LoveandSuch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Nothing! But I'm looking for a sugarmomma to take care of me. Any takers, Loveshack ladies?? Ha ha! Hmmm, are you a goodlooking pool boy, with spectacular abs and calves.
dizy Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Personally I know guys who hate girls that "compel" them, in a certain way, to pay for food, gifts etc . and I don't let guys pay for me, it's just I feel uneasy when guys pay everything. I feel like I owe him too much if he buys me tons of gifts, pays for absolutely everything and then we end up breaking up =(. Also I don't see why should guys pay when they are in a romantic relationship with women. I mean after all they are not married and their money are still theirs...
LoveandSuch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Ahh, I never said that a man wanting to spend money on you was wrong. In fact, in my first post in this thread I stated as much. I stated it is wrong to expect all men to do so. I also did not call you cheap, refer to your dating partners as a cess pool, or demand that ALL women pay for me. You may want to consider what you say as well. You have made the argument that women going dutch are somehow better than women who are accostumed to men paying for their date. These are customs that I am used to, it does not make me more entitled or worse than a female who is not accostumed to a man romancing her, and wanting to pay for a date with her. If she is used to this treatment and enjoys it, good for her and good for the man who chooses to not pay for the date. A well suited match. I am honest in all that I do. There are women that will put up and put out regardless what the man does, pays or not, because she will do anything for a man. He does not pay, so she will be an abiding female, and voila, she is the type to pay or go dutch. He is one way, so she is too. There are also women who will lie about how many partners, they do not do stuff like that, when they have done what equals a whole football team. I am honest in my expectations, and if a man does not like it, he has the option to not like me or date me. My teasing or humor seems to be mean at times, not meaning it too be. I apologize if my dark humor was exceedingly wicked.
Sanman Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 You have made the argument that women going dutch are somehow better than women who are accostumed to men paying for their date. These are customs that I am used to, it does not make me more entitled or worse than a female who is not accostumed to a man romancing her, and wanting to pay for a date with her. If she is used to this treatment and enjoys it, good for her and good for the man who chooses to not pay for the date. A well suited match. I am honest in all that I do. There are women that will put up and put out regardless what the man does, pays or not, because she will do anything for a man. He does not pay, so she will be an abiding female, and voila, she is the type to pay or go dutch. He is one way, so she is too. There are also women who will lie about how many partners, they do not do stuff like that, when they have done what equals a whole football team. I am honest in my expectations, and if a man does not like it, he has the option to not like me or date me. My teasing or humor seems to be mean at times, not meaning it too be. I apologize if my dark humor was exceedingly wicked. No, I made the argument that it is more equal...which it is. The custom of men paying for dates originated at a time when few women worked and to make that fair men bore the burden of paying for dates and courted women. That cultural norm no longer exists, so I don't understand why the men paying for dates norm should exist. My gf makes slightly more than I do, should she pay for me and court me? Having a preference for men who do pay for you is fine, but having an expectation that ALL men pay is not in my opinion. If you cannot understand the difference, then I cannot help you with that.
grkBoy Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Nothing wrong with WANTING to do it. A man should not be REQUIRED to do it as some exchange with a wife and sex as the payment. I only come down on women who did nothing in their lives but "look hot" who instantly feel some hot wealthy guy must marry and take care of her in life. Like sex with her is "so worth" the exchange for a life of luxury. I meet women who have all these big plans of marriage, kids, house, car, trips, etc...and 9 out of 10 times all their plans revolve around finding some gorgeous high-earning male who is ready to give up the one-night-stands with club chicks and marry said woman. I keep telling these women they need to plan their lives on the idea that they might not ever find such a man...so they don't shoot themselves in the foot. None of them listen...and most of them end up as knocked up unemployed women with messed up lives. I'm not trying to demean all women here...but simply to state the point that "being taken care of" isn't a requirement. Not unless the guy wants you to bear his children. Sex and commitment should never be a "commodity" or "reward" for a man supporting you. At that point, the woman who does think it's something to be traded had better look like a VS model til the day she dies.
