Love across the Atlantic

[blakjak]

I went to school in America and met this beautiful girl last year of school. We dated and the first 5 months or so were just amazing. When I went back home to England for summer the first time issues started to arise. Whilst we both liked each other ALOT we both knew that I would be returning to Europe after my studies... So... basically we had our ups and downs... Most of it precipitated by the fact I did not know how to deal with my feelings towards leaving a girl I love. Some time later she too openly had a difficult time handling her feelings and caused issues. Keep in mind it was mostly me having problems. Regardless we spent alot of time together and genuinely enjoyed it. In fact, she promised to visit me in London(she has never been to Europe before) The last 3 weeks with me in the U.S.A was really sad. I spent all my remaining time with her. Last time I saw her in person we kissed passionately for 3 minutes. It was the most odd breakup I ever had.... In fact, it didn't really feel like a breakup. That was last May.

 

We kept in contact intially. Acting like we were still dating more or less. In fact she mentioned it felt like the first summer I went away. Anyways we still acted like a couple. However, that ended when I drunk dialled her internationally( LOL) and told her how much I loved and missed her. She told me she couldn't say she loved me anymore because she was not my girlfriend. I was not deterred. I asked if I could visit for the winter. She gave me one word answers, not acting too excited. I was upset and confronted her. Her reasoning was that we were now "friends" and implied that she didn't have to act particularly excited about seeing me....(uh huh) I argued that if she was going to see any of her ACTUAL long lost friends she would be excited and also that friends do not fly across the world to see each other at christmas(usually). At this point she launched into me. Telling me about how much I hurt her in the relationship. How she doesn't owe me anything. How that we are now friends etc... I was upset. Odd thing was, she stated that I could still come over... and if anything happened... it happened.... (mixed messages much?)

 

So, I decided to stop talking to her. Went off facebook. Then 2 weeks later she contacted me. Asking how I was....Mentioned I dnt go on fb. and told me that a particular article of clothing (lingerie she used to wear for me....) that she saw in the store reminded her of me. I responded, flirted a little, asked how she was. She responded, and asked if I was still planning to return to America for the winter. I then IMed her and asked if she genuinely wants me to come visit and see her. I MEAN REALLY WANTS TO SEE ME. Her response was dumb... "Like, it would be nice to see you and all but I wouldn't neccessarily be excited about it... And you would be staying at mine... and... Yeah". Needless to say this made me cry. Why ask if I am coming if you don't really wana see me? At this point, I dropped off the face of the earth. I stopped going on fb completely, asked friends to stop posting/tagging pictures of me. Have not emailed her, called etc. I love her very much, but she's driving me mad. I initiated this 3.5 weeks ago.

 

Now, Originally, I though that I was going to be in Europe for something like 2-3 years. Now, it turns out that I am back in a year... I am deeply in love with her... And altho right now she's been acting like a crazy teenager... I know I pulled some things like that during the relationship. I am genuinely interested in possibly starting a new relationship with her once all the pain on both sides has subsided... I admit that I hurt her... And it's obvious from both of our interactions that we were not completely gung-ho or pleased/relieved about breaking up... We broke up because of circumstances and neither of us handled it well, ergo us hurting each other.... I am currently in NC.... I plan to maintain at least until her birthday....Which is december..... She is 23.. I am 22.... Any thoughts, advice or general support on this madness? I would really appreciate it xx

[Dblock10]

i dont see how nc will help apart from help you to move on?

 

this is like what just happened to me and my ex/ we had to break up due to the circumstances, that she is travelling for 6 months. however when i went to see her, there was no passionate kissing.. :S

 

also i have not heard from her since i last saw her nearly a week ago

 

maybe if i dont hear from her before she goes i will know she wasnt worth it? i dont want to do what it sounds like what happened to you, where it gets nasty and sour. i have taken the high road, left on good terms and she knows where i am if she does want to come back

 

however, if i have moved on my then and say she is single and wants me back, well then that will be something she has to deal with, i offered myself to her whilst she goes, but she just wants to be young (21) and enjoy life. have no relationship worries or labels.

 

 

its so hard for me to accept. i fell for her. hadnt done that for a girl in a long time.

 

i to am thinking about not deleting her off my fb but i realise if she started posting up pictures that it will eat away at me... so not sure what to do there.

 

 

do you think you will be able to get this girl back?

 

from what i understand, if they come back, its down to them really. you cant make any girl change there mind once its been made. its like an on off switch, there are no other positions

[blakjak]

I am not sure. My former gf obviously still has feelings for me. Up until i initiaited true NC she was giving me mixed signals. I don't think it's a matter of her falling out of love with me. I think it's a matter of she's protecting her feelings. If she truly did not care, I imagine she would not want to be friends. I imagine she would not want in her life. I would imagine she would not even entertain the idea of me seeing her or vice versa. I think she is conflicted. It's hard to let your feelings completely go loose with someone so far away. If I am in the same country, and close to her, yes.... I think I could(with time) get her to get back with me. Until then... It's gonna be rough.... Atm... I am simply going to casually date and have fun.... I am pretty sure curiousity will get the better of her sooner or later and she will contact me on her own. I plan to send her a birthday card. If she does indeed come to England I will be very serious about stating my intentions... Til then... She needs to be free... single... let her sort herself out or whatever... It's deffo not impossible to get her back.