Feel Like a dick right now

[wezol]

Well, I can see how it could be a lie, but I could also see how it could very well be the truth.

 

You're all right, it takes just a few seconds to reply back. Here's my caveat (word of the day, btw), and I am guilty of this. My friend will text me, someone who I consider a best friend. If I'm busy, sometimes I will read it, and say to myself "I'll text him back in a few minutes when I'm done with XYZ". Well XYZ gets finished, but I've done forgot.

 

Yes, there are worse case scenarios, she could of been banging domes dudes brains out for days on end.

 

OR

 

Maybe she was making dinner for her sick father. Felt her phone vibrate/ring, pulled it out of her pocket and read it real quick (most people have iphones, displays the text on the screen), said "Oh, it's so and so, ok cool", puts phone back in pocket and goes back to burning the roast. Eats dinner, after dinner, gets busy doing something else. Maybe helping organize the doctor bills, or scheduling appointments, etc. Then a few hours go by and she's done forgot.

 

Here's the best part though....wait for it...

 

 

 

 

 

They ARENT EVEN DATING.

 

There, I said it.

[GivenUp0083]

Many have already stated what I was thinking, but I had a busy day at work and some of the responses I saw were jokes and I just didn't have time to deal with it.

 

Yes, we've only met 3 times in like 3 years, had some fun nights out among mutual friends. Never really flirted or anything. I had no intentions of asking this girl out initially, she threw me what I interpreted as a bone and I got her number. I was a little pissed off at first when she didn't respond, but it's chicago, it's summer, things get REALLY busy and I sent her a text a week later. (Women do forget to call people back, lose their phones, have other things going on).

 

As for not being important enough to call back....I would hope I'm not of more importance than her family member's health. I'm a guy she's hung out with 3 times. I have no priority and nor should I. All we did was open a line of communication to meet up or talk again soon. I have no idea if she's interested in me. I think she's cute, but I don't know her well enough to know if I would want to seriously date her.

 

I also don't know the severity of her dad's health. He could've gotten pneumonia or maybe he could be dying of cancer. I have no idea and I didn't ask because it's none of my business.

 

I've been through the $hitter with plenty of women, and one in particular very recently that broke my heart and devastated me. But I'm stronger now and I'm more cautious with my emotional attachment. Part of me wants to never get burned again, but I can't give up. I'll play it cool and see what happens without allowing myself to get head over heels for any girl. It's not like I've taken this girl out to expensive dinners, we haven't even been on a date and I'm sure there's a chance we may never go on one. I'd like to get to know her better via date, but reality is it just may not happen and I'm okay with that because I have other great things going on in my life to where she is close to insignificant at this point.

 

It's hard not to expect that a story like this is a lie.

 

Why just yesterday, right about now, I was standing at a restaurant waiting for a girl to show up who had confirmed the morning before. She never showed.

 

A couple hours later I got an apology that she had been up all night because her neice had burned herself, and just hadn't had time to contact me. Now I think there is a 90% chance that is a lie.

 

However, I did what OP did, and said, "sorry, hope she's ok." I can live with that, and move on. If she is for real, she can contact ME. My bet is, she won't. So you have to understand why guys develop a bit of an attitude about this type of thing.

 

I'm sorry a girl stood you up, that's really really cold and I've been there. There's no place for it and you should drop her IMMEDIATELY. Even if she contacts you, trust me when I say this with every good intention in my soul: She will burn you again if you give her the chance.

 

Your situation is different. Your girl left you stood up at a restaurant and knew she planned a date for you two to be somewhere together and didn't have the courtesy to at least give you a heads up and cancel.

 

All the girl in my situation did was wait a week to respond to my call/text. Much different.

 

Hm. On the one hand I'm sympathetic to her crisis, on the other hand I think she could have just sent a quick text to say that she was busy. Then again, when I was dealing with a health crisis with my mom I can't say that I was terribly concerned with returning texts and phone calls from people that I didn't really care about either. I would let her be the one to make contact after this.

 

It's a judgement call. I don't know what I would do. I probably would shoot a text at least to say I'll have to get back to you, but she did it her way and that's fine. I have no authority to judge at this point. If I were dating her and she disappeared for a week and didn't tell me what was going on, then yes I can say something to her and show my frustration with her behavior, but at this point where I stand now I have no right to judge.

 

I could walk away and ignore her, but who am I really hurting if I do that? I'm hurting myself by throwing away the chance. Life is too short and strong connections with people are hard to come by nowadays. I will leave it open for chance as it's all I can do. It's all anyone can do. You give it a chance and then if it's meant to me the rest comes easy. Have you ever heard people say "when it's the right one everything will just fall into place and it will be almost effortless". It's true, I've been there, it comes easy if it's there. It's only hard when it's not.

 

As for what I'll do next? I don't know. Maybe I'll wait a week and see what she does. Maybe I'll give her another call in a week or longer. You have to make an attempt at least, and I'm not talking about begging or lobbying for her to go out, but I'll put in my share of a little effort and see what happens. Again, it doesn't matter what happens from here either way, if we end up talking and go out then great. If I never hear from her again then it's no big deal. Life goes on, I'll meet other women that have interest in me.

Edited August 11, 2011 by GivenUp0083

[ThsAmericanLife]

it takes 10 seconds to respond to a text, it takes 30 seconds to respond to a phone call with a voice mail.

 

no one is so busy that they can't spare 10 seconds.

 

so, therefore, "too busy to respond" is a flat out lie, and we all know it is.

 

I've gone through periods of major life crisis when I don't even CHECK phone/text messages. Much less answer them.

 

Checking them = obligation to return them and could possibly add even more stress depending on the text/message.

 

Having cell phones these days seems to imply instant access, and I find it annoying. I especially hate texting. It is like when the waiter/waitress puts cheese on the salad at Olive Garden. Leaves the impression of 'service' when there is really no service at all.

