GivenUp0083 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 So a girl I bump into through mutual friends once a year gave me her number a little over a week ago. We had met up at a bar with friends and talked for about 30 minutes. She asked me to come to another bar with her and her friends (my friends were calling it a night and going home) so I went. At the next bar I bought her and her friends a drink and some of them bought rounds of shots. We talked some more, talked with her friends, had a good time. I had baseball the next morning so I told her around 1 am that I was heading out. She tells me "don't be a stranger, we should hangout again soon instead of once a year." So I tell her if she gives me her number I'll give her a call sometime soon. She does, I leave. I called her 2 days later and left a voicemail and she didn't respond. I texted her monday after about a week just saying hey how was your weekend? She didn't respond that day either. I was pretty pissed about it most of the last week because this happens to me a LOT (women giving me their number then never responding). Especially since this girl had pretty much offered to hang out again, I was completely baffled that she didn't call me back. Last night she texts me 3 times while I was on the phone. She apologized for be unresponsive. Then tells me her dad has had health issues so she's been distracted the last few weeks and went home (out of state) to visit family last weekend. I told her it was cool and that I was sorry to hear about her dad. Then she told me "we'll have to catch up sometime when things settle down a bit for me". I said that was fine and hope everything works out. I might give her a call again just to say hi in a week or so. I sort of feel like a jerk. Here I was, pissed off, baffled, all because I thought she lied and lead me on and blew me off....and her dad is sick. I'll just play it cool for now, obviously she has some serious family stuff going on so I'll give her space and time to deal with that before pushing for a date or anything.
AlexDP Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Ugh. Some Nice Guys will never learn. Just how easily manipulated are you?
yessy21 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 BOy oh BOy. positive scenario: Her dad might be sick for real. and she might have been busy. negative scenario: her dad isnt sick and she met an even cuter guy that shes hanging out with and until hes out of the picture she aint hanging out with you. a simple text message back on the same day is not hard to do. Give it time and u will figure out whats really going on.
tigressA Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Don't feel like a jerk. You didn't know what was going on until she told you. No one is a mind reader. You only had the fact that she didn't respond to your efforts at contact to go on. If I were in her shoes, regardless of what was going on in my life, I would've answered your call/text or at least responded to you in a much more timely manner than she did. I think generally it's really rude to not respond to calls or texts within 24 hours. This girl may have a different M.O. If you're going to call her again, write her off if she doesn't respond promptly. I wouldn't call her if I were you--she's got family issues but that doesn't mean you should wait around for her at all. Let her pick up the ball and throw it back in your court properly. Those texts from her were not enough to do that, IMO.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 Ugh. Some Nice Guys will never learn. Just how easily manipulated are you? Really dude? Nice guy? Please.... How ignorant are you? Maybe you can only attract douchebag women what would lie about their dad having health issues, but I typically surround myself with better crowds. This girl isn't a random, she's a friend of a friend. I'd love to hear about you and what kind of crowd you hang with that included people this low. By the way, how was I manipulated? She hasn't gotten me to do ANYTHING yet. Even if she was seeing another dude, I don't really care. I've never been on a date with her, she doesn't owe me anything. It's jealousy-filled paranoid little tools like you that creep women out and you get pissed because she wasn't 100% dedicated to you after talking on the phone one time. Good luck with that.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 thats what females with entitlement complexes do. they use guys and spit em out. How was I used? Just curious...
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 she used you for drinks. she lied to you in all liklihood. shes not going to respond to you unless you give her more free stuff. I bought her a beer, she bought me a shot and her friend bought me a shot....I'm winning. Are you still alive, haven't you broke down crying yet to a therapist or jumped off a bridge yet? Your depression is obvious...
AThoughtfulMan Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It's amazing how people jump to conclusions when they don't have all the information at all. That sounded like a big misunderstanding. I wouldn't worry about it. Just give her that time like you said and try again soon.