LoveandSuch Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 No, I made the argument that it is more equal...which it is. The custom of men paying for dates originated at a time when few women worked and to make that fair men bore the burden of paying for dates and courted women. That cultural norm no longer exists, so I don't understand why the men paying for dates norm should exist. My gf makes slightly more than I do, should she pay for me and court me? Having a preference for men who do pay for you is fine, but having an expectation that ALL men pay is not in my opinion. If you cannot understand the difference, then I cannot help you with that. Not a bad thought, then men need to stop believing it is the woman's job to change diapers, have babies (she can pay another to have them for her), do laundry, cook, clean, take the children to school, be the planner for all family events, make lunches, prepare for family outings, grocery shop, it should all be dutch. If you do believe in what you preach, then the following expectations should be null to and equally shared.
Sanman Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Not a bad thought, then men need to stop believing it is the woman's job to change diapers, have babies (she can pay another to have them for her), do laundry, cook, clean, take the children to school, be the planner for all family events, make lunches, prepare for family outings, grocery shop, it should all be dutch. If you do believe in what you preach, then the following expectations should be null to and equally shared. Sure. The only issue may be the having a baby thing. We may want to consider adoption if she does not want to give birth, but I would like my own children and a woman who is not keen on children may not be a great match for me. Other than that I pretty much have done all those things as a single person (including helping changing diapers for nieces and nephews).
donnamaybe Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 You have made the argument that women going dutch are somehow better than women who are accostumed to men paying for their date. These are customs that I am used to, it does not make me more entitled or worse than a female who is not accostumed to a man romancing her, and wanting to pay for a date with her. If she is used to this treatment and enjoys it, good for her and good for the man who chooses to not pay for the date. A well suited match. I am honest in all that I do. There are women that will put up and put out regardless what the man does, pays or not, because she will do anything for a man. He does not pay, so she will be an abiding female, and voila, she is the type to pay or go dutch. He is one way, so she is too. There are also women who will lie about how many partners, they do not do stuff like that, when they have done what equals a whole football team. I am honest in my expectations, and if a man does not like it, he has the option to not like me or date me. My teasing or humor seems to be mean at times, not meaning it too be. I apologize if my dark humor was exceedingly wicked. So your "currency" then for free meals is sex? Because you stated above that some women are okay with a certain type of "treatment," as if not expecting a one sided, selfish dating ritual is some kind of poor treatment and such a woman would " put out" even if a guy didn't buy her a dinner. I guess that means when a guy does buy dinner the expectation is that he gets laid. I favor a guy with loving if he is lovable. Has nothing to do with whether he "bought me" or not. Those who expected that kind of dating ritual were quickly kicked to the curb in my world.
Hot Chick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I don't understand the association that if a man asks a woman out and buys dinner, it has anything to do with sex. Why would there be anything to do with sex? On a date, it has never occurred to me "oh, this man is buying me dinner. He is probably expecting me to have sex with him later." There is no correlation there, and I don't know where this mentality came from. If I asked a man I had been seeing to dinner, I would pay since it was my treat. I am not doing so in order to be insured of sex later.
FitChick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I asked a boyfriend once what he'd think if a woman insisted on paying on the first date. He said, "Either she wasn't interested in me, or she felt I wasn't very successful and couldn't afford dinner, which I'd find insulting." He wasn't a golddigger or a cheapskate, so how much money a woman had was irrelevant. He was very generous. I don't see why it's such a big deal what other people do or don't do if it's different from what you do or don't do. If it works for them, who cares?
donnamaybe Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I don't understand the association that if a man asks a woman out and buys dinner, it has anything to do with sex. Why would there be anything to do with sex? On a date, it has never occurred to me "oh, this man is buying me dinner. He is probably expecting me to have sex with him later." There is no correlation there, and I don't know where this mentality came from. If I asked a man I had been seeing to dinner, I would pay since it was my treat. I am not doing so in order to be insured of sex later. Exactly. But it sounds like you also don't expect a purely one sided dating world. Women are so quick to scream about their equality when it comes to determining their pay scale vs. the men, but they still want the guys to do all the spending.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I know this is coming from a virgin, but I wouldn't feel bothered if a woman paid for my dinner the first date. Just as long as I could pay for the next date, and make things even.
