stayed. btw the clip didn't load for me. fetish I dunno... It sounds like a lot of miscommunication with that night in particular. A set time/place, usually works best for both people. Sorry the clip didn't load, try this: http://www.anyclip.com/movies/along-came-polly/going-to-dance-salsa/ http://www.anyclip.com/movies/along-came-polly/ZWbrJ4Yt4hYuu/
Author fetish1980 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 snug bunny. you're wrong for that LOL:laugh: i didn't do that girl like that. "I might not even be there!" LOL fetish
Hot Chick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Your text was accusatory and attacking when you said "Warm to cold, didn't think you were that type"...I would write a guy off after that.
todd Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Your text was accusatory and attacking when you said "Warm to cold, didn't think you were that type"...I would write a guy off after that. Yea that probably would of been the nail in the coffin for me if I was a chick in that situation.
Author fetish1980 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 i was poking fun and calling her out about never calling me back and cutting me off. i probably did sink the battleship with that one though. fetish
Hot Chick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Yea I think with texting that may not have come across and maybe later after you know each other better you can use the sarcastic humor but maybe not so soon when it hasn't even taken off yet....
DuskCrush Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 well she lost interest...and you were not that interested to begin with else you would have asked her out...You just care now cuz your feeling rejected and want her to give you attention so that rejected-type feeling can go away. Dont call or text her....chances are youll hear from her in a few weeks or not. Good luck.
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