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 it takes 10 seconds to respond to a text, it takes 30 seconds to respond to a phone call with a voice mail. no one is so busy that they can't spare 10 seconds. so, therefore, "too busy to respond" is a flat out lie, and we all know it is.
rightfield Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I'm skeptical of the story too, but it is such a potentially sensitive subject for her, if true, that it's too risky calling her out on it. No point anyway. I certainly don't think you need to feel like a jerk. It's not like you took a phonepic of your butt and sent it when you didn't hear from her.....wait.............. You didn't, did you?
AlexDP Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Really dude? Nice guy? Please.... How ignorant are you? Maybe you can only attract douchebag women what would lie about their dad having health issues, but I typically surround myself with better crowds. This girl isn't a random, she's a friend of a friend. I'd love to hear about you and what kind of crowd you hang with that included people this low. By the way, how was I manipulated? She hasn't gotten me to do ANYTHING yet. Even if she was seeing another dude, I don't really care. I've never been on a date with her, she doesn't owe me anything. It's jealousy-filled paranoid little tools like you that creep women out and you get pissed because she wasn't 100% dedicated to you after talking on the phone one time. Good luck with that. See how angry you are right now? Do you think this is a healthy response? More importantly, what are you trying to achieve by being so angry? I think you're trying to make yourself believe that what this woman is saying to you is genuine. In the back of your mind you have your doubts, but you want it to be true so bad, that you will go to great lengths to make yourself believe it. I don't get pissed when I don't get 100% of her attention right away. I don't give it to her either. One episode like this however is more than enough to disregard her as a potential partner. It shows that she doesn't care all that much (after all, it takes 5 seconds to text someone). Furthermore she is manipulating you, because she actually got you to the point you feel bad about yourself. I have a girlfriend and she is most definitely not low quality. You sound like a frustrated Nice Guy. I bet you think all women should go for you, because you're so nice. Oh well.. perhaps you'll learn someday. Let me know how it went in two weeks or so.
serial muse Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 it takes 10 seconds to respond to a text, it takes 30 seconds to respond to a phone call with a voice mail. no one is so busy that they can't spare 10 seconds. so, therefore, "too busy to respond" is a flat out lie, and we all know it is. I don't know about you, but when I've had a very sick family member, I'm not checking my phone very often to see who might be texting me. Might not even check it all weekend unless I'm expecting an important call. Family comes first and I've got other things to worry about right then. You guys are too harsh. I think the OP did the right thing and he may be on his way to a good date. Why is everybody always so pessimistic? 1. She invited him out. 2. She gave him her number. 3. She bought him a drink. 4. She responded with a GOOD reason for her TEMPORARY silence. She sounds normal and cool. Jeez, haters, give it a rest.
AlexDP Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 it takes 10 seconds to respond to a text, it takes 30 seconds to respond to a phone call with a voice mail. no one is so busy that they can't spare 10 seconds. so, therefore, "too busy to respond" is a flat out lie, and we all know it is. Yes, it is. It ALWAYS is. Now if someone goes out hiking and his cell phone dies or something that's a different story. But not having the time to text? Highly unlikely. It's obvious that she's not interested, but he wants her to be, so he starts rationalising. It's a sorry state to be in.
serial muse Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Yes, it is. It ALWAYS is. Now if someone goes out hiking and his cell phone dies or something that's a different story. But not having the time to text? Highly unlikely. It's obvious that she's not interested, but he wants her to be, so he starts rationalising. It's a sorry state to be in. A sorry state to be in is one in which you ASSUME the worst all the time. That will make you (demonstrably) miserable. You guys are the same type who complain about women being on their phones all the time. Here's someone who isn't, and now she's a liar? Damn. She can't win.