Sanman Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I asked a boyfriend once what he'd think if a woman insisted on paying on the first date. He said, "Either she wasn't interested in me, or she felt I wasn't very successful and couldn't afford dinner, which I'd find insulting." He wasn't a golddigger or a cheapskate, so how much money a woman had was irrelevant. He was very generous. I don't see why it's such a big deal what other people do or don't do if it's different from what you do or don't do. If it works for them, who cares? Well, that is what many women do if they are not interested. The fact that this is the social norm does not mean it should be the social norm. Again, it is not about what a man wants to do with his money. It is about not expecting all men to do so in this day and age. If a woman bought be dinner, I would recognize it as a generous gesture that was not necessary. What is wrong with asking women to do the same?
Imajerk17 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Ha ha! Hmmm, are you a goodlooking pool boy, with spectacular abs and calves. Well, actually... You should see me in my plumber's uniform! I do a great job of "unclogging your pipes".... (Do you *have* a pool by the way?)
sally4sara Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 You have made the argument that women going dutch are somehow better than women who are accostumed to men paying for their date. These are customs that I am used to, it does not make me more entitled or worse than a female who is not accostumed to a man romancing her, and wanting to pay for a date with her. If she is used to this treatment and enjoys it, good for her and good for the man who chooses to not pay for the date. A well suited match. I am honest in all that I do. There are women that will put up and put out regardless what the man does, pays or not, because she will do anything for a man. He does not pay, so she will be an abiding female, and voila, she is the type to pay or go dutch. He is one way, so she is too. There are also women who will lie about how many partners, they do not do stuff like that, when they have done what equals a whole football team. I am honest in my expectations, and if a man does not like it, he has the option to not like me or date me. My teasing or humor seems to be mean at times, not meaning it too be. I apologize if my dark humor was exceedingly wicked. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. This word romance - I don't think it means what you think it means. What you just finished describing here is what most people call prostitution. Perhaps the kind of guys you get with are such a chore that you need them to lay out some money to make having sex worth your while. That's cool, as you said, you are honest about having a price tag and the guys you date actually want to buy you; whatever floats your boat. Just be careful prostitution is often illegal.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Well everyone has their own opinions and beliefs about this topic. And whatever works for one individual or couple may not work for another. I still stand by my opinion that whoever does the asking out for the date should be the one to pay..unless the other party insists on paying or even goind dutch. I get comments from friends about what my bf does for me. Since they know I couldn't afford some of the thinkgs we do or places we have been they come to the conclusion that he must have paid and even though they are right, I don't think its anyones business to make comments. I think its jealousy.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) ............. Edited August 11, 2011 by CatNtheHat
thatone Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm preparing myself for the backlash I'm gonna get for asking this question, but I really am curious. What is wrong with a man wanting to "take care of" his woman? Now I guess "take care of" could mean several things, whether its pay the living expenses, or pay for all the dates, or take her on trips, etc. If a man makes good money and is successful and WANTS to do this, what is wrong with that? Why is there such hatred for it? Are men that can't afford to do this, jealous? I mean if you make good money and don't think you should, than thats fine and great, its your money and your decision. You should live how you want to. I'm talking about the men that WANT to. Sometimes even women want to do this for the man in their life. I just don't understand why so many people are angry about it. I think the women on the receiving end get the most backlash. But it is HER life. Do what you wanna do with your life, but why be so opinionated of the way someone else lives? a) nothing wrong with it b) yes they're jealous, men with more money in their mid 30s are stealing from the 20 something herd yeah, i like to pay for our dates. i don't mind if she likes expensive restaurants, or expensive bars, etc. i like the fact that she can be comfortable in choosing to go anywhere in the city without regard for how much it costs. we have a good time when we go out. that's all that matters.