 

But that is just me. When I was in college, I waited until after class to check my grades on tests or even days later... even though I was at the top of my class.

[thatone]

givenup, you are delusional. you have no chance. if she were interested in you she wouldn't ignore you for a week.

 

there's about a 99.9% chance that the story about the sick parent is all bullsh*t.

 

you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

if she's so upset about her dying father that she can't bear to take phone calls, why is she hitting the bars with a group of friends?

 

it's all a lie, man. wake up.

Edited August 11, 2011 by thatone

[GivenUp0083]

givenup, you are delusional. you have no chance. if she were interested in you she wouldn't ignore you for a week.

 

there's about a 99.9% chance that the story about the sick parent is all bullsh*t.

 

you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

if she's so upset about her dying father that she can't bear to take phone calls, why is she hitting the bars with a group of friends?

 

it's all a lie, man. wake up.

 

Actually, unlike guys like you, I don't go into these situations with any expectations. She doesn't owe me anything and nor do I owe her. Odds are that yeah, we aren't a match and it doesn't go past a date or two.

 

.....but all it takes is that one great girl that you have awesome chemistry with and it all just falls into place effortlessly.

[Star Gazer]

Woah, sounds like the girl in question is one of my besties!!

[fetish1980]

i don't know. this situation sounds wierd and this is pretty similar to my most recent thread here.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291810/

 

please chime in btw and let me know what you think. LOL

 

She could've called or texted, but she didn't. She could have been telling the truth or not. But most people know not to lie about health issues for themselves or their loved ones seeing that it could actually come true at some point. So if it were me, i'd give her the benefit of the doubt and see how her behavior is after that point. If she still continues to be slow on responding to text messages and phonecalls, then it's probably safe to assume that she may be a little bit of a gamer.

 

Some of what AlexDP said was true, but it was too assumptive and accusatory. He's dealing from that "Bad Boy" state of mind that i think alot of men (myself included) feel like they have to be in order to be more attractive to women.

 

fetish

[thatone]

Actually, unlike guys like you, I don't go into these situations with any expectations. She doesn't owe me anything and nor do I owe her. Odds are that yeah, we aren't a match and it doesn't go past a date or two.

 

.....but all it takes is that one great girl that you have awesome chemistry with and it all just falls into place effortlessly.

 

that's the thing, though, the difference in me and you is i realize that if there's a high probability that she's lying about little things, that means she'll also lie about bigger things, so there isn't going to be any chemistry because i'm going to be spending most of my thought about her sorting out what's true and what isn't.

 

pretend she isn't a woman. pretend you ask a random man on the street what time it is because you have an appointment, and the bastard gives you the wrong time by two hours causing you to miss your meeting.

 

would you think "man that guy was really cool we should've got a beer and shot the breeze". no, you would think "that as*hole gave me the wrong time, f*ck him".

 

and it's going to be anything but effortless...getting even one date out of her is going to be like pulling teeth.

 

and considering all that, what's the point?

[dispatch3d]

Don't feel like a jerk. You didn't know what was going on until she told you. No one is a mind reader. You only had the fact that she didn't respond to your efforts at contact to go on.

 

If I were in her shoes, regardless of what was going on in my life, I would've answered your call/text or at least responded to you in a much more timely manner than she did. I think generally it's really rude to not respond to calls or texts within 24 hours. This girl may have a different M.O. If you're going to call her again, write her off if she doesn't respond promptly. I wouldn't call her if I were you--she's got family issues but that doesn't mean you should wait around for her at all. Let her pick up the ball and throw it back in your court properly. Those texts from her were not enough to do that, IMO.

 

I agree. A chick would NOT put up with this **** for one minute. Why the **** should we?

[Tasha49]

I feel like if she didn't at least have SOME slight excuse, she would not have replied at all. Or if she wasn't interested she would not really have felt the need to come up with quite the serious excuse.

 

I know that I am guilty of giving my number out to men who I am not interested in. But I usually don't reply or just end up telling them I am interested in someone else. I never make some excuse that implies I will come around soon.

 

I feel like people here tend to jump to such negative conclusions and are so defensive when a person denies their point of view.

[Tasha49]

I also think that if she was truly and genuinely interested in you, she would have sent a text at least telling you she was going to be busy dealing with family matters and that she will contact you when things are better. She should not have waited so long to let you know what is happening. That is not very nice in my opinion.

 

So sure, maybe she actually does have family troubles and is interested. But if she is not interested, she really should not lead you on.

[HurtZ]

Don't feel like a jerk! A jerk is a guy who sleeps with a gal and doesn't see her for 2 weeks or more after! Who cares if her story is true or not, move on!

[Eternal Sunshine]

Givenup,

 

I am impressed that you didn't become bitter after your recent break up. Guys that go down the bitter path have pretty much zero chance of ever finding anyone. With your attitude, it's only a matter of time before you meet a great girl

 

As for the current situation, I can sympathize with the girl. Last year, my dad was in hospital and severely ill. I went on a couple of dates with some guy. I really liked him, but when I found out that my dad is in hospital, I went to stay with him for days on end. I was vaguely aware that the guy had texted and called but I wasn't in a frame of mind to return texts or calls. It's not that I didn't have time, it's more like my dad took a priority over anything else and I wasn't capable of thinking about guys and dating. It would be a different story if I had an established relationship with someone, but at the very early stage that's what happens.

 

Anyway, later on - I got back to the guy, apologized and explained the situation. He went off at me in the fashion of: "DO YOU THINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY???" I KNOW YOU ARE MAKING THIS UP" etc etc. He was literally yelling on the phone. Of course, I never wanted to see him again. Has he been supportive and kind, it would have been a different story.