AlexDP Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 A sorry state to be in is one in which you ASSUME the worst all the time. That will make you (demonstrably) miserable. You guys are the same type who complain about women being on their phones all the time. Here's someone who isn't, and now she's a liar? Damn. She can't win. Sure she can. She responds within a reasonable time frame. It's that easy. It's not as if I'm asking the impossible. Not responding within that time frame is disrepectful. I do it, she can do it too. Seriously, do you guys have any self respect whatsoever?
rightfield Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It's hard not to expect that a story like this is a lie. Why just yesterday, right about now, I was standing at a restaurant waiting for a girl to show up who had confirmed the morning before. She never showed. A couple hours later I got an apology that she had been up all night because her neice had burned herself, and just hadn't had time to contact me. Now I think there is a 90% chance that is a lie. However, I did what OP did, and said, "sorry, hope she's ok." I can live with that, and move on. If she is for real, she can contact ME. My bet is, she won't. So you have to understand why guys develop a bit of an attitude about this type of thing.
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 See how angry you are right now? Do you think this is a healthy response? More importantly, what are you trying to achieve by being so angry? I think you're trying to make yourself believe that what this woman is saying to you is genuine. In the back of your mind you have your doubts, but you want it to be true so bad, that you will go to great lengths to make yourself believe it. I don't get pissed when I don't get 100% of her attention right away. I don't give it to her either. One episode like this however is more than enough to disregard her as a potential partner. It shows that she doesn't care all that much (after all, it takes 5 seconds to text someone). Furthermore she is manipulating you, because she actually got you to the point you feel bad about yourself. I have a girlfriend and she is most definitely not low quality. You sound like a frustrated Nice Guy. I bet you think all women should go for you, because you're so nice. Oh well.. perhaps you'll learn someday. Let me know how it went in two weeks or so. I could have written this post myself in regards to how dating started out with my wife and I. She would go out of town on the weekends to her Mom's city as she was having health issues, she wouldn't respond to many of my calls or texts... I used to wonder what was up with that but I just got used to it as come Monday we were back dating again... Her Mom passed away about 8-10 months after we started dating.. I'm only posting this because it can be true.. although it doesn't mean it is either but many of the idiotic posts I've seen on this thread prompted me to post... The whole self described bad guys on this thread make me laugh. I think in reality she may have other irons in the fire.. Whether it being her Dad or another guy who is trying to date her.. either way just sit back and see how it pans out.. No reason to feel like a jerk.. if you had messed up she would have said Good Bye to you..
AlexDP Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I never mentioned I was a "bad boy", whatever that may be. This guy however obviously has Nice Guy syndrome and it's not a healthy approach when it comes to dating. He's going to hurt himself and it's glaringly obvious.
sm1tten Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Hm. On the one hand I'm sympathetic to her crisis, on the other hand I think she could have just sent a quick text to say that she was busy. Then again, when I was dealing with a health crisis with my mom I can't say that I was terribly concerned with returning texts and phone calls from people that I didn't really care about either. I would let her be the one to make contact after this.
Imajerk17 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 So a girl I bump into through mutual friends once a year gave me her number a little over a week ago. We had met up at a bar with friends and talked for about 30 minutes. She asked me to come to another bar with her and her friends (my friends were calling it a night and going home) so I went. At the next bar I bought her and her friends a drink and some of them bought rounds of shots. We talked some more, talked with her friends, had a good time. I had baseball the next morning so I told her around 1 am that I was heading out. She tells me "don't be a stranger, we should hangout again soon instead of once a year." So I tell her if she gives me her number I'll give her a call sometime soon. She does, I leave. I called her 2 days later and left a voicemail and she didn't respond. I texted her monday after about a week just saying hey how was your weekend? She didn't respond that day either. I was pretty pissed about it most of the last week because this happens to me a LOT (women giving me their number then never responding). Especially since this girl had pretty much offered to hang out again, I was completely baffled that she didn't call me back. Last night she texts me 3 times while I was on the phone. She apologized for be unresponsive. Then tells me her dad has had health issues so she's been distracted the last few weeks and went home (out of state) to visit family last weekend. I told her it was cool and that I was sorry to hear about her dad. Then she told me "we'll have to catch up sometime when things settle down a bit for me". I said that was fine and hope everything works out. I might give her a call again just to say hi in a week or so. I sort of feel like a jerk. Here I was, pissed off, baffled, all because I thought she lied and lead me on and blew me off....and her dad is sick. I'll just play it cool for now, obviously she has some serious family stuff going on so I'll give her space and time to deal with that before pushing for a date or anything. At least she got back to you. She was away for good reason. Give her the benefit of the doubt. But I'm not sure how much she is feeling it beyond "being friends". See the above bolded. If she were, she'd probably be more proactive about making time to hang out again, instead of waiting to "catch up sometime when things settle down".