Sanman Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Well everyone has their own opinions and beliefs about this topic. And whatever works for one individual or couple may not work for another. I still stand by my opinion that whoever does the asking out for the date should be the one to pay..unless the other party insists on paying or even goind dutch. I get comments from friends about what my bf does for me. Since they know I couldn't afford some of the thinkgs we do or places we have been they come to the conclusion that he must have paid and even though they are right, I don't think its anyones business to make comments. I think its jealousy. See, this is where I have to ask what qualifies asking. If I suggest activity A (picnic, coffee, etc) somewhere and she says she can't do that time/place or whatever and suggests we try restaurant xyz am I asking her out or did she reject my proposition and ask me out? Thatone, I don't think they are jealous in the way you are stating as these are female friends she is talking about. It is possible they are jealous she has a rich bf.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 There is a one inch heel on my dress shoes as there are for most guys. No need for lifts as I am plenty tall. Wow. Those aren't heels at all. Those are more like platform shoes for girls, which I can wear, but heels I can not. They hurt my feet too much. I get blisters and they wind up aching so bad the entire night that I can barely concentrate. ditto. I personally despise women who expect to be catered to... makes things tougher for women like me who never have and never will sponge off a man just because I have tits and a vagina and happen to know how to throw a meal together. Honestly? To me that sounds jealous. I'm not a woman who gets catered, too, in fact, I used to not know that men paid for the majority of dates when I was with my ex-boyfriend because I paid for pretty much everything and he was my first boyfriend. But it just doesn't make me mad when other girl's get stuff from their boyfriends and get catered to. I guess because its just something that never matters to me. The part that bothers me is when they are treating a guy like crap. Basically, requiring things from him and giving nothing in return and being ungreatful for what they get, like people on this thread said. I despise entitlement as well. I dated a guy who was full of entitlement to the point where he said I was a bitch because I wouldn't allow him to sleep with other women while he was dating me. He said he deserved it and accused me of being petty and jealous for being angered by it. I never mind treating my wife and buying her stuff but to say it is my job to be a walking wallet because I am a man is just absurd. There are also many men who would love to be more sensitive and not have to be the macho man but many women are not attracted to that. Some women are that way, yes, but I wouldn't say the majority are. I think men receive pressure in this area more from other men than women. My boyfriend gets afraid to talk about feelings with me because he wants to seem tough and strong to me and I'm always going,"But I feel left out when you don't share those parts of yourself with me. You're a human being and I expect you to have feelings." I rarely ever paid for dates and I had women coming back for more. I pay when we are in a relationship but until then I am very stingy. Good for you and I mean that. XD People get all bent out of shape in this thread and elsewhere about people getting paid for on dates and I don't get it. I paid for the majority of stuff with my ex-boyfriend when I was with him and it's actually one thing I don't resent him for. I resent him for being selfish and entitled, but I do not wish for him to give any of the money back I spent on him. I did it out of love and I don't regret it. Sure we do. I have gone dutch with my last 3 girlfriends. LOL. I'm glad you answered it that way. Because women having to give birth has nothing to do with who should pay for what for dinner. The two aren't related to one another. I do not pay for a date. I am not talking about a long term relationship, where the man has proven he is not a smoocher, user, or loser. I have no problem sharing under those circumstances. If he is a gentleman, and we get along famously, I may even, depending on the attraction level, buy him gifts. You only MAY buy him gifts. You make it sound like it is such a rare and ridiculous thing for you to do and that makes me sad. =( I do have a man. We are long distance AND for the horror to all the men on this thread, he bought me, some beautiful jewlery when he visited last, on his own. Very memorable pieces, that