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 A sorry state to be in is one in which you ASSUME the worst all the time. That will make you (demonstrably) miserable. You guys are the same type who complain about women being on their phones all the time. Here's someone who isn't, and now she's a liar? Damn. She can't win. we're not assuming. we're stating facts. again, it takes 10 seconds to type a text. you are the one assuming. no one is so busy that their day cannot spare 10 seconds. you want to assume to defend her and are giving us a straw man to do it.
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) no one is so busy that their day cannot spare 10 seconds. you want to assume to defend her and are giving us a straw man to do it. Drop the strawman talk.. it is very weak and makes your points about "Facts" weaker.. Imajerk has got a good feel for something that could be happening and if he is right then a person giving a reply to a text a higher priority over being with their sick Dad doesn't make sense and the "Facts" then would be that they wouldn't reply.. I'm assuming since you are posting facts that you have experience in replying to text messages while taking care of a parent that has a health issue all the while traveling on the weekend to take care of them ? By the way.. they aren't "Dating".. they met up and had a good evening together.. There isn't a relationship yet between them yet.. But I'm not sure how much she is feeling it beyond "being friends". See the above bolded. If she were, she'd probably be more proactive about making time to hang out again, instead of waiting to "catch up sometime when things settle down". It could be a friendzone type of thing happening too.. but then she did get back with him and straighten out why she didn't reply. Edited August 10, 2011 by Art_Critic
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 it doesn't matter whether there's a relationship or not. we're talking common courtesy. doesn't matter whether it's a man, woman, friend, co-worker, whatever. give me someone's name who is "too busy" to send a text and i'll show you where she posted sh*t on facebook/twitter throughout the day that she was "too busy", guaranteed.
somedude81 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It's all about priorities. If you aren't that important to a woman, she won't be checking her phone looking for your text or VM. And even if she did see a text you sent her she may be doing other things that are more important to her and just not reply. It also seems that some women are not good at multi-tasking so they tell themselves that they will get back to your message when they have time, not really thinking that it takes two seconds to send a message that they are busy. And if they did decide to address your message at a later time, they may forget to do so. It's all getting back to how important you are to them. One thing I figured out, is that if a girl isn't doing much when you send her a message she has a higher chance of reading it and replying. So I tend to send messages later on at night when there is a smaller chance that she's busy. That way she won't 'forget' to reply.
serial muse Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 we're not assuming. we're stating facts. again, it takes 10 seconds to type a text. you are the one assuming. no one is so busy that their day cannot spare 10 seconds. you want to assume to defend her and are giving us a straw man to do it. It is not a fact that she was blowing him off or that she even saw his texts when he sent them. You are not in her head, and you have no logical basis to claim something as a fact (such as her intentions in the matter, or that she saw the texts in a so-called timely manner) that is only your opinion. By contrast, it IS a fact that she texted him three times in quick succession to apologize and explain. Thus, you do not properly understand the definition of a fact. I have noticed that you enjoy stating things as facts that are only your personally, strongly held viewpoints. You might want to rethink that, because it weakens your arguments. You are, of course, free to live your life however you want, but why infect other people with your misery? Does misery truly love company that much?
Recommended Posts