I will wear everyday close to my heart. Not jealous or anything. This is all good for you, but a guy has honestly never bought jewelry for me and I always wonder why this is considered a standard of how women should be treated when it never actually happens from my experience in relationships. The only time a guy bought me jewelry was when my ex asked me to marry him and never went through with the engagement. Sanmam, if it is working out for you, wonderful, love your woman! Love that what you are doing is working for you. I happen to go on dates with men who pick restaurants that have no prices on the menu, and splurge for the best Cab in stock, at times 2 bottles. If he is paying 400+ bucks for a meal, should I have to go dutch, when it is his choice to spend in this way? He does not wish for me to go dutch, and at the times I mentioned it, they have generally seemed my asking to be quite rude. HOLY ****! And yes, this goes along with what I said earlier. Whoever has the money for the date should be the one to pay for the date. On the first date it should probably be the one who asked, I suppose, but from then on it should be whoever can the easiest or going dutch. Personally I know guys who hate girls that "compel" them, in a certain way, to pay for food, gifts etc . and I don't let guys pay for me, it's just I feel uneasy when guys pay everything. I feel like I owe him too much if he buys me tons of gifts, pays for absolutely everything and then we end up breaking up =(. Also I don't see why should guys pay when they are in a romantic relationship with women. I mean after all they are not married and their money are still theirs... I've actually never been in that situation before. XD But I know what you mean. I don't like feeling like I owe a guy I'm dating anything. It makes me feel too guilty. =( And I have a guilt complex enough as it is. No, I made the argument that it is more equal...which it is. The custom of men paying for dates originated at a time when few women worked and to make that fair men bore the burden of paying for dates and courted women. That cultural norm no longer exists, so I don't understand why the men paying for dates norm should exist. My gf makes slightly more than I do, should she pay for me and court me? Having a preference for men who do pay for you is fine, but having an expectation that ALL men pay is not in my opinion. If you cannot understand the difference, then I cannot help you with that. I agree with what you are saying here. Every situation when it comes to dating should be treated for the unique thing it is. Not a bad thought, then men need to stop believing it is the woman's job to change diapers, have babies (she can pay another to have them for her), do laundry, cook, clean, take the children to school, be the planner for all family events, make lunches, prepare for family outings, grocery shop, it should all be dutch. If you do believe in what you preach, then the following expectations should be null to and equally shared. No, this is why people should stop tallying when it comes to relationships period. I asked a boyfriend once what he'd think if a woman insisted on paying on the first date. He said, "Either she wasn't interested in me, or she felt I wasn't very successful and couldn't afford dinner, which I'd find insulting." He wasn't a golddigger or a cheapskate, so how much money a woman had was irrelevant. He was very generous. I don't see why it's such a big deal what other people do or don't do if it's different from what you do or don't do. If it works for them, who cares? This is why ideally both parties should bring the money to pay on the first date and then work it out from there. I usually ask a guy if he wants me to pay or not or wait to see what he does. I don't want to insult him by doing the wrong thing and this may surprise men on this thread, but at least for me, its been confusing too. I never know which thing they are expecting from me. Well, that is what many women do if they are not interested. The fact that this is the social norm does not mean it should be the social norm. Again, it is not about what a man wants to do with his money. It is about not expecting all men to do so in this day and age. If a woman bought be dinner, I would recognize it as a generous gesture that was not necessary. What is wrong with asking women to do the same? True, true. And I view it that way regardless of who is paying. It's a special treat for anyone to take anyone else out to dinner.
threebyfate Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Penny pinching and dating don't go together very well, particularly if you resent paying for another person. No one wants a cheap man or woman.
musemaj11 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Not a bad thought, then men need to stop believing it is the woman's job to change diapers, have babies (she can pay another to have them for her), do laundry, cook, clean, take the children to school, be the planner for all family events, make lunches, prepare for family outings, grocery shop, it should all be dutch. If you do believe in what you preach, then the following expectations should be null to and equally shared. So do you do all those things for your man? If you expect to do all that for a man everyday then it is fair for you if you expect your man to take care of you financially. Im just against women who think that a man should not expect to share the financial burden of dating with his woman while at the same time they expect men to help them in doing their 'womanly duties'. Personally I expect my woman to treat me as equal outside the house and I will treat her as equal as well inside the house. In fact, Im a neat freak and a woman who lives with me can expect me to do all the cleaning stuff. The only thing I cant do is cook.
musemaj11 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Interesting. I was just wondering. And I don't think men have to pay for stuff just because they are men, though -- as I've said many times -- most of the men I know well do WANT to pay for dates (but with women they consider GF material and awesome, not just because they get to spend an evening with a woman ) in many cases, which to me is not the same thing. But I think they often will when they dig a girl. So I'm not surprised you paid for the 2nd date. And yes, the best first dates are simple and cheap (sometimes free) anyway, as it's not about spending money. . . it's about spending time together. As I said before in another thread, the instinct to provide is in our gene as men. We want to give to the women we love. Its just that we are angered to find out that what we see as a gesture of generosity is perceived merely as a responsibility by women. We feel like those women who cook for their family everyday and feel upset because their husbands and kids take their cooking for them for granted. I saw this with my dad. Instead of appreciating my mother cooking for us all the time, he sometimes scolded her when the meals werent up to his taste. For him, cooking was not a favor from her. It was her job and its her responsibility to serve delicious meals. This is exactly how we feel as men. We want to pay for you in order to show you our love. But instead you merely see it as our responsibility, our job as a man. Something that you have the right to demand from us. Its upsetting.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) Honestly? To me that sounds jealous. I'm not a woman who gets catered, too, in fact, I used to not know that men paid for the majority of dates when I was with my ex-boyfriend because I paid for pretty much everything and he was my first boyfriend. But it just doesn't make me mad when other girl's get stuff from their boyfriends and get catered to. I guess because its just something that never matters to me.. I'm not jealous. If I wanted to find a man to buy me expensive stuff and cater to me, I'd have no problems whatsoever. I've had many offers, in fact, but turned it down. Not only do I turn it down, I usually use that kind of behavior as a 'screening' tool... and not usually in the positive. I don't view men as cash cows and don't value men who feel their primary value has to be expressed through their wallets. It is about as appealing to me, as say, a woman who feels their primary value is their looks/body/sex might be to some men. Not surprisingly, it is usually these two that find solace with each other... I'm no prize heffer to be sold off to the highest bidder, and I'm not keen on the strings that are always attached. I'm also not interested in being with a 'traditional' man. There is nothing appealing to me whatsoever about these gender 'negotiations'. It is not jealousy that makes me resent women who expect to be catered to and 'work' men's social conditioning or pressure to 'provide'. It comes from my desire to not have the men I interact with ASSUME I'm going to be like these other women and expect to be catered to as well... simply because I'm good looking and highly accomplished in my own right... and could get those things if I wanted them. sure, we all bring whatever we have to the table in this market place of relationships. I view the OP's post as bragging and BS. But, there is someone for everyone. If the guy goes along with it, he's got noone to blame but himself if/when the sh*t hits the fan and he discovers he's just a paycheck. To each his own. Edited August 11, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
PinkInTheLimo Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 My personal experience is that men who want to take care of a woman expected some kind of obedience from her. In exchange for taking care of the woman they want to take all the decisions. That never worked for me, I refused to play a role in HIS scenario. Since I earn my own money I also have no need to play a role in a scenario that I did not (co)write myself. Nothing wrong with being treated to dinner once in a while of course, or being taken on a trip. But I also reciprocate in these